Joint bank account...what if???

[Upandaway0987]

Your OH took 2000 pounds out of your joint bank and didn't discuss it with you would you do? Would you expect him or her to discuss it with you first?

[Upandaway0987]

I'm not calm, far from it, 2k is a hell of a lot of money to me. Just feels like I knew him last week and don't know him now, very, very worried

[Starlight234]

What is your gut feeling saying?

[AnyFucker]

Pack your bags, love

I would not tolerate him simply refusing to speak.

Where has he been "away" to ?

[PotteringAlong]

This is very weird.

[AnyFucker]

OP, please could you give just a bit more detail in your posts. You don't have to out yourself. It's quite frustrating when trying to figure out how to help you when you are so minimal in your responses.

[Hotwaterbottle1]

He has been caught out, not sure doing what but he can't think of an explanation & is so ignoring you. So sorry. Please take some action to protect yourself.

[Upandaway0987]

I don't know what else I can tell you, I have no answers. H has taken 2k from joint bank account and not told me. Never discussed it with me before hand. This never happens, we always discuss all spends from that account. H has been away with friends (and before anyone questions that I know he has been away with friends). H now won't talk, he has gone to bed, refuses to speak. We have no debts. Usual niggles that couples have but nothing massive that never gets sorted. I am worried, concerned, upset, pissed off. I can't do anything if he won't speak.

[BombadierFritz]

gambling would be my best guess. its hard to spend that much money so quickly with no evidence. where was he this week?

[AnyFucker]

Of course you can do something.

Tell him you are prepared to end the relationship if he doesn't explain himself.

What "friends" has he been away with and what was the context of the break ?

< about to give up >

[SleepingTiger]

In light of the most probable reasons, gambling, lining up some money to move out, followed by the blanket silence, I would say you qoyld not be unreasonable to make the largest transfers you can from the joint to your sole account. It's reasonable to protect yourself like that.

[SleepingTiger]

qoyld = would, believe it or not.

[pinkoneblueone]

Do you have a birthday or anniversary coming up that he may have splurged on and wants to surprise you? This might be why he won't talk about it

[SleepingTiger]

Take tomorrow off work, do the transfer, obtain important docs, then tell him to prepare for Wexit unless he tells the truth.

Other than that an an early night there is nothing you can do.

[MoreCoffeeNow]

Something is very wrong. He must have known you'd find out. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man who would steal from me.

[Cabrinha]

What kind of an arsehole would leave his wife upset over a massive amount of money being taken without discussion, if he knew it was for a present?

Also, it's their money. You don't take joint money to buy a present / anniversary trip unilaterally with discussion.

That's scraping the barrel for a reason why arseholian behaviour might be OK. It isn't.

You say "oh sorry darling, I didn't mean to worry you! Look, it's because it's our anniversary - I can explain, or still surprise you?"

[HolyshitIfuckedupbigtime]

Just open another account, transfer 2k, see if he notices. Simple.

[babba2014]

Wow what a man. I would be cautious about him removing anymore. Just transfer 2k to yourself or more if you think he'll take more. Sounds childish but he doesn't seem very trustworthy at this moment and has gone to bed. Not on.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

If DH had done this it would be so out of character that I would be very worried about his mental health. And I mean that literally.

That's why people are saying you're calm. It seems that this can't be that out of character if you aren't utterly freaking out.

BTW putting the same money in when he's earning much more is weird and I don't care that people disagree. I couldn't (metaphorically) eat lobster while my partner ate beans. It's odd.

[Upandaway0987]

He doesn't care about me, this proves it. Yesterday all he needed to do was explain and say sorry for forgetting to tell me, to say it's his own money is totally out of order. Today by still offering no explanation and refusing to speak about it just proves he doesn't care. He knows id of found out and that's what stinks about his behaviour.

[SleepingTiger]

Personally I do not think the quantum of the transfer is the thing to dwell on. It is meaningful enough in all ways tonight to warrant the nuclear option. Transfer the lot as quick as you can to your account. You have your reasons.

[MammouthTask]

Or he has a massive issue (eg debts you didn't know about) and is scared like hell to tell you.

[Gazelda]

Is there enough left in the account to cover usual joint expenses? And will it keep a good level of cash flow if you each put in your normal amount next month?

The answers to these questions matter.

But his refusal to talk implies to me that he knows he was out of order. Unless he explains satisfactorily, I'd be considering seriously the future of the relationship.

[Starlight234]

If I was you I would pack a bag and tell him to get out..

Turn lights on, Tv blaring so he gets not rest till he is out... You are going to get no rest at all.

[DontMindMe1]

stop allowing him to treat you like a mug!

he's going to take the rest of the money too if you don't shift half into your own account - afterall, he earns more than you so his excuse will always be that it's his money.

[laurenandsophie]

OP is everything going ok? I've been worried about you. :/