Joint bank account...what if???

[Upandaway0987]

Your OH took 2000 pounds out of your joint bank and didn't discuss it with you would you do? Would you expect him or her to discuss it with you first?

[TyrionLannisterforKing]

Agree with somekindofmother

Perhaps paranoid, but I would not take any risks. Is your relationship ok? Is it possible he is moving everything he can so he ends up with more after a divorce?

[DoubleCarrick]

I think it depends how you work your finances. E.g. if it's house money, is it available for renovations? Did he see a bargain that couldn't be missed.


So, for example, with us, we have a fixed sum in mind for house renovations and purchases that we add to. So if DH took 2k from that I might think he found some decent flooring, or something. He wouldn't need to mention it or discuss it as it's an allocated amount and he would tell me when he saw me.

[Bogeyface]

Honestly?

If he was away then I would be thinking that perhaps he wasnt planning on coming home.

[AnyFucker]

Op seems to have done a disappearing act but I would be checking for any important documents missing from the house.

[airforsharon]

The only thing that makes me think it's nothing shifty is the fact it's their joint account and therefore her OH might assume OP would see the transfer. Unless you never check the account OP?

[JennyOnAPlate]

Have you heard back from him op?

[FATEdestiny]

By what means have you asked him?

Why can't you talk on the phone?

[Upandaway0987]

Sorry busy day. H replied, says it's money that he's owed and wanted to know why I am questioning how he spends his own money. Pretty gobsmacked by his response, very upset too. It's a joint bank account, he earns considerably more than I do but every month I pay into it the same amount of money as he does, we are equal so why the hell he thinks it's ok to just go ahead and do what he has done I don't know. It's really spoilt today for me.

[AyeAmarok]

You have a problem then.

[HolyshitIfuckedupbigtime]

I don't have a joint account. But if you both put equal amounts in then that would annoy me?

[PotteringAlong]

Is there any money left in the joint account? You need to clear it into yours now. And then you need to talk about the state of your marriage. Because now, even more than I did when I posted this morning, I think he's preparing to leave you.

[Joysmum]

That's not equality. Equality is equal disposable income. You've got a big problem as he doesn't respect you with this attitude towards you.

What are you going to do?

[stonecircle]

Money he's owed for what?

[allsfairinlove]

Sorry OP, it doesn't sound good.

[BombadierFritz]

thats a pretty bad reply. are you actually married? do you have other joint accounts eg credit cards? i'd be concerned.

[BolshierAryaStark]

Money he's 'owed' wtf is that supposed to mean? I think you may have a problem love, that response indicates a complete lack of respect tbh. How much is left in the account? I'd be seriously tempted to move it into my individual account & tell him to get fucked.

[Bogeyface]

So you both put the same amount in despite a massive disparity in earnings, so half of that money is yours then?

What happens with your dispoable incomes? Do you both have equal spends?

This does not sound good. I would take the time that he is away to get as much information on your financial situation as possible, bank statements for as many accounts as you can etc. Could be that he is trying to clear out money in advance of dropping a split onto you.

[ColdAsIceCubes]

I'd be seriously tempted to move it into my individual account & tell him to get fucked.

^this!^

[StarlingMurmuration]

Move anything left into your own account and stop putting money in. I wouldn't normally advocate a scorched earth approach but I think you need to be prepared for him leaving you.

[Trills]

It doesn't sound like you have a very equitable setup if you earn very different amounts but contribute the same to the joint account.

In order for him to be "owed" money from the joint account, he'd have to have bought things that the joint account should buy with his personal money.

And in order for the joint account to "owe him" £2k, he's have to have bought £4k worth of stuff.

Is it at all realistic that he could have done that? (I doubt it)

Even if he had, he should have told you about it so you could both manage the shortfall.

[Hassled]

We have separate accounts and still wouldn't move/spend £2K without discussion.
Do you have any sort of inkling re why he's moved it? An expensive hobby?

[Hassled]

Sorry - hadn't seen last post.
If you both pay in the same amount (and that's wrong if he earns more) then how on earth is it "owed" to him?

[Difficultyear2015]

My ex did this but I only found out about it after I left him and was starting divorce proceedings.

He seemed to think nothing of it where as I was shocked and outraged.

[NapQueen]

Have you asked him why he is owed it?

Tbh we don't have anything like that amount sitting in our joint account so dh simply wouldn't be able to but if he took say 500 quid I'd want to know why.

[Penhacked]

Agree.. quickly move rest your account. Even if he is not leaving you, it will make him realise what a shitty answer he has to you when he realises the account is empty.