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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Think I've missed my chance...

31 replies

Mistymychance · 23/09/2016 21:07

I went out with an amazing man six years ago for two years. The we broke up for a year, went out for another year and broke up again. The only reason for both break ups was because I couldn't juggle children and a relationship.

I'm in a better place now, both DS grown up and I desperately want to try again. He is so nice I would be amazed if he's not been snapped up.

I want to text and ask, but is it better to let it stay in the past it give it a try? I would be gutted if I got turned down and will always regret losing him, but I know deep down I didn't have a choice at the time.

OP posts:
Luvjubs · 23/09/2016 21:22

Get in touch but don't invest too many feelings at this stage, as you say, he has probably been snapped up. Also he may be wary of history repeating itself.
Have you had any contact within the last 6 years?

Original poster
Mistymychance · 23/09/2016 21:26

Just the odd text conversation on birthdays/Christmas. I feel so sad thinking that I let him go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mistymychance · 23/09/2016 21:28

I was thinking about this:

Hello. Obviously I don't know your situation, so forgive me if you're all loved up. I've just been thinking about what we had together a lot over the last few days and thought I had nothing to lose by asking if you wanted to go out for a drink together sometime. I wouldn't blame you at all for running a mile after what happened before, but things are different now so I wanted to ask x

OP posts:
HolyshitIfuckedupbigtime · 23/09/2016 21:33

To be harsh he's most likely to have got over it and and under it by now. Men seem to move on much quicker. Smile

Original poster
Mistymychance · 23/09/2016 21:35

Do you think I should leave it in the past holy?

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 23/09/2016 21:36

I don't understand how you messed things up and where the dc fitted in with that. What happened? You'll always be a package. And grown up kids have a habit of still needing their mums.

OutragedofLondon · 23/09/2016 21:36

Can you not just ask him if he fancies catching up? Seems a bit too intense otherwise.

Whoooodat · 23/09/2016 21:37

I would just test the water first with a friendly non-committal message just asking how he is doing.

Helmetbymidnight · 23/09/2016 21:37

I would just text a 'hey how are you doing?'
If he responds suggest a drink...
If not, you have your answer.
No need for an essay Grin

TokenGinger · 23/09/2016 21:40

That message is far too intense. I'd run a million miles.

Just send a message and say something like, "Hey, how are you? You popped in to my mind the other day so I thought I'd drop you a message to see how you're keeping." And let the conversation naturally progress in to asking if he'd like a drink.

whatamessifindmyselfin · 23/09/2016 21:40

Ask how he is doing, don't go full on too quickly. Let him remember the feelings on his own rather than you reminding him.

WhisperingLoudly · 23/09/2016 21:43

Way waaaay to intense.

Just send a text saying hi and asking how he is Confused

HolyshitIfuckedupbigtime · 23/09/2016 21:48

What Whooodat said.

Luvjubs · 23/09/2016 21:56

If you've had odd contact Christmas/birthdays etc then I agree with others, a light 'hi how are you keeping' text and play it by ear.

TheNaze73 · 23/09/2016 22:54

Send a casual message, the message you were thinking about was way too full on

PotatoBread · 23/09/2016 23:10

Agree with others - your suggested text is way too full on and intense. Text him but do so with no expectations and just keep it as a cheery hello asking if he fancies a catch up some time

Splitting up twice already doesn't really bode well for the future though. Surely there must've been other issues/reasons other than being too busy for a relationship?

Original poster
Mistymychance · 23/09/2016 23:20

No potato, we lived too far apart for it to be practical with 2 young teen DS...that's all it was.

Thanks for the advice, kept it light and friendly. After a few texts he mentioned a pub we used to go to and he wondered if a certain table was still there. I said let me know if you want to go for a drink sometime to find out and he said yes Smile

OP posts:
Dieu · 23/09/2016 23:24

Fab! You'd always have wondered 'what if', if you hadn't made a move. Hope it works out.

Original poster
Mistymychance · 23/09/2016 23:30

Thanks dieu, you're so right.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mistymychance · 25/09/2016 22:19

Just an update - and a chance for people to say I told you so - after some lovely texts this weekend I've now had some blistering texts telling me he's happy in a relationship and never wants to see me again. Apparently he was only being nice to me because he didn't want to hurt me, me breaking up with him was the best thing that ever happened.

Wow, not surprised he is in a relationship, it was only a hopeful dream after all, but completely shocked he could behave like this.

OP posts:
PotatoBread · 25/09/2016 22:22

Sorry to hear that Flowers. No need for him to say of the things he did - hopefully him acting like a nasty rude twat will make it easier for you to move on and leave him in the past

TokenGinger · 25/09/2016 22:22

What a wanker.

However, I wouldn't be surprised if those messages have been sent from his DP. Seems bizarre to change his attitude so quickly. Maybe she found his phone and thought being cruel would push you away.

Original poster
Mistymychance · 25/09/2016 22:25

I think that as well token, the abbreviations were not ones he has ever used before and it just didn't sound like him at all.

The complete about turn is staggering.

OP posts:
EverReadyEddy · 25/09/2016 22:26

Oh, try not to be too down/hearted. His OH was probably the MNer with the partner leaving poo crumbs in the bed. Or the one who's DH wanking in to his socks.

He's probably picking his nose and flicking it around right now.

Wink
EverReadyEddy · 25/09/2016 22:29

Or... in case it wasn't him writing, txt tomorrow when he's likely at work saying something like "OK, understood. But no need to be rude".