Think I've missed my chance...

[Mistymychance]

I went out with an amazing man six years ago for two years. The we broke up for a year, went out for another year and broke up again. The only reason for both break ups was because I couldn't juggle children and a relationship.

I'm in a better place now, both DS grown up and I desperately want to try again. He is so nice I would be amazed if he's not been snapped up.

I want to text and ask, but is it better to let it stay in the past it give it a try? I would be gutted if I got turned down and will always regret losing him, but I know deep down I didn't have a choice at the time.

[Mistymychance]

Thank you so much, I really need to hear those words. I am so shocked he would let someone treat me this way. We parted as amicably as possible and always texted on burthdays and when something reminded us of each other.

I know you are right; I've been in the same position as his GF with my Ex and reading his texts to someone else was awful.

I am still reeling from the cruelty of it all, I would never in a million years thought he would do that to me.

Back to OLD for me I guess

Thank you, everyone. I am crying here at work and feel too stupid to share it with RL friends, so your support is absolutely priceless x

[Cabrinha]

Imagine how hard his girlfriend crashed, reading his warm and caring and complimentary texts to you. And be glad you're not her. Situation could be worse.

Don't feel stupid - you were pro-active and brave. That's brilliant! Not your fault he's not what you thought he was.

Don't beat yourself up about letting him go - if this had been the right man for you, the two of you would have managed things at the time.

So many people posting on here are in shit relationships way past their sell by date (mine was too, it's an observation not a criticism) but you were strong enough to end something that wasn't working, back then.

Find that strength again, and look forward not back!

[SeasonalVag]

You took a gamble op, it didn't pay off. Faint heart neer won fair lady and all that.....I did something similar, also got knocked back and met my husband a few months later. Well done on being proactive and ignore the tone of the final text.

[Mistymychance]

I feel so sad, I know it was stupid but I wanted what we had before. I did what felt like the right thing at the time, now I just wish I had tried harder and not let him go.

It took a while to pluck up the courage to text him and I was so happy, his texts were so warm and caring and full of compliments. Now I've crashed down so much harder than if he'd been honest in the first place.

[Mistymychance]

Thank you Cabrinha, I just feel so stupid. I would never have suggested the drink if I knew he was in a relationship.

It makes me so sad, not just that I lost my chance, but because my lovely memories of him and our time together are spoilt.

[Cabrinha]

Well, even if it was his "new" girlfriend I think you've dodged a bullet there.
If it was her sending the blistering texts (and I agree it sounds like it) I don't blame her...
From her point of view her boyfriend is sending pre-affair texts to a former girlfriend.
So what you've dodged is a man prepared to suss out your interest level even though he's with someone.
Not nice.
Hope it helps you to draw a line under him and move forward.
Feel for you though - what an up and down

[EverReadyEddy]

Or... in case it wasn't him writing, txt tomorrow when he's likely at work saying something like "OK, understood. But no need to be rude".

[EverReadyEddy]

Oh, try not to be too down/hearted. His OH was probably the MNer with the partner leaving poo crumbs in the bed. Or the one who's DH wanking in to his socks.

He's probably picking his nose and flicking it around right now.

[Mistymychance]

I think that as well token, the abbreviations were not ones he has ever used before and it just didn't sound like him at all.

The complete about turn is staggering.

[TokenGinger]

What a wanker.

However, I wouldn't be surprised if those messages have been sent from his DP. Seems bizarre to change his attitude so quickly. Maybe she found his phone and thought being cruel would push you away.

[PotatoBread]

Sorry to hear that . No need for him to say of the things he did - hopefully him acting like a nasty rude twat will make it easier for you to move on and leave him in the past

[Mistymychance]

Just an update - and a chance for people to say I told you so - after some lovely texts this weekend I've now had some blistering texts telling me he's happy in a relationship and never wants to see me again. Apparently he was only being nice to me because he didn't want to hurt me, me breaking up with him was the best thing that ever happened.

Wow, not surprised he is in a relationship, it was only a hopeful dream after all, but completely shocked he could behave like this.

[Mistymychance]

Thanks dieu, you're so right.

[Dieu]

Fab! You'd always have wondered 'what if', if you hadn't made a move. Hope it works out.

[Mistymychance]

No potato, we lived too far apart for it to be practical with 2 young teen DS...that's all it was.

Thanks for the advice, kept it light and friendly. After a few texts he mentioned a pub we used to go to and he wondered if a certain table was still there. I said let me know if you want to go for a drink sometime to find out and he said yes

[PotatoBread]

Agree with others - your suggested text is way too full on and intense. Text him but do so with no expectations and just keep it as a cheery hello asking if he fancies a catch up some time

Splitting up twice already doesn't really bode well for the future though. Surely there must've been other issues/reasons other than being too busy for a relationship?

[TheNaze73]

Send a casual message, the message you were thinking about was way too full on

[Luvjubs]

If you've had odd contact Christmas/birthdays etc then I agree with others, a light 'hi how are you keeping' text and play it by ear.

[HolyshitIfuckedupbigtime]

What Whooodat said.

[WhisperingLoudly]

Way waaaay to intense.

Just send a text saying hi and asking how he is

[whatamessifindmyselfin]

Ask how he is doing, don't go full on too quickly. Let him remember the feelings on his own rather than you reminding him.

[TokenGinger]

That message is far too intense. I'd run a million miles.

Just send a message and say something like, "Hey, how are you? You popped in to my mind the other day so I thought I'd drop you a message to see how you're keeping." And let the conversation naturally progress in to asking if he'd like a drink.

[Helmetbymidnight]

I would just text a 'hey how are you doing?'
If he responds suggest a drink...
If not, you have your answer.
No need for an essay

[Whoooodat]

I would just test the water first with a friendly non-committal message just asking how he is doing.

[OutragedofLondon]

Can you not just ask him if he fancies catching up? Seems a bit too intense otherwise.