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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I chase him? Met someone I think could be 'the One'

96 replies

commonpeasant · 23/09/2016 19:45

After 10 years in a horrible relationship, I finally found the courage to leave. My Ex was abusive and did he best to keep me down. During the 10 years together, I often met lovely men I would befriend, but nothing would ever happen as I was loyal to my DP at the time. All of these friendships fizzled out as the men wanted a relationship rather than a friendship.

Very soon after I left my DP, I met a man who was very different to any man I had/have ever met. We instantly clicked and I foresaw a good friendship. He was/is in a relationship so I never entertained or thought about being with him. I just did not see him in that way. Because of this, I would often chase him down to meet socially (as a friend), but he would almost always decline. I felt nothing of it.

A few months into our very distant friendship (he rarely agreed to see me alone socially), we ended up at my place (after I had literally begged him to allow me to join him and his friends for dinner). I was extremely drunk, he was sober. Because of the alcohol, I was feeling quite frisky.

While at my place, he said he wanted to be with me and wanted to do things properly (wait till we are together before being intimate). I wanted fun. Because of this, he ended up leaving my house and we stopped talking, given we wanted different things.

Fast forward 1 year and I still think about him. I happened to run into him in town and we got talking again. Agreed to meet socially. And here we go again - he seems reluctant to actually physically meet. He sometimes proactively reaches out and tries to set time up, but he never seems to be able to see it through to the end.

If someone told me the above, i'd tell them to move on - he is not interested. But given I genuinely believe this man to be my soul mate, what do I do?

OP posts:
SheldonsSpot · 23/09/2016 20:39

So you're the partner of this man?

And you've posted here, pretending to be the OW, including all of her background history (is it even true or did you make all that up?)

You need help. You're not right in the head.

AnyFucker · 23/09/2016 20:40

Nobody likes a reverse

Sort your act out

Did you ever expect to make such a tit of yourself over a bloke ? Embarrassing.

TempusEedjit · 23/09/2016 20:41

So whose backstory were you telling then about the 10 years in a horrible relationship? Because it's not relevant in your reverse story Confused

MistressMerryWeather · 23/09/2016 20:41

Oh right.

Was he the one to tell you how desperate this woman was, throwing herself at him while he was Mr Innocent?

Because that sounds very convenient.

SheldonsSpot · 23/09/2016 20:41

I actually don't believe this is a reverse, just that you didn't like the answers you were getting.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 23/09/2016 20:42

Why all the time wasting with the original post? Just start a new one with the proper question perhaps? I was about to respond properly but can't be bothered now!

commonpeasant · 23/09/2016 20:42

I just really needed perspective/advice on what the hell this OW was to my DP.

OP posts:
Maudlinmaud · 23/09/2016 20:43

Keep smiling, keep shining.
Knowing you can always count on, for sure 🎶

AnyFucker · 23/09/2016 20:44

I expect that if this really is the partner of the dodgy bloke she wants the OW to get a complete character assassination

Which means she could then join her man, just them two against the world, in blaming her

When actually both of the women in this fucked up menage need to raise their game massively and take their head out their arse

ALaughAMinute · 23/09/2016 20:46

OP, you are clearly fucked up but for what it's worth I think you should LTB.

Luvjubs · 23/09/2016 20:48

Don't believe this is reverse. There is no point in starting a post in reverse on this case. Literally nothing to be gained. Not a sensitive subject.
Either way, this man is a dick and so is whoever this ow is.
Also, to be clear, if you are the DP of said man, I really wouldn't believe his version of events if I were you. A lot of us were so incredulous that he 'knocked back' OW, and slated her saying he wasn't interested. However, if you are his DP and not ow, I put money on him bullshitting you right now.

MistressMerryWeather · 23/09/2016 20:48

I agree AnyFucker.

Did he honestly tell you all this about her?

He sounds like a shit.

LuluJakey1 · 23/09/2016 20:48

Still no self-respect. Tell him to bugger off. She isn't the issue. He is, and his feelings for you. Never mind her.

Noctilucent · 23/09/2016 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 23/09/2016 20:55

You are wasting your time OP. He really doesn't want you or need you.
If he was married and fell hopelessly in love/ lust with you he would have reciprocated your advances.
That is clearly not the case.
You have a big bad crush and I can tell you, you really need to get over this.
I'm going to suggest CBT as I had a three year long crush on someone I thought felt the same way ( it is obvious now he didn't) It knocked my sideways and I regret not getting help before as the feelings I had made me ill.
" Feelings" are just that; there is no evidence he feels the same way about you. Some people have a knack of " connecting", but this doesn't mean he is or was in love with you. It just makes you feel there is something in the air.
Best piece of advice I was give, and it helped was to keep myself busy; sew, knit mow the lawn, phone a friend ,anything.
Best of luck OP.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 23/09/2016 20:56

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread.

TheZeppo · 23/09/2016 20:58

As most have said, the advice is the same.
Ditch him and be happy

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 23/09/2016 20:59

Oh I see. Sorry OP but I don't have time to play these games OL.

Somerville · 23/09/2016 21:04

I've just re-read your OP and I can't see how it was going to lead to the kind of answers you claim to be looking for.

Whoever you are, you should be single for a while.

allsfairinlove · 23/09/2016 21:04

Christ this man fancies himself -- he's managed to two women to lose their shit over him? What a catch.

allsfairinlove · 23/09/2016 21:06

*to get

yoink · 23/09/2016 21:09

ah, that's why it didn't quite add up.

She was pissed and offered herself up...he was sober and wanted a relationship, but she didn't.

I smell bullshit and a cheater.

yoink · 23/09/2016 21:12

While at my place, he said he wanted to be with me and wanted to do things properly (wait till we are together before being intimate). I wanted fun. Because of this, he ended up leaving my house and we stopped talking, given we wanted different things.

Absolute bullshit. He shagged her.

TheZeppo · 23/09/2016 21:14

So he either shagged her (and came home to you- nice) OR told her he wanted to leave you and start a new relationship with her.

Seriously, what do you see here that is worth saving?

expatinscotland · 23/09/2016 21:16

Reverse, my arse! Pathetic to chase after someone. Borderline stalkerish. Grow up.