I feel so sad and so let down, DP has made me feel like cr*p.......

[sadmner]

I'm a regular mner but didnt want to show my name because I feel so sad and am normally so chipper.

Me and DP have been through a bizarre time just lately- not rough- just erm.......quiet on the love front. He's been working hard and late and we just haven't had a lot of time for each other. we havent fallen out- just had a bit of a quiet month! If anything it's made us feel a bit distant and we haven't had sex for a few weeks which is unusual but also havent really sat and cuddled or had a laugh together. It hasnt really bothered me cos we've both been busy and have just put it down to that really. The best word I can use to describe it is distant. and perhaps lonely.

The thing is I sneaked upstairs early this morning while DD was downstairs having breakfast. I wanted to burst into spare room and make him jump and when I opened the door he was looking at porn on the computer.{sad] I was so shocked I just said 'what?' and walked away to which he started lying and saying it was the top gear website. He obviously DID NOT want me to see what he was up to. It was a website with lots of disgusting pictures of women, really horrible and hardcore. I'm not a prude but the whole thing made me feel ill.

I've cried all day over this and half feel I'm over reacting but I'm just so upset. I almost feel like he's cheated on me. He's showed no interest in me for weeks but secretly he's looking at pics of women with their legs wide open?! eh?!

I don't feel at my best recently which he knows. I've had braces put in privately which I have wanted done for ages but hardly makes me feel sophisticated and had a disaster short hair do. I haven't whinged though but deep down do feel pants just lately plus we've been ttc but it hasn't happened which has knocked me for 6. He just seems oblivious though and then I find out all along he's getting kicks elsewhere.

OH GOD!! I sound like a right moaning prudish old bag but I really do feel like I can't trust him and he's betrayed me. Please somebody give me some advice?????!!!!!! xx

havent read all the replies but i completely understand how you feel. I too went through a similar thing. I changed my conraception and put loads of weight on over the summer needless to say i didnt feel very attactive. Dh and i had been going through a bad patch anyhow nothing too serious but things werent great in bed i was finding it hard to orgasm. Anyhow we werent having sex very often maybe not at all because i felt horrible about myself i didnt have a particurlarly high sex drive anyhow. I confided in dh in how i felt as he began to wonder what was going on i explained i felt really fat and unattractive. He said that he would help me feel better about myself and help me to lose the weight etc. A few days later i was on the computer and i couldnt find one of mt files and so went searching on to stumble across porn videos. I couldnt believe it when i saw they had been downloaded ater our talk and were still left on the computer. I was so hurt because dh knew i felt insecure about porn anyhow. His timing was just thoughtless and sat there and watched it all and seeing their skinny asses made me feel even worse about myself. I was livid but more then anything hurt by dh inconsideration to my feelings.
Men are just thoughtless.

It really does make you feel like shit doesnt it?

Being kicked when ur down hits the nail on the head i think.

i would have felt exactly the same as you tbh-not because i think theres anything wrong with porn,but because of the doing it behind my back type of thing.

why do so many men need to look at porn in order to masturbate??fair enough if a man needs to have a release once in a while if theres a bit of a drought on(dont we all?!)then he can have a quick tug but why look at pictures of other women while they do it.

fwiw it sound like your dh is genuinley sorry-at least he didnt say 'what do you expect if you wont give me any?all men do it,get over it'.i do think the two of you can sort it out if you explain how it's made you feel and he explains his side of things.

Thanks diva x

I agree with Dumbledore's Girl.

I don't think looking at porn in itself is bad but it is if it upsets one of you. You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If you don't like it he should stop.
I wouldn't have thought it's anything to do with you - ime you could be a supermodel and your dh might well still be into it.I don't think that it means that he fancies you any less.

Hope it works out