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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He hit me last night.. I don't know what to do!!

84 replies

ReachingOut27 · 18/09/2016 13:12

Last night he came home pretty drunk..
We argue alot and he can be verbally abusive but he's never hurt me.
I'm 33 weeks pregnant and I have 3 children from a previous relationship but they were at their dads thankfully.
I had an arguing with him about how I'm always alone because I'm supposed to be resting and he's always out.

He came in and came I upstairs.. Took his belt off and threw it at me.
He then took my phone from my hands and accused me of cheating.

He told me to delete all our mutual friends from Facebook or he would.
I tried to get my phone back and then he smacked me across the face.
Out of shock I smacked him back it was the wrong thing to do I know but i automatically went to defend myself.

The all clear of a sudden he punched in the cheek and cracked my head against the wall. Some how I ended up with the phone but it had died so I couldn't contact anyone.
I ran to the bathroom and tried to shut the door. He came in hurling abuse agian backing me into the shower where it came on and i ended up soaked.
He called me things like "fat slag"
Told he was going to look up one of his exs that puts me to shame and for a full hour followed me round making threats about how he would have the baby taken away from me ect. I was horrified and I'm still shaking not believing what's actually happened.
I'm terrified to tell anyone.
I'm terrified of being alone.
I don't know what to do.

I slept in my childrens room last night when he eventually went to sleep and when I woke up this morning he said.
I can't believe you smacked me last night look at the scratch on my face.

My face is currently swollen and sore to touch.
When I tried telling him what he'd done his answer was we are both as bad as each other.
Told me I pushed the argument by just not letting him have his "me time"
In this whole pregnancy I've been left at home alone because I've been ill and we've done nothing together.

He goes out every weekend.

He then got ready went out and has gone to play football like nothing has happened.

He has told me I'd have to have him physically removed for him to leave.
Im scared of doing that.
He tells me that it's unfair if I make him go and miss out on his unborn child.
I don't know what to do
Is this my fault?
Did I start this.
How do I find strength when I'm already ill and weak.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/09/2016 13:33

He has left you with no other option but to call the authorities. You need to call the Police and report this domestic violence.

Why would the police not believe you, you have injuries to your face and you are pregnant. I would also get these documented officially by a GP as well. You need to be medically evaluated anyway particularly as you are pregnant.

You cannot afford to let this as yet unborn child or your children grow up in an inherently violent home. This individual crossed a line that should not be crossed.

ReachingOut27 · 18/09/2016 13:36

I can't send the police for him I've no idea where he is playing. He doesn't tell me anything I'm just the fool at home cooking his tea.
Im realising now how long the abuse has gone on Sad

OP posts:
bikerlou · 18/09/2016 13:36

Call the police at once and press charges. Make sure he is removed from the house and get an injunction. If he treats you like that when you are 33 weeks pregnant god only knows what will happen to you later on. Later on he'll start hitting you in front of the kids and no child should ever have to see that. Don't hang about do it today.
One thing violent men do is ignore your injuries and whine about how you hurt them either emotionally or physically. He will not change, the violence will escalate probably until he kills you.
It happened to me and I've seen this hundreds of times over my nursing career.

Cary2012 · 18/09/2016 13:36

The police will believe you, he can't get away with this. Your unborn baby and your other kids need a healthy mum and a safe home. The police sadly deal with this a lot, they've seen his type before, he won't fool them

gemmawinegum · 18/09/2016 13:37

Someone needs to give him a good kick in. Sorry but it makes me so cross hearing someone hitting a heavilly pregnant woman. He sounds like a waste of space. You know what to do.

bikerlou · 18/09/2016 13:38

You don't need to know where he is, they will stay with you or put you in a place of safety until they get him.

gemmawinegum · 18/09/2016 13:38

Call the police so they are waiting for him when he gets home and also try and get a family member or friend to be present.

GinAndSonic · 18/09/2016 13:38

Also after reading again, he punched your face amd hit your head off the wall, you could have fractures, you really need to get it looked at.
What if next time you are rightly annoyed cos he's swanning about like a single bloke while you are at home with the baby, and he punches you while you are holding the baby?

Klchi · 18/09/2016 13:40

Phone the police Flowers

GinAndSonic · 18/09/2016 13:41

The police will wait at your home to ensure you are safe. They can help you get a restraining order put in place. They can help you be safe.

DoreenLethal · 18/09/2016 13:41

If you don't want to go to the police, go to the hospital and they will tend to your injuries and call the police for you.

VioletRoller · 18/09/2016 13:41

Call the police love x

Cary2012 · 18/09/2016 13:42

Get out of the house, can you go to family or a friends. If your kids are still with their dad get him to keep them for a while, or get them dropped of to where you're going.

Leave before he returns, tell the police, they can go round later to the house and get him out, then you can return.

Could you do that?

Str4ngedaysindeed · 18/09/2016 13:42

Just please call the police or women's aid or preferably both. Don't wait until it's too late. I did and so have a lot of other women on here. I understand the worry that he will twist it - I had one like that; that it is your fault and you 'made' him do it. Please end it now. I am actually almost in tears here thinking of you!

BlackDoglet · 18/09/2016 13:42

Police definitely. They will help you, promise.
If you don't go to the hospital, take some photos of your injuries.
Is there anyone who can come round to support you?
Sorry but your plan going forward has to be without him.
Stay strong Flowers

horseygeorgie1 · 18/09/2016 13:46

Police lovely. If this carries on and you stay with him you wouldn't be protecting your children. What is he hits the children? They shouldn't have to grow up thinking this is normal. You will be believed and protected, the hardest thing to do will be call them.

Please, please call them. Next time he could kill you or the baby.

horseygeorgie1 · 18/09/2016 13:46

Police lovely. If this carries on and you stay with him you wouldn't be protecting your children. What is he hits the children? They shouldn't have to grow up thinking this is normal. You will be believed and protected, the hardest thing to do will be call them.

Please, please call them. Next time he could kill you or the baby.

trufflehunterthebadger · 18/09/2016 13:46

What sort of man hits a pregnant woman!!

A lot i'm afraid. It is trigger in a lot of relationships for the beginning of domestic abuse.

Please call the police OP

gamerchick · 18/09/2016 13:47

You need to get him lifted. Next time it could be in front of your kids. By letting this go you risk scarring them for life.

You don't have a choice and you need medical attention, you could have serious injuries.

At least ring someone to come over. You need someone.

Luvjubs · 18/09/2016 13:51

Please call police. Change locks. Get this animal away from your children. If he can do that to a woman carrying his child then he has no limits to what he'll do. You have injuries. Please call the police Flowers

Bogeyface · 18/09/2016 13:51

I agree that you should go to hospital. Your cheek needs looking at and if you tell them how it happened they will call the police for you. They will believe you.

You hit him back after he hit you remember, you didnt assault him, you defended yourself.

He will be bailed to not come back to your address.

blinkowl · 18/09/2016 13:51

Reaching, lovely, turn this into a positive turning in your life - use what happened to spur you on to leave now, urgently and to protect your unborn baby and your existing DC from what will surely come if you stay with this man.

He has shown his true colours, time to run. At least you know now and have the opportunity to leave now before any damage happens to the DC.

Please don't feel bad if you feel sad about the relationship splitting up. You will be grieving a future you thought you had. But the truth is that future was never there - he's been pretending to be someone he's not.

He's abusive. Please run xx

BurningBridges · 18/09/2016 13:52

Please leave now, is there anywhere you could go and stay whilst the police come for him? You are in a good position in some ways in that your kids aren't his, and are with their own father so its an ideal time to leave.

LozzaChops · 18/09/2016 13:52

Call the police.

And take your own photos of your face, if you feel you can. Proof and a reminder to yourself, if nothing else, that you have to leave him.

smilingeyes11 · 18/09/2016 13:54

We believe you and the police will too. You need Women's Aid and Hospital too. Don't ever let this monster near you or your children again. Get on the Freedom Programme. And find some counselling for you too to work out why you think this is ok. Was your ex also an abuser, was your childhood an abusive one? Honestly - if you were my friend I would be taking you to the police and hospital now. Please call a friend or family to help and get yourself checked. These men often escalate abuse during pregnancy and once baby arrives. Please protect yourselves now so you don't become another statistic x