So, so sad

[TheFirstLastKiss]

I have just packed DPs stuff into bags. He hasn't noticed he is too drunk and snoring.
I am completely devastated, not because he is a great loss right now but I wanted it to work so much! I tried so hard.
My dd age 5 is going to be heartbroken I'm so worried about her.

He has always liked to go out and get drunk but lately he has been out just about every night. He comes home at 2/2.30 completely wrecked. I'm sick of looking at him with his zombie eyes and falling about. Sometimes I have to shout at him because he tries to wee in the bedroom and he doesn't know where he is.

On Monday he went out at lunchtime and came back at 6.30pm completely drunk in front of the DC.
On Thursday he went to work before the DC were awake, he came home at lunchtime and went straight out to the bookies. He finally showed up at 2am Friday he never even saw the DC and my daughter didn't get to tell him she had won an award at school. I had to drag him out of bed on Friday morning to make him go to work, he was going away over night so hasn't seen the DC for three days now. He must have gone straight to the pub because he has come back in a right state at 2.30 again.

I know I'll get slated for this from some posters but I did go through his phone. There were messages on there with some woman asking if he wanted to meet up and him saying yes. They both sent pictures of each other there were a lot of kisses.
He was saying how are you today my love? xxxx

She asked how old he was and he said 25!
He's 33 which I informed her of and also filled her in about his DC and living arrangements and suggested she run for the hills.

Anyway I have shoved all his things in bags and he had pissed all over the toilet seat and floor so I cleaned it with one of his shirts.

I'm just sat crying on the sofa while he snores and hickups upstairs. My heart is hurting so much for the happy family I wanted and for my DC.

I haven't really mentioned my ds much here because he is a lot more laid back about everything than my Dd. But I really don't want him to grow up seeing this and thinking it's the normal way a dad or partner behaves. Also I worry about what's going on inside even though he doesn't seem bothered.

Aww one of the saddest stories on here.

You've practically been a single mum with a third child.

He's going to be no loss op.

Cut your dream free of being in a happy family with this man.

He will bring you down to the gutter.
Wait till he realises he's lost more than he ever gained.
I hope you put his pissy shirt in with the rest of his clothes because...he's pissed on all of you!

I am quite looking forward to snuggling up with the dc in autumn in my pjs and having control of the tv.
When he was working away all week it was a lot easier to eat what we wanted (he's really boring and fussy with food) I had my programme schedule all worked out (I don't get out much) We had a routine and we were a happy little team.
He came and slobbed about all over and messed up my programmes and hogged my tablet

It was a lot easier doing everything on my own when I was on my own. I just had to get on with it.
When I had to do everything on my own and there was him dossing about in bed or on the sofa doing nothing and even adding to the work that seriously gave me the rage! And he would just whine stuff like I'm hungry! Or shout the kids and they would come and say Daddy says he's hungry! Or daddy wants a drink

He needs to go.

The biggest thing is getting him off the Tenancy, what do you need to do to get him off?

Not sure putting stuff outside might work. If he comes home drunk and cant get in, I'm guessing in his drunken state that he will kick off big time and will knock up the entire street. OP needs to have the bags in her hands, greet him at the door, give him them and tell him to go. If he starts getting vocal and aggressive, just threaten him with the police.

He can't be taken off the tenancy until the arrears are paid.

I don't think it will matter about the tenancy.
He didn't make a fuss last time and did find a place to go. He didn't end up going through with it that time but things were not as bad as this.
His drinking and going out has got so much worse now. And now there's also the texts I found.

What's your actual plan right now?

What are you going to do if when he comes back? Do you have another back door key? If so leave it in the lock.

Is this likely to get nasty? Always an option to call the police if he turns up pissed later and you don't want him there.

If he doesn't come home get the locks changed first thing (what area are you in? Long shot but if it's local and you're hard up I can get this arranged for free for you).

Keep all important documents with you. Will he be interested in contact with the kids? Is he a U.K. Resident. Not trying to scaremonger but if the kids have passports keep them in your possession at alll times.

Cut all financial ties, don't give him any access to your cash.

Immediately apply for all help you will be entitled to.

If you can treat yourself to some nice new bedding that he would absolutely LOATHE.

What are you going to do if when he comes back? Do you have another back door key? If so leave it in the lock.

Is this likely to get nasty? Always an option to call the police if he turns up pissed later and you don't want him there.

If he doesn't come home get the locks changed first thing (what area are you in? Long shot but if it's local and you're hard up I can get this arranged for free for you).

Keep all important documents with you. Will he be interested in contact with the kids? Is he a U.K. Resident. Not trying to scaremonger but if the kids have passports keep them in your possession at alll times.

Cut all financial ties, don't give him any access to your cash.

Immediately apply for all help you will be entitled to.

If you can treat yourself to some nice new bedding that he would absolutely LOATHE.

I'm staggered he can afford to drink like this and yet is behind on rent, the thing that puts a roof over his families head.

My mother stayed with my alcoholic father because she thought divorce would be bad for us, she didn't want to "fail" and he wasn't actually violent, just a drunk. She wasted her life and ruined ours. What you are doing is absolutely the right thing. Be proud of yourself.

I did that awful thing this morning where I woke up and felt normal for a few minutes then remembered.
My stomach feels like a washing machine and my heart actually physically hurts
I don't want to get up and face this week.

He came home and slept on the sofa. He's gone to work now.
I don't mind waiting until he finds somewhere if it takes a couple of days. I just want to do it the easiest way possible for us all. I don't want to be throwing his stuff in the garden and locking him out and stuff and the dc the go through all that. He will just give me the silent treatment he won't get angry or anything.

The dc haven't got passports and he wouldn't know where to start with getting them one.

His excuse for spending the money in the pub is that he works and deserves it.

I know it sounds ridiculous because he is being such a scum bag. But I just can't bare the thought of him being gone and not being mine it makes me just want to curl up and die. The thought of him with someone else make me feel sorry for the other woman and completely devastated at the same time.

I'm not changing my mind but I definitely don't feel strong. I feel a big crying, crumpled up mess. I need to get a grip of myself before the dc wake up.

Op a big unmumsnetty hug for you.

I can feel your pain but also your resolve and determination for a better life you and your dc.

I admire the way you have handled the whole situation.

Stay strong.

Kiss do you think realistically he'll look for somewhere else though if you let him stay?

And it's ok to be sad and cry and be a mess of course it is, come and be a mess on here, people who've been there will talk you through and then you can deal with him calmly
The last thing you want us to deal with him while you're emotional
So get it all out its a totally normal part of the process