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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So, so sad

90 replies

TheFirstLastKiss · 18/09/2016 05:29

I have just packed DPs stuff into bags. He hasn't noticed he is too drunk and snoring.
I am completely devastated, not because he is a great loss right now but I wanted it to work so much! I tried so hard.
My dd age 5 is going to be heartbroken I'm so worried about her.

He has always liked to go out and get drunk but lately he has been out just about every night. He comes home at 2/2.30 completely wrecked. I'm sick of looking at him with his zombie eyes and falling about. Sometimes I have to shout at him because he tries to wee in the bedroom and he doesn't know where he is.

On Monday he went out at lunchtime and came back at 6.30pm completely drunk in front of the DC.
On Thursday he went to work before the DC were awake, he came home at lunchtime and went straight out to the bookies. He finally showed up at 2am Friday he never even saw the DC and my daughter didn't get to tell him she had won an award at school. I had to drag him out of bed on Friday morning to make him go to work, he was going away over night so hasn't seen the DC for three days now. He must have gone straight to the pub because he has come back in a right state at 2.30 again.

I know I'll get slated for this from some posters but I did go through his phone. There were messages on there with some woman asking if he wanted to meet up and him saying yes. They both sent pictures of each other there were a lot of kisses.
He was saying how are you today my love? xxxx
Sad
She asked how old he was and he said 25! Hmm
He's 33 which I informed her of and also filled her in about his DC and living arrangements and suggested she run for the hills.

Anyway I have shoved all his things in bags and he had pissed all over the toilet seat and floor so I cleaned it with one of his shirts.

I'm just sat crying on the sofa while he snores and hickups upstairs. My heart is hurting so much for the happy family I wanted and for my DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheFirstLastKiss · 18/09/2016 09:46

Thank you all for the lovely words and support!
He is still in bed so I am going to take my lovely DC's out in the sunshine!
I'm struggling a bit with the tears so I just told dd I've got a cold. I think I'll be fine when I get out in the sun and fresh air.

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 18/09/2016 09:54

So strong. Well done you. Please keep us posted once he's woken up. Don't put up with any nonsense. Your decision has been made and it's the right one but it may take some resillience from you later depending on how he acts.

hermione2016 · 18/09/2016 10:19

I was in a similar position with my ex and left when dd was 5, she is now an adult.

I can't tell you how thankfully we both are that I left.Ex is the same, perhaps even worse as drunken recoveries are slower now he's older. I grieved for the life we should have had but that was never a possibility.
He will always be selfish and irresponsible and that does not make for family life.
My dd thrived once I was a single parent. I know it's not easy but life was good and we had many, many happy times and now have an amazing bond.You sound amazing

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/09/2016 10:51

TheFirstLastKiss, you are an awesomely strong woman and you're putting such a great blueprint on your daughter, which will serve her well her life long. Star

I'm sorry for your sadness. However resigned and accepting you are of it, it's hugely disappointing and I feel for you very keenly. Thanks

Therealloislane · 18/09/2016 12:04

Hope you managed to get out for a while op x

Bubblebloodypop · 18/09/2016 14:11

Thinking of you OP. I hope everything is going as smoothly as possible.

PeppasNanna · 18/09/2016 14:38

Hows your day going Op?
Flowers

Original poster
TheFirstLastKiss · 18/09/2016 15:13

Hi, when we were on our way home we met him going the other way on his way to the pub!
He said why is my stuff all in bags?
I said I thought you might want to move in with your love ***!
He just rolled his eyes and huffed a bit then stomped off.
Not sorry, not bothered about my feelings just pissed off he got caught!
Hmm

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 18/09/2016 15:25

Put his bags outside and lock him out.

Losingtheplod · 18/09/2016 15:32

I really hope you are not planning on letting him in when he rolls back in drunk later. He sounds like a complete arse, and you and your DC deserve far better!

Cherrysoup · 18/09/2016 15:32

You're doing the right thing, put the key inside th lock, tell him to sod off and not come back. It's not that you're not enough, he's the one lacking social and emotional maturity and intelligence.

BubblingUp · 18/09/2016 15:37

You can't compete with alcohol. You are doing the right thing. It will soon finally be over and you can carry on and have a wonderful life.

EllenRipley · 18/09/2016 15:40

I was going to suggest you read NoCapes' thread! You are and will be enough for your kids. He is, at the very least, an alcoholic and your instincts to get him away from you and your family are spot on - don't forget that, no matter how hard it is. If he gets himself sorted then your children will still have a father. At the moment they are set to have a happier mother and a healthier home life. What you're doing is strong & inspiring, keep going, it'll be worth it xxx

zen1 · 18/09/2016 15:44

It will be hard OP, but life will be so much better for you and your DCs if you see it through. You all deserve better than this.

Gmbk · 18/09/2016 15:45
Flowers

You sound so strong. Put those bags outside and don't let him back in. Your children will thank you in the long run. I wish all women were as strong as you.

PatrolPaw · 18/09/2016 15:51

I would be taking his shit to the pub... Leave it there

Queenbean · 18/09/2016 15:53

Flowers for you OP

lightcola · 18/09/2016 16:03

Whilst he's out, put his bags out the front and lock the door. He's clearly not getting your not very subtle hint so needs further explanation.

reddotmum · 18/09/2016 16:05

It's a pity he has gone to the pub. He will expect to come home and fall into the usual routine. You need to think very clearly what ur next move is here.

Ohb0llocks · 18/09/2016 16:10

Is there anywhere you can leave his stuff not in the house?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 18/09/2016 16:17

Will you let him back in the house when he eventually rolls up drunk at 2am?

Is his name on the tenancy?

I'd put the bags on the doorstep and lock the door. If I were feeling generous I would text him at the pub to let him know his bags are on the doorstep, so he has a chance to get them before they get nicked.

YoureaFlutteringCunt · 18/09/2016 16:24

His stuff outside and change the locks. X

Buzzardbird · 18/09/2016 17:31

He doesn't think you will do it OP.

CousinCharlotte · 18/09/2016 17:39

Take his stuff to the pub and leave it there.

Original poster
TheFirstLastKiss · 18/09/2016 17:55

Unfortunately I can't lock him out because he has taken my back door key.
His name is on the tenancy and the HA said I can't really lock him out or take his name off because we are in arrears.
That won't really make a difference though because he is not English and even though his spoken English is good he uses this as an excuse not to really get involved in anything and leaves everything for me to sort out. So if I don't tell him he won't know.
He will probably come in and sleep on the sofa anyway. He usually does when he's in a strop or too drunk to be bothered with stairs.
I've told him to go before but I've never packed his stuff for him.
I can't really take it to the pub because there is too much and I don't have a car. I'd have to take the dc with me too.

OP posts: