My worlds just come crashing down

[FranksBobot]

Apologies in advance for any nonsense but I'm typing through tears. Just need to get it all out before dd1 comes home from school.

Out of the blue DP came home for lunch today and announced he wants to split up. We are engaged, the wedding is booked for next year. He is an amazing step dad to dd1 and an incredible father to dd2.
I want to fix this and pleaded with him to tell me where the problem lies. I was under the impression everything was fine. He is the love of my life and I was so excited to spend forever with him.
He thinks things don't click anymore and he can't see us living happily together.
I'm heartbroken, I just don't know what to do. I've spoke to my Dm who has suggested I go there for a few nights but I don't know if this is the right thing to do.
Christ this hurts

sunshineonacloudyday Hello, would you perhaps like to start your own thread? I would like to talk to you, but not here when the OP needs such immediate support about her particular situation.

Genuinely best wishes to both of you. I've been there, OP.

How you doing tonight OP? I started a thread when I was in your shoes and it fizzled out, so if you want to PM me to talk I'm around. It's not easy to come to terms with when you don't want this/didn't see it coming

I've calmed down a bit and got my sensible head on. I went and spent a few hours with my oldest friend who always knows how to make me feel better. We cried, we laughed, we swore far too much (kids were left with my mum!) I cried some more.
Kids were in bed when I got back so I've got a plan of action for every possible scenario. For now though I'm going to spend a weekend enjoying time with my amazing daughters and my dm who I do not see often enough.
I've not been in touch with him (this has been torture) and turned my phone off for a while to give me some thinking space.
I don't think I will sleep much tonight but have Netflix to keep me company.

Miaow your story gives me hope as I truly believe (or hope) that it is indeed cold feet.

Hope you managed to get some sleep OP 💐

Thanks unicorn, I didn't get much but managed a couple of hours.
He's phoned and left a message saying we need to talk and apologising for being a total cunt yesterday. I've not replied yet, partly because I don't know what to say and partly because I've been out shopping!

Franks, I'm sorry about my last post yesterday. I was a bit harsh. It was borne out of my annoyance at your partner but that's no excuse.

Of course you wouldn't be foolish to take him back IF that's what you want but I do hope that you always have a Plan B in place; every woman should.

I hope it all works out the way you want it to.

Let him stew for a while.
Keep with the NC to give yourself the space you need.
Get your DM to text him back if you feel you have to tell him something.
Might be a good idea actually (My DM would rip him a new one!)

I am not sure some of these replies are fair.

Your DP is entitled not to want to be with you, and to explain why and to leave the relationship. This is not "shitty behaviour" and it does not necessarily mean he is cheating.

I left a 7 year relationship because I felt it wasn't working in much the same way. My ex was heart broken and for him it came out of the blue. But that's what happens when one of you has a change of heart. What is the guy meant to do, stay in a relationship he doesn't want to be in?

This is not to diminish your hurt, OP. You must be feeling dreadful and I really feel for you. But don't jump to conclusions.

heron, I agree that he was entitled to end the relationship but he owed a proper conversation with OP a) when he started feeling that the relationship was coming to an end and b) when he decided that it was ended.

He hasn't done that, given only the most glib reasons, and that is the shitty behaviour, OP deserves a proper considered reason from him.

Even if he throws himself on your mercy and swears he's made a dreadful mistake, could you trust him again?
What I mean is could you trust him to discuss things with you in a timely way if he had similar feelings in the future? There doesn't seem to have been an ' I'm unhappy can we try to discuss and fix things' conversation. He just seems to have thrown this over you like a bucket of cold water. That's so hard to deal with and would you always be waiting for him to do it again?

Sorry - I've just repeated what Lying said.

Hopefully it's just a major wobble on his side and he comes round but stay strong and just get on with each day as it comes. Xxx

You did it better though, Runny :)

If you don't know what to say, say nothing until you do. Although, ' I missed your call because I was shopping' sounds perfect.