marriage falling apart

[wishitwasntlikethis]

i just don't know what to do....

i'm hardly ever happy /relaxed with dh. we have a 9 month old baby and for a few months aftr the birth i was very anxious and it badly affected our relationship. huge rows and nasty things were said. i ended up on ad s andit seems to "dull" things a bit.

in addition, i sometimes feel intimidated by dh as a result of all his raging during the rows (he's now seeing a counsellor). we don't sleep together because his snoring keeps me awake and have had sex twice since ds was born. last time nearly 4 months ago.

i'm comng off the ads now nad having horrible side effects and also had some minor surgery yesterday wgcih means i shouldn't leift ds for a few days. i was upset and feelijg awful yesterday and we go annoyed with eachother. i still felt bad this morning and wasn't friendly to dh. ds need to go to drs and dh wouldn't lift him to help me "unles i was nice to him".Yesterday when i was upset and angry with him, he said ok you look aftr him(ds0 and started to pass him to me - i reminded him i was n't supposed to lift him and he took him back. but this morning i had to lift him, lift (heavy) buggy etc and take ds to docs becuase dh wouldn't help unless i "said something nice" i wasn't feeling "nice" towards him and thefore has to use my injured hand to look after ds told dh to f off nad he locked me out of house. he then opened door and called me a bitch.

in some ways he's a lovely dh and dad, but he canhe hateful.

I just don't know what to do

btw wish, 5-htp did nothing for me personally.

thanks so much for your responsed the reason i want to come off my ads is that i don't actuially feel depressed. but i do get v wound up and anxious about things and have trouble being rational and letting things go. and when dh does something thoughtless or says something unkind or is bad tempered it seems like the end of the world

My depression has a lot of similar features (although with a lot of doom and gloom generally). There are some which are targeted at anxiety (i.e. Seroxat) but those drove me a bit insane. If you are coming off one of those, you might be affected for a while. But I think if you really need prescription medication, life's hard enough, no need to fight it too hard. I only came off because of fears for this baby but sometimes think I shouldn't have.

I'm currently taking a dual medication for general anti-anxiety disorder and depression cos of my moods swings more than the depression perhaps you've tried them. I find these help me with my anxities and stress levels. Perhaps you can speak to your doctor more about your anxieties and taking something for them.

do you mond me asking what you're taking , cheekychick. i can't take seroxat - taken it in the past and put on nearly 3 stone in weight! and the withdrawal from that, was apalling. i was taking citalopram intil a few weks ago

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Hi Wish, sorry had to get some sleep cos of the time difference.

Its taken about 3 different meds over 2 years to find the right one for me. I've been on Luvox and Zoloft I didn't like the side effects I had on these and they didn't subside over the period I had taken them such as weight gain, detatched from reality that zonked numb kinda feeling most of the time i felt the lights were on but noones home. If I didnt have children I dont think I would have got out of bed.

So far I've responded very well with this medication its called Efexor-XR the active ingredient is Venlafaxine-HCL. It has all the usual side effects and health warnings. I suffered for the first 3 months with insomnia, dry mouth, loss of appetite (I didn't mind that) and minor sexual disfunction such as loss of sensitivty, dryness. But that was ok the benefits of being more stable far outweighed the way I was. I think once you get yourself balanced then you're able to tackle and manage your life better.

wll thiungs have been a bit better for the last day or so. I've decided to go back on the ad s as they do seem to make me feel better. BUT, (and i know this will sound ridiculous) know i feel anxious and unable to even eat because i think dh lied to me this morning. he said that ds had food down his top, i asked if he's remembered to used his bib(he know i don't like ds's clothes getting food stains on them if poss) and he said yes, he'd used a bab, the food was from where he's been a bit sick. that was fine. But there was o used bib in the kitchen, i've checked everywhere. It's been a big issue in the past with him telling silly lies and he knows how upset it makes me as it makes me wonder whether he could be lying about bigger things. i want to phone him and ask where the used bib is, but he's busy all morning and his phone is switched off. I can't believe after all we've been though this week, he would go and tell and stupid lie and risk upsetting things again. i'm sitting here trying to to cry

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oh wish please dont cry. dh is just being thoughtless he knows u dont like ds putting food stains on his clothes without a bib he just wanted a headstart out the door before u had another argument about not wearing a bib. For dh it was a fight or flight reaction and he chose to tell a lie and run.

Have you got any plans for the weekend? Everyone is speaking about the snow are snowing where you are? Are you able to have a jarmy weekend go get you a big block of chocolate, ice cream, chips, dvd's heaps of comedies I recommend Nacho Libre, 50 first dates, Longest Yard stay away from the dramas, Barnyard animals is hillarious fun for ds. Forget the housework n stuff... just a thought.

thanks cc. have spoken to him now, and found the bib. i feel so silly for making such a fuss now. he was very patient with me when i phined him in a state