Fuck off you stupid prick

[Turtlebay]

Fuck off you stupid prick of a husband, who is now giving me the silent treatment because I dared to go to a final wedding dress fitting with my only sister, for whom I am chief bridesmaid.
For daring to leave you to look after your own children for a few fucking hours after you "had a stressful week!" which included a day playing golf instead of working and finishing each day by 4pm latest and then sitting on your arse on the sofa, watching tv and playing crappy games on your phone, waiting for me to get home from work after picking up three children from various childcare, so you can enquire what I am making you for dinner and moan how it is too late as you want to go to the fucking gym for your 2 hour daily session including sitting in the jacuzzi and sauna.

Fuck off! You've spent most of the last year either shouting at me or ignoring me.
Getting angry if your clothes are not washed or I haven't bought the right food or the house is not clean on my 'days off' which are also spent looking after a two year old!
Fuck off! I don't get a fucking day off, this shit is never ending. I haven't had a full nights sleep in over two years, not that you'd know because while I'm wrestling the toddler you're snoring like a fucking pig!

Yes, I know you earn significantly more than me, which obviously means that your needs far more important than mine. Yes,I know that I'm lucky to have you and there are loads of women lining up to take my place. Yes, I also know that I owe my lovely existence to you and if you leave me I will have nothing.
I know this because you tell me frequently, particularly when I haven't had sex with you as often as you expect. Newsflash, being spoken to like shit is not a turn on, so you might want to try changing your approach.

Do you know what? I don't fucking care about any of it any more, I'm sick of it, the whole fucking thing.
I'd love to tell him all this, but as he is ignoring me and won't listen to anything I say, I can't, so I'm ranting here instead. I normally just get on with things but he's proper pissed me off this time, like a switch has been flicked.

I don't expect any replies, I just needed to get this off my chest. I don't need you to tell me to ltb as clearly I know I should, I just don't have the energy for that battle at the moment.

Sorry to hear this Turtle, I am going through a break up and it sucks. He too is Mr Nice Guy while being a complete shit to me. PM me if you want to talk, but as others have said, it's really important to be kind to yourself and get your ducks in a row right now. This situation is not going to improve.
Take care.

You actually do have the energy to end this awful situation; it's splattered all over your post like blood and venom. Harness that energy, accept that it will burn like hell but use it to transform your life for the better. Because this isn't going to get better until you do. You really really DO have the energy; don't waste it by hanging on in there.

It sure is tough being a man!
I blame the mothers who let their precious boys become like this.

The irony that you're only blaming the mothers...

My DH would stick hot needles in his eyes, rather than allow our 3 boys to become like this.

Seems like a giant twat, with no redeeming features other than he's providing financially.

If you don't love him - and by the sound of it there is little TO love - then seriously consider your future with him x

Be calm. Be like the duck in the river, appear to float effortlessly but paddle like hell under the surface. Don't give him any reason to suspect you're planning your exit.

See a solicitor. Now. Your BH (bastard husband) will have to pay maintenance for the children. A solicitor can advise you what is realistic to expect, both in maintenance and legal actions. They can advise you whether or not to leave or if it would be better for you to grit your teeth and stay living (separately) in the same house until things get worked out.

Gather important papers and documents (birth/marriage certs, passports), or at least know where they are, make copies if it is not safe to move them. Make a list of assets and bills, his wages, your wages, bank statements. Start stashing away cash for a 'fuck you fund'. Find one close friend or relative you can trust implicitly and ask for their help in storing these things away from the house, or keep them at work if you have a safe place to store them. Try to calculate what your income will be (wages, benefits) and see what your housing market is like. If possible, and if a solicitor OKs it, would your parents/siblings/friend be able to take you and the children temporarily?

Remember that right now he is absolute dead weight in your life. He does nothing, he adds nothing to it. You will have so much more time once he's gone.

Good luck

Turtle that sounds crap for you! Do you work? Do you or could you save enough money to get another place or out a deposit somewhere? Don't say you're nothing without him as you definitely are!xx

adult life is lovely - you can actually chose who you live with and don't have to live with an asshole. Good luck OP.

Don't let him treat you like this. Do you want to be in this marriage? He sounds a controlling arsehole.

This crap could be the rest of your life. If you know it's run its time, make plans and live the life you want and deserve for you and your children.

Build some time into your timetable for you, no kids, no work, no housework etc, just you. Have a bit of headspace somewhere to really think about what is going on here and if you want the rest of your life to be the same.

Mine was like that OP and I left... life is soo much better now

Get your financial shit together and leave the fucking prick. He sounds like a total cunt. Good luck

LTB stat. As in now this minute. ok.

I bet he would pay attention to a letter from a solicitor accompanied by divorce papers.

Get through the wedding. Enjoy it as much as you can. You can look at it as a reverse wedding for you - a secret party to start your new life.

Then do what you need to do.
Check your credit score.
Visit CAB to see what benefits you might be able to get.
Collect papers like birth certs.
Track down information on money/accounts, insurance, value of assets (rough idea). This will take a while.
Find a few paystubs of his, and keep yours.
Set up an account of your own if you don't have one. Start putting some money into it.
Get a cc in your name if you don't have one already.

You don't need to feel completely ready immediately to cope with every single detail of what the next year or two will bring.

Just get the ball rolling, and be prepared to put one foot in front of the other as events unfold.

Even I know that a running away money stash is essential. No matter what, you have to have a release valve.

Best of luck OP. You can do it, but no one can make you do it. You have to decide for yourself.

Always have your own resources in an emergency, just saying.

it's a perpetual wonder to me how people, seemingly bright, aware, assertive, choose to endure shitty behaviour, and go to the ends of their own tethers to facilitate it.

I couldn't agree more with this. I have neither the tolerance or inclination to put up with such mistreatment.

Anyone who tells me I'm lucky to have them as hundreds are queuing up to take my place, would be told to come down to earth and stop dreaming OR be told to go for it.

A good strategy while you're still with him is to ignore. Simply ignore. If I cook a meal ... you can eat. If I don't feel like cooking, I won't. He can wash his own clothes and do his own ironing.

Any whinging and you should get a pair of earphones and plug into your phone .. listen to music and drown out the moaning.

Make your happiness with other aspects of your life. Try and get a break by using ad hoc childcare (like in shopping centres). Go to toddler groups with your little one and meet other parents.

Quite simply I'd stop engaging with him until he starts respecting me and bucking up his ideas.

Ha at other women wanting him OP,you sound lovely and he sounds like a right prick!

I'm sure it's far more likely that you'd be the one that had a queue of men waiting to take his place!

Has he always been like this bay or is it a recent thing?

Breaking up is hard and I won't lie it is harder when you do have children but it is something I went through and as hard as it was for a while(for me money wise and my parents as much as I love them were a pain in the arse because they don't agree with divorce)it was one of the best decisions I ever made for my DC and myself.

Thanks to splitting up with my ex husband and divorcing him I got to have a life,that was something I'd never had before,I became closer to my 2DC,closer to my family,I made new friends,I went to college,I worked with some amazing people and got to make a real difference through my work for so many other people,I went onto meet my now DH and we now have 5DC.

If I had stayed with him my life would never have moved forward,the children I did have would have grown up with a very warped idea of what a father and husband should be like and they're both boys and my 3 youngest DC wouldn't exsist.

Has he actually said there are plenty of women who would be willing to take your place???

There are some twats out there who truly believe they are a gift. Maybe it's a line trotted out in the arseholes guide. Who knows. Call his bluff.
It's not going to be easy. However, it will be much easier when you have got rid of the baggage from your head space.

it's a perpetual wonder to me how people, seemingly bright, aware, assertive, choose to endure shitty behaviour, and go to the ends of their own tethers to facilitate it.

It must be nice to feel so superior to other women that you cannot ever imagine having a horrible situation creep up on you.

Be careful that you are not telling women that they are stupid and responsible for their own dreadful situations.

You wouldn't want to do that, I hope.

I have neither the tolerance or inclination to put up with such mistreatment.

Same goes for you, Sandy.

God I feel for you...I was there and MN helped me BIG time...make sure you have A record of all of this. keep notes in the diary or something but make sure you have loads about this so that you can remind yourself about how shit this is when you try to fool yourself that it isn't.. Sometimes leaving is the best. Staying can sometimes be the worst.

Mathan

Why have you decided to suggest superiority here. I just don't have the tolerance for it. End of.

Oh Turtle this is heartbreaking. He doesn't have women lined up, nobody else would put up with his shit. You won't be left with nothing if you split up. Get out when you can, when you feel strong enough. Leave this absolute cunt. You and your DC will be far happier. I hate him and I've never met him. 💐

Why can't you say all this to him - he's gonna wake up soon - are you too wary of him that you feel you can't say it - think he needs to hear it - loud and clear and more than once. He's got you right where he wants you by the sounds of it - don't put up with it....

I was you 20 years ago. Please heed all the wonderful advice on here about taking the time to get all your ducks in a row, and consulting a solicitor. I will never forget the look on my ex's face when he opened the solicitor's letter.It was priceless ..........he never thought that I, the little, low earning, domestic servant that I was then, would have the nerve to do it! Oh yes I did.... now, fuck off!!