Dry 15

[glad2016]

For all those sober, or would be sober, warriors. KOKO (keep on keeping on) lovely people :)

Hello lovelies, just checking in. Welcome to all the "newbies" so glad you found us here. I found it really helpful when I started out to keep re-reading the thread and blogs etc. It helps writing stuff down too. Wow there are some high sober days out there too, really well done. Just shows what is possible when you're ready to give it a go. Day 78 for me...hurrah ! not thinking about it that much any more but am prepared to be alcohol ambushed too ! I have told quite a few people in real life now and they were all understanding , so I feel quite relieved. A lot of people said they should cut down too. The biggest improvement I have seen is in my sleep. Always been a bit of an insomniac, I can now easily sleep 6 hours solid ! Woohoo. That in itself makes a big difference to how I feel generally. Good luck with the weekend, keep on keeping on.

Just posted in relatonships. I think my marriage is failing. In bed with headache in the dark. I'm so lonely. Don't know how to fix things and actually have a relationship with DH. We don't talk to each other except about essential stuff. Don't sleep in the same room. He irritates me constantly. This will sound trivial but he has gradually developed a monumental throat clearing habit that pisses me off so much I can't bear to sit in the same room as him in the evening. If I start a conversation he just says what is necessary e.g. are you picking dd up from childminder tomorr ow? Yup. We eat separately. He does a bit round the house and earns well so we can afford a cleaner. He cooks sometimes. He is very good with the kids except in the mornings. He drinks too much. I don't know if I love him anymore. I used to think he was my friend but he's not because we don't ever have a meaningful conversation. We'll take the kids to a nice pub for lunch and he talks to them but not me. I try less now because I get rejected when I talk to him. I prefer when he goes out to pay squash in the evening than when he's here. And breathe.

Oh gotta I'm sorry you are feeling like this. Could it just be a bad patch? All marriages have highs and lows - I know I've gone through long periods of irritation with my DH and he with me. It's not helped when you don't spend any 'fun' time together - easier said than done I know with kids and jobs etc. Do you think he is aware that things aren't brilliant? Have you tried talking to him?

Just read through your other thread gotta to save you repeating yourself. I agree with the comments there - it does sound salvageable with some effort. Marriages drift but they can be saved - have you considered counselling? Either together or on your own - I have lots of friends who have done this to help their marriages and no-one has regretted it.

Thanks for your replies. I feel really really low. I won't drink. Diet come and managed a little dinner. He is oblivious drinking beer in the lounge. I just walked past to get to the kitchen (building stuff in the way of other door) and he didn't even look up. I'm constantly ignored in my own house. I need to bring it up this weekend.

Well done on not drinking - you will be calm and properly focused when you get the chance to talk to him. Is there a time without the children that you can talk?

He sounds a bit depressed also with lots of solo drinking and not much social life/engaging with people.

I think someone on the other thread suggested writing down how you feel and how you want things to change which sounds like a good idea to me.

I'd also try and keep things non confrontational as far as as possible when you do talk - ask him if he's happy and how you can work together to make things better for you both.

I'm sure the others will be along with more wise words soon. Hang on in there.

Thank you so much for being here. I feel like everything is ending. Why are we doing up the bloody house? Nothing makes sense.

Gotta .., sorry about your situation. Well done for not drinking. . Sometimes we get so caught up in the day to day stuff we forget to look after our relationships. Can you talk without the children present ? Maybe he feels similarly or is unsure how to relate to the new sober you. Hugs.

Thanks matron lizzytee* can’t believe it myself

gotta* I feel proud of myself.. however life problems don’t go away… feeling a bit stressed out today :(

Welcome peppa

Well done Lily on 231 days… thats excellent..

Thanks vxa welcome sunflower

It’s true as matron says - it does get easier and believe it or not, you stop counting the days… it just takes a while to break the habit.

Jojo I am going to get stuck into the last episode of The Fall soon - can’t wait!

Congrats on 78 days Patchwork - it was around this time I told more of my friends too - and was really surprised when a few of them said they should too give up (we’d been drinking together for the past 20 years)

Don't let your thoughts spiral off gotta - I have a habit of doing this and it really won't help. Deep breaths, calming thoughts, meditation app if you have access to one and try to sleep. Everything is worse last thing at night. Hugs.

gotta I can empathise, I have children of similar ages (2 and 6) and it is exhausting. I am too feeling very much like you are. My husband and I are constantly bickering. He irritates me - and things that used to be endearing and now just plain annoying. I do love him dearly, however the arguing is wearing me down and is just so stressful with everything else thats going on in my life. It seems we just communicate for practical matters and the children.
And of course - there is nothing to take the edge off anymore!

gotta get an early night - everything always looks better in the morning.

Aw gotta just read through your post. U are doin so well,how often does he drink? You yourself are adjusting to your new sober life and seeing things in a different light. Maybe if you try to get a babysitter and even go for a walk or a bite to eat with him and talk. Maybe you both need to be honest about what's going on.
(Im trying to give you good advice as I'm trying to sort out the cracks with my dp things have been ok for a bit tho) x

Sorry gotta just read he drinks most evenings. Why not try doing a date night dvd when dc are In bed then you will be spending time together not apart.
sober sex is better ha

☺ feel a bit better now. Had a little doze. DH woke me up with annoying front door lock checking but I'm not too annoyed. choc you are spot on, a DVD night is a great idea. I don't find it uncomfortable watching him drink a I don't want any. But it probably makes him less perceptive of what's happening and less likely to make an effort. misscookie thanks for sharing, it must be common- we give everything to our jobs and children and then don't have much left for our partners but a bit of work is needed. Tomorrow is another day.

Gotta we also forget about ourselves

That's very true misscookie - I think I'm both much more selfish, and a better parent since I gave up drinking.

I used to drink because I hated saying no to people, but if you're poisoned, you're allowed a break.

Now I don't drink, I have to say no sometimes - I'm learning self-care, and feeling great about modelling that for my daughter (instead of modelling self-sacrifice and drunkeness) .

Quiet threat this evening..

I'm here! 🖑
Had a bit of a melt down and cried in front of dc today. Everything got to me especially my dp he was really grating on me so I flipped. I cuddled my children and just explained mummy was sad then turned it around and had a lovely afternoon.
Not drinking tho gotta deal with the ups and downs! Gotta ride through it not over or under!

Hi Choc glad you managed to turn it around.

I had a huge row with my DH and he has left.. he very kindly left me half a bottle of wine on the side just to prove what an insensitive dickhead he really is

ps - it's fine to cry infront of DC - I do it.. shows them your human.
At aged 37 I still haven't seen my mother cry. Now thats strange!

Hope you are ok cookie do you mean he's gone for the night?

misscookie are you ok?

Hello all!

Jojo sorry you have had a tough week, hope things get a bit better but bloomin well done for staying dry throughout.

patchwork I was convinced I drank because it helped me to sleep but I have had crazy sleep this last few weeks and been sleeping 8 hours a night!!! I am quite shocked about this as was convinced I was an insomniac but I yes I remember being a bad sleeper years ago with work stress but in reality I have either drank or been pregnant in the last 20 years so haven't really properly tested the water and who knew I can sleep without help! First few days and even the first 2 weeks was hard but after that zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Miscookie - what happened? Is he back? Is everything okay?

Matron how are you feeling? Has the fog lifted?

Gotta - sorry you seem to be going through bad times with your relationship it dies t sound like it's all over but he does sound like s typical insensitive male....

Well I am feeling a little bit happier, have had some success on the scales and we went out for a drink (becks blue) with friends last night which was nice.

I have felt very blue this week and very lonely - it has been a very weird feeling and like I have lost a friend but can't put my finger on why/who? We all know what that means...I think booze, thinking about booze, physically drinking it and getting over it took so much time that sometimes I didn't have time for much else and now I do and am feeling a bit meh! That caught me out slightly and I was a bit shocked by it but it's just another notch in the learning to be sober lesson.

Koko sober warriors!

Great to hear from you loubilou I think we all gain these insights as the booze mist clears.

As to loss...I think what most sources say is remember that drink (or drugs or gambling or sex or whatever your addiction/dependency is) is not your friend. So feel the loss, acknowledge the loss but remember where spending time with that (false) friend takes you.

If that makes sense.