Hi all. I feel like now is a good time to say hello. I've lurked on this thread on and off over the past few years, as I was contemplating my increasingly dependent relationship with alcohol.
This time last year I was easily putting away a bottle of red or even port pretty much every night - more at the weekends or on nights out. Sometimes JD honey whisky, which I could fairly efficiently work my way through. I'd started hiding the extent of my drinking from my (loving and supportive) husband and found the drink-related memory lapses and passing out on the sofa were increasing... I had a couple of ridiculously heavy nights out that summer, which really frightened me - I genuinely can't remember most of one night and haven't been able to bring myself to dig too deep in case I turn up something I would really hate myself for 
Anyway, the long and short of it is that last October something switched on (or off, not sure which) in my brain and I will have been alcohol-free for a year on 19th October!
The reason I'm posting this today is because I read a comment just now about not being able to imagine a life without alcohol. This is exactly how I used to feel and why every previous attempt to cut down/go sober failed so miserably. But I can honestly tell you that the further I get from my last drink the more clearly I see the hold it had over me, the negative impact it had on my life, the total absence of any kind of benefit. I can see where I was heading and I'm so grateful I got off when I did.
That's not to say it's been easy - there were some seriously white-knuckle moments in the early days, and I mainlined sugar for the first month. But, again, the further I get from it, the easier it gets. I don't miss it now and I can't see me going back to it, even though when I first quit I was convinced it would be temporary - until I got it under control 
Ok, so massive parties where everyone's slaughtered aren't as much fun, but as a sober spectator I'm left wondering how much fun they ever really were... I can still go out, I can still have fun, I can still be the life and soul and now I can drive home whenever I want (makes me extra popular with my still-drinking buddies 
) and the next morning I have the fun of not feeling like death warmed up. I'm back in control of my life and the warm, fuzzy feeling that gives feels way better than the warm, fuzzy feeling I used to get from that first glass (not least because it never stopped at one).
I don't tend to use the word 'alcoholic' because it's such a harsh, damning word, and I think that's partly because we are seen as somehow being lesser mortals for not being in control of our alcohol consumption. But look at everyone on here, from all walks of life and remember this is just a microcosm - we're just the people on mumsnet who've found this thread and had the courage to face our problem. There are so many more of us out there! I also believe that alcohol is way more addictive than anyone really admits (otherwise why would anyone ever have more than one or two small glasses?) and is so ingrained in our culture. Good day? Drink! Bad day? Drink! Wedding? Funeral? Birthday? Christmas? Weekend? 6 o'clock? Drink! Drink! Drink! I remember feeling completely bombarded with pro-alcohol propaganda in the first few months (especially around Christmas).
So, this has become a lot more ranty than I intended, and I'm really sorry for that. But I want everyone struggling to try and remember that you're not alone (and I don't just mean the lovely supportive people on this thread), it's not your fault (it's one of the five most addictive substances on the planet - number 3 IIRC) and it's fucking hard at first, but it gets way, way easier!
Keep on keeping on.
Right, off to have a nice sherry glass of fancy balsamic vinegar (yes, I'm a fucking wierdo, but it's my current tipple of choice )
Happy weekend everyone 