Dry 15

[glad2016]

For all those sober, or would be sober, warriors. KOKO (keep on keeping on) lovely people :)

One month AF tomorrow . I dtill get some cravings tapas but less often and they go quickly... minutes or even seconds. None at all today.
I'm really hoping DD doesn't wake me tonight. Seriously tired of broken sleep but it's my fault going to bed too early!!
Christmas AF seems quite appealing at the moment, to me.
First real evening social event next weekend... I've been keeping a low profile. Driving so will be fine. Only thing is I might get bored and come home early... No biggie as the next day I'm taking DD swimming so have to be up early anyway. No hangover is always good :)

Hello everyone!

Still here and still sober :) feeling more positive today, ate some food, met up with various people for coffee, had a nice relaxing day.

tattoos- that's exactly how I feel - that being AF stops my head being in such a permament loop! (I can still get caught up in a loop, but I find I'm bored of it myself after 2 or 3 go arounds, so I move onto thinking of better things :)

I still get cravings now and again tapas and I am past day 100. In the first month or so I think a bit of me would be thinking - chattering on about booze - ALL THE TIME - and I was constantly in this mental tussle with myself and it was exhausting and boring and time consuming. It was like being in charge of a toddler who wants a biscuit and will not shut the fuck up about it. I often think of my drinking as that toddler - not as the wine witch - but as a selfish, obstinate, little get of a toddler that needs boundaries and lots and lots and lots of love. (I know that sounds pathetic, but it's what has been working for me so far...)

These days the cravings are more fleeting - seeing someone standing outside a pub with a cold pint and a fag on a sunny afternoon makes me want both - though only for a few seconds. 'Playing it forward' has become a habit for me now because I made myself do it hundreds of times a day in the early days. I don't feel like I am wrestling with my mind anymore.

As others have said, I've found headspace has helped. I'm on day 21 now (and 21 days of yoga). I've missed a few days here and there due to life getting in the way and I really notice the difference on these days. Last night I did it in bed and fell asleep right afterwards. Slept like the dead for ten hours. And now I am up bright and early, not hungover, the house is quiet and I am having a cup of tea.

one you are brilliant! Am totally renaming it the wine(y) toddler!

one the toddler is a great idea and think i will give it a try thanks😃 It does get really exhausting going round and round my head so will give headspace a try.

Day 20 doesnt sound much particularly as i have found it such hard work but i guess we all do which is why its here.

What keeps me going is not starting again. Dont think i could cope with it.

I drove everyone on saturday night and it was ok. One thing i did notice was the awful stench of wine in my car on the way home. Never noticed that before - probably as i was always the worst one.

Happy Tuesday everyone x

Thats why we are here not its - bloody fat fingers😃X

finnish that is hilarious. Yeah, winey toddler is exactly right.

I know wine witch works for some people - but for me, it doesn't. I am trying to move past my shame and develop some compassion for that bit of me that drank herself stupid for six years. The idea of a toddler - needing a firm 'no' then some cuddles and distraction - feels a bit better to me.

:)

A 'spot-on' from me too!

How is everyone doing today?

Me, trying to get my head around a million and one things at once at work. So much so, I hardly thought about wine at all.

Downloaded the Streaks app to check steps, piano practice and AF days. Rather like it

I'm exhausted and grumpy. Planning to get the kids in bed, drink hundreds of herbal teas, do my yoga and be in bed before 9pm. My winey toddler needs an early night!

Being busy helps sometimes, doesn't it lizzy? Just don't run yourself ragged.

Morning all!

I'm feeling really really positive. Im so pleased that I got through the breakup sober, I have job interviews coming up, I'm being more proactive in my life, and today I'm going to choir :)

I think I'm moving on from the first phase of just getting through being sober, and starting on the making a new life which doesn't have alcohol shaped spaces in it...

It's very scary, but also very exciting!

Hope you got a great nights sleep one - I've been thinking more about 'the wine witch - although sometimes I found the concept useful, I was uncomfortable with the distancing of it too - I don't have evil voices in my head telling me to do things, I just sometimes make poor choices, and have thoughts which are unhealthy. In the past, I've been very persuasive to myself about how sensible my poor choices were. I'm sure I'll be so again.

But right now, I'm sober and loving it!

PS - Tattoos - I really appreciated your support earlier on in the thread when I went a bit post-break-up mad. I've started eating a bit better now, I genuinely feel much helathier at the weight I'm at right now, so will try to stick to this, rather than continue with the dramatic weight loss.

Hi all, it's great to see so many of you doing so well....Finnish I really love your post this morning about how proud you are feeling about being sober and your positivity shining through. It's wonderful!

Sorry I'm not name checking everyone, I do read evey post so that I'm up to date with everyone and when I think I need to chip in with something useful, I do.
I'm coming up 9 months AF and I'm now on my third AF holiday. I'm in beautiful Santorini and it's fabulous

My big news is that I also retired from work on Tuesday, after 30 years Service in the Police Yep, us coppers ( or ex in my case) are indeed human too!!!
Thank god I got this drinking under control beforehand. Can you imagine?? Lots of time to work on me now

This board is invaluable and that's why I catchup on a regular basis, don't know where I would be without it

Onewhite I really like your whiny toddler analogy.... It's brilliant.
Just a word of caution re the Wine Witch. My advice would be, maybe don't completely dismiss her. Don't give her any air or energy but don't completely and totally forget about her because she's a sneaky bitch. She truly is a sneaky little bitch......

KOKO sober warriors xx

Great to hear from you Hurricane.

Congrats on your retirement - must be a great feeling. I like my job but am a bit that I am most likely only about half way through my working life.

Great to hear from you finnish , I know what you mean about the spaces. I am starting to forget how my evenings were swallowed whole (or perhaps poured away) but keep reminding myself that I can't slide back there.

Yes onewhitepillow busy is good. Constructive busy, that is. I'm also realising that my lifestyle means that there are actually not all that many social occasions so as long as it's me and DH (who is still dry), no problem.

Happy Thursday!

Just checking in, and it's good to hear so many are doing well, and others are keeping on through the stuff life throws at us ! We all know it isn't easy. Starting my 6th week, and I'm amazed with myself ! Other than when I was pregnant I have drunk too much, regularly for over 30 yeas and never had as long as a 6 week break. I am sleeping miles better, my head is clear and I now find myself thinking "what shall I do now ?" after supper, instead of heading off for the sofa with a bottle. I've read loads, had a massive clear out, baked cakes with DD, learned to knit (well, it's a long strip of knitting, but I don't know how to cast off yet .... it will have to be a scarf !), and done lots of driving lessons with DS. Think I'm getting menopausal (grrrr. ) and one of the recommendations is to avoid alcohol....tick ! Just put the fortnightly recycling bin out...the glass box had a pickle jar, a cordial bottle and 4 beer bottles (DH) ...,usually it was full ! Hope I can keep it up as the evenings draw in. Stay strong everyone

Patchwork you sound very productive indeed! Yes the recycling is a bit of a joy isn't it!
My working week is over now so I'm making an apple pie this evening then catching up with tv I actually want to watch. Am feeling good and not craving :) not of a pink cloud going on here!!
Hurricane congratulations, do you have any plans for your retirement? Enjoy!

Hurricane congrats on your retirement - how lovely:)
patchwork youve done so well with your 6 weeks. I know what you mean about being able to do things with your time other than sit on the sofa with a bottle of wine. I have even been doing my ironing which is a bit of a joke in our house as I detest ironing but now I have more time:)

Well day 22 for me - 3 weeks - can't quite believe it. I was just saying to DH that I have started to crave tonic water (has to be Fever Tree) ice and lime, when I am travelling home from work instead of wine/gin or anything else alcoholic. I know I need to watch it though as I could easily down a glass of something so won't get too complacent.

Hope you all have a good evening x

Hi all congratulations on retirement Hurricane and hello to everyone. Feeling fragile but back on sobriety. Realised from reading my previous journals that every time I lapsed, it was when under huge pressure AND I had dropped my sober self care and got overwhelmed as well. The rest of the time when I kept on being sober I was coping with just as much stress, sometime even more, but I could cope with it all because l was looking after my mental /sober health.
Food for thought and will do it differently this time round☺

Hello everyone!

finnish so glad to hear that you are doing well and feeling more positive. You are right to feel proud of yourself!

tapas I'm drinking tonic water by the bucket load recently. I love it. Does us no harm, I think. Congratulations on three weeks!

glad so flad that you're back on the wagon - even if a bit fragile. It is so easy to forget to take care of ourselves when life is busy - but we have to, don't we?

gotta wonderful to hear you feeling so positive. And apple pie! I have plans to do some baking myself this weekend. :)

patchwork I am a knitter too. I find it very relaxing. Haven't done it for a bit because I've been concentrating on yoga and headspace but you've inspired me to start it again. Youtube is really good for casting-off videos, if you learn well that way. I would never be able to get it from a book, but the videos have really helped me.

hurricane congrats on retirement! Will watch out for the sneaky one, as well as taking loving care of my wining toddler! :)

lizzytea - here's a wave from me! There's a balance, isn't there, between being active and engaged busy, and being overworked and forgetting to take care of yourself. It is hard.

I'm still here and still sober. Some good developments with DH. He's stressed and was very very hungover this morning - he drank a bottle of wine last night, which isn't like him. I asked him to stop speaking to me with that tone and attitude, and he started bringing up something I said to him about three months ago, and have since (rightly) apologised for. I said we woudn't be playing that deflecting game together any more, and I wasn't planning on being around him until he could speak nicely to me. He's off sulking and he will get over it, or not - up to him. I don't feel like I've been able to claim respect for myself like that in a long time. He's just grumpy and hungover - but he can be silent or polite, and either is fine with me.

x

Just a quick post, my phone keeps shuttimg down MN for some reason.

Still here, two weeks today. Can feel the resolve wavering a bit, lots going on in RL and in my head.

So impressed finnish, really you should be very proud. I'm glad too about your eating. Jumped on the scales myself yesterday and I'm the lightest I've been for many years. They should prescribe the heartbreak diet on the nhs

Congrats on your retirement hurricane, very copper orientated family here. Very stressful job which think feeds into heavier drinking from what I've seen. They typify the work hard, play hard motto.

Apologies for no more name checking, will try to get on the tablet later if I get a chance.

Hi all
one I know what you mean about claiming respect for ourselves.

I noticed today that I am less paranoid about things and it has to be related to being AF - be good to know everyone's thoughts.

Usually I am always thinking I have upset someone if they don't respond to text straight away and start having these conversations in my head about being an awful person and I must have upset them
Also this week I was missed out on an invite which I was a little sad about but nowhere need as bad as I would normally be. I just put things into perspective and moved on.

If it is due to being AF then that is such a powerful reason for me not to drink as it is something I have struggled with most of my adult life.

Thought I would share but be good to know your thoughts all.

Happy Friday :) x

Hi Tapas

I can empathise with that lessening of circular thinking. For me, I believe that addiction of any kind results in a really selfish mindset - your thoughts circle on a track of what you want, how much you want it, when you can get it, how you will get it, how long it will be until you have it, how much of it can you have, how everything that goes wrong will be better when you can have your thing, how other people are friends because they do that thing with you or help you get that thing, or enemies because they don't want you to have that thing, or get in the way of you having that thing.

I am talking about myself really - about how small my thinking was.

Now I have time and space to think about other things - other people - and am less likely to get into the circular, one track sort of thinking that causes me to get anxious. I am able to be gentler and less critical of myself, and so other people.

I also feel proud of myself - I've done something really hard - and because I am not acting the way I was, I don't have this constant feeling of guilt and shame and paranoia. All that has led to me having better self esteem, and less tolerance for taking disrespect from others: at heart, I am starting to believe that I don't really deserve to be spoken to the way my DH speaks to me sometimes - I don't have to be perfect to deserve respect and kindness (shout it loud!!!) and I respect myself enough not to put myself in the firing line of someone else's bad moods.

I think there's a fine line to tread - showing gentleness and understanding to other people, who are all as fallible and imperfect as I am - and also making sure I am treating myself right and remembering I don't deserve disrespect just because I was a pisshead for a while. I deserve good things, as do we all.

Off out soon to the pub. Feeling ok, tired but just had dinner so not hungry and am driving so no option to drink. First time out in a large group sober. 33 days AF today. Have a lovely Friday all x

good luck gotta - sounds like it will be a watershed moment for you. Do you have a treat or reward lined up for when you get home? x

Thanks for the shout out one. I have nice clean sheets on my bed and plan to have a hot choc with marshmallows when I get home. Told my friend about going AF on the phone and she was really supportive . Going to have a mocktail I think. Here goes!

Hello, I need to stop drinking, I want to but I am struggling. My drinking is escalating, my anxiety is horrendous. I have been on the brave babes bus for awhile but I think I have got to the point where I need to actually stop and not fool myself thinking I can moderate. I am fed up of drink ruling and ruining my life and I want to enjoy my family. I don't know if I can do it though.