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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

my wife has threatened to kill me.

54 replies

user1467297746 · 01/09/2016 14:48

several times.. not in the row sense. " could fucking kill you" or what ever

but she has told me several times that she has looked at the knife drawer and thought about sneaking into my room whilst I am sleeping in the middle of the night.

she is telling me she hates me. she cant stand me.

keeps saying she wants to leave me and the girls - pretty much every month since they were born..

AIBU to think that this beyond therapy?

she was severely post natal depressed. - I didnt realise that depressed people would throw glass at you.. she has unclipped my seatbelt whilst driving on a few occasions.. threw books at the 3 month olds..

She is constantly angry at me..

I dont want a divorce becos I dont want my 3 year old twins to have my childhood.

But Looking at the above what hope is there?

OP posts:

user1472636564 · 01/09/2016 14:53

AIBU to think that this beyond therapy?

YES!!!

Get out of there now. Being single parents doesn't automatically mean your kids will have your childhood. What's better, a childhood full of death threats to their Dad, or a nice comfortable environment?

Until you get out, get a lock on your door!!!

Just be aware that if this was a women posting everyone would (rightly) be telling her to call the authorities. You don't have to put up with it because you're a man.

GTFOARFTH!

category12 · 01/09/2016 14:59

You should absolutely take this seriously and ensure you and the dc are safe.

Is she suffering postpartum psychosis? Is she receiving any treatment?

whattodowiththepoo · 01/09/2016 15:02

Get you and the children away from her then think about who can help her.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/09/2016 15:03

Yes it is well beyond therapy.

Unfortunately (understatement) no-one saw it fit to protect you when you were a child but now you are an adult. Being a single parent does not mean your children will repeat your childhood.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships?. They will grow up with a violent mother and a depressed father if you stay within this relationship, their childhoods will also be blighted. She has already been violent towards them as well. You really don't want that for your children.

You need to speak to these people urgently:-

mensadviceline.org.uk/

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 01/09/2016 15:09

Well you need to get you and the kids out of danger.

When she suffered from severe pnd did she have access to a mh team? Could you contact them once you have found somewhere safe?

Atenco · 01/09/2016 15:11

I'm sorry you had an unhappy childhood, OP, but lots of children of single parents have lovely lives.

This sounds really dangerous for both you and the children. You deserve to live and be happy.

I think you do need advice about the best way of leaving though

Creampastry · 01/09/2016 15:12

She needs help and you need to protect your kids. You are doing damage to them by not protecting them from her. She needs to see a mental health doctor.

SmallBee · 01/09/2016 15:14

I'm so sorry you're going through this op. She is not safe to be around, for you or your kids. Get them and get out. If you can get her some help or alert a family member who can, then that's great. BUT your priority needs to be you and the kids first. Don't minimise this or hope it will get better with no action.

HarmlessChap · 01/09/2016 15:18

She sounds as though she has potential to be dangerous, we don't want to see about a "tragic incident" on the news, so get yourself and your kids away from her, then speak to the GP or Social Services about getting her the help she quite clearly needs.

FoxesOnSocks · 01/09/2016 15:23

This childhood is the worse one for them, not the one where their parents are divorced. As a single parent to your twins you, and you alone will be in control of how good their childhood is.

RedMapleLeaf · 01/09/2016 15:33

What support do you have?

Are you not worried for your children's safety, let alone that of your own, their parent?

Original poster

user1467297746 · 01/09/2016 16:06

thanks for your replies..

TBH I hadnt really considered seriously that she would actually carry out the threat. Altho I am now giving thought to some incidents I witnessed.

She wants to go to couples counselling - we did try this before ( outside the UK ) - but I didnt feel the counsellor had any idea of our reality.. she just assumed we were rich in my opinion. She had the jet set lifestyle and kids in private schools just doing counselling for a hobby.

My childhood was one I wouldnt wish on anyone. I dont wish to repeat all the things I saw and experienced. I am at peace with it now.

We are staying with my mum which helps a little but is also a massive bone of contention. need own space. but to mention in detail the knife plan isnt motivational. and adds confusion over which place to buy.

OP posts:

CocktailQueen · 01/09/2016 16:08

Don't go to counselling with her - she is abusive.

I agree with others - you need to leave. Make sure you and your dc are safe.;

RedMapleLeaf · 01/09/2016 16:15

I'm not sure what this bit means. Could you explain a bit more?

Original poster

user1467297746 · 01/09/2016 16:21

we moved back to the UK after decades away. We were planning to buy a house immediately. but it hasnt happened. I bid on a few but lost out.. even agreed on a few. but lost out or had bad luck ( subsidence in a survery for instance ) . I sold my place from overseas and can fund the house purchase.

My mum's place is massive. BUt she is difficult to live with

But having someone saying they want to leave or getting mean at me hasnt really helped with the buying situation..

She was planning to go to do a degree and part time work - she has given up on the degree idea.

It is hard for her becos we havent been able to open a UK bank account due to having no ID. I have now got on the electoral register and got drivers license. so those are in motion.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 01/09/2016 16:27

You have no ID?
But you've come back from abroad - how did you get into the country?
Surely with passports?

She is pretty nasty and abusive.
She may well have mental health issues as well.
Does she see her GP?
Get counselling on her own?
You should NOT be doing joint counselling.
Not when abuse is involved.

I'd put a hold on the house purchase.
You many need to consider buying 2 smaller properties.
Could you do that?
Could you suggest that to her?
Would that make her happy or upset her more?

Original poster

user1467297746 · 01/09/2016 16:30

its a bit of a 1st world problem in that I have enough cash to buy a reasonable semi and perhaps 2 BTL.

if I was just to think of my kids secure future I should just think of buying a slightly smaller semi and 3 BTL I could then 'retire' and look after my kids - no need to work

BTW she is not a british citizen, she is on a visitor visa. but have been married for perhaps 10 years.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1467297746 · 01/09/2016 16:31

passport is not sufficient to open a bank account these days apparently

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 01/09/2016 16:37

I'd leave anyone who says they will kill me like your wife has done. I value my life. This isn't a woman to go to counselling with.

She unbuckled your seat belt and throws books at your children?

threw books at the 3 month olds

Is this correct?^^^

How are you protecting them from the abuse?

Original poster

user1467297746 · 01/09/2016 16:44

yes she threw a book at the 3 month old in their cot ( this is almost 3 years ago )

we had no support then at all.

I can say I never left her alone with the kids again until this year. I work at home.

The thing is I do love her. when she's ok she's ok.. its just that it isnt very often.

OP posts:

Runoutoftime16 · 01/09/2016 17:00

Leave, you do need to worry about losing your kids as you you are already SAHD. You will get 50 50 or more access to your kids.

Although I suppose you would have a worry about leaving them with her when you are not there if you were to split?

RedMapleLeaf · 01/09/2016 17:04

The thing is I do love her. when she's ok she's ok.. its just that it isnt very often.

But that's not enough when it comes to your safety and that of your children.

Runoutoftime16 · 01/09/2016 17:05

do not!

Original poster

user1467297746 · 01/09/2016 17:07

I do think that she is within the range of normal with them now.. she has bonded now. the book incident was years ago and when she really was ill after birth.

I just want my family to be together every day,

OP posts:

RedMapleLeaf · 01/09/2016 17:21

I just want my family to be together every day,

I guess you are defining family as children living with both parents under the same roof all of the time?
In what situation would you think this to not be the best form of family life?

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