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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Don't like him sleeping near me

67 replies

Mrsjacksparrow · 01/02/2007 11:42

My partner comes to stay with us on a weekend, he stays from Friday night until Sunday night.

I suffer from insomnia, I can go for 3 or 4 nights with no sleep at all and at the end of it I feel ill, headachey, sick and obviously tired. I've just got over a bout of it and judging by past experiences this should mean that I will sleep soundly for the next 4 nights at least.

The problem is when DP is here I don't get any sleep because of his snoring, he snores really loudly and it irritates the hell out of me, especially as it keeps me away when I have enough trouble sleeping as it is.

I suppose I begrudge this even more since he doesnt even live here yet he gets to sleep soundly and I get kept awake all night in my own bed.

I know it sounds like I'm just being a diva wanting the bed to myself but I really do value the sleep I get and it annoys me that he prevents me from sleeping on my "good nights", I know he can't help it but he refuses to get help for it.

I can't sleep in the kids beds and I won't sleep on the couch, what do I do? just put up with it?

OP posts:

nat24 · 01/02/2007 11:52

My partner is also terrible for snoring. Ive used ear plugs, pillows stuffed into my ears (well the corner of them anyway) etc but nothing works. I can still hear the dreaded noise. I have noticed though that if he sleeps on his stomach he doesnt snore. Ask your partner to chang his sleeping position. It may help.

Natalie

mammamic · 01/02/2007 11:56

As it's him that's doing the snoring and it's your house, why cant he sleep on the couch?

Original poster

Mrsjacksparrow · 01/02/2007 11:58

I was going to ask, is it unreasonable for me to ask him to sleep on the couch?

OP posts:

lazyanna · 01/02/2007 12:01

Does he drink or smoke a lot? This can cause snoring.

Original poster

Mrsjacksparrow · 01/02/2007 12:02

he's overweight which I think might cause it.

OP posts:

Callisto · 01/02/2007 12:04

A spare bedrooom is essential for me and dp to get along. The sex is great but the effing bl**dy snoring is not. Tell him to get his snoring sorted (there are ops available) or sleep elsewhere.

Pobblestoes · 01/02/2007 12:16

My dh snores for England! The sound is equivalent to that of a motor cycle starting up on the landing!!

I'm not a medical professional but having researched this subject recently - driven by a certain degree of desperation - I suggest you look at www.britishsnoring.co.uk.
It's the website of the British Snoring and Sleep Apnoea association. There you can access advice and buy 'mandibular advancement devices' or other devices which should do the trick! Much more effective than surgery I believe! We have yet to try it but I'll let you know ....!!!

NotQuiteCockney · 01/02/2007 12:23

Excessive weight can cause or exacerbate snoring, yes.

I'd recommend - stopping him from sleeping on his back - just give him a nudge. (I've heard of people having success by sewing a little pack of marbles between the shoulder blades of pyjamas!)

Or you could try having a noise machine to cover the noise? No good if he's a loud snorer, though.

maycontainstress · 01/02/2007 12:49

Yes, let him sleep on the couch or tell him to sort the snoring out. It is infuriating lying next to a snorer, especially if you are struggling to sleep anyway.

Would it help if he waited to go to sleep until you are soundo, or does the noise actually wake you from sleep?

God only knows how my mother put up with my father who sounded like the house was coming down. I think a lot of pinching of the skin was involved.

madamez · 01/02/2007 14:41

Have you discussed it with him at all? Because he might well be happy to sleep on the couch if the result is you happy, clam and rested rather than sleep-deprived and homicidal.
I'm a horrible snorer myself and would always rather sort out sleeping arrangments so that everyone's happy rather than have to put up with partners either violently assaulting me all night or gibbering with resentment all the next day.

Original poster

Mrsjacksparrow · 01/02/2007 14:45

Well I spoke about it with him today and he said there is no way he will sleep on the couch and he won't use any snoring devices as he "doesnt snore" . I know it sounds petty but it's like he doesnt even care about how I feel.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 01/02/2007 14:47

I'd dump him then.

Sorry, I really would.

Because if the shoe were on the other foot, I wouldn't hesitate to re-organise sleeping arrangements so my partner could get some rest.

holidaymum · 01/02/2007 14:48

Only option you have then is to record him! Preferably video him sleeping and present him with the evidence.

foxinsocks · 01/02/2007 14:49

ear plugs (really good solid foam ones)

go to bed first

and buy him some snoring spray - even if it doesn't work, apparently (dh says) they all taste foul so you can feel he's getting a tiny comeuppance

it's very hard to stop snoring - even dh, who has tried a few things, still snores for England and I just have to live with it

CatBert · 01/02/2007 14:54

Grrrrrr for you...

Say to him "WTF???? You think I am MAKING this UP???" Then THREATEN him with the snoring video and see if he would like to believe you with evidence.

It's YOUR house (I am assuming)... Bleeding cheek.

That aside - snoring in overweight people can be a sign of sleep apneoa (sp?) which is really bad for you - and just snoring in self can prevent the person in question getting proper nights rest... It would benefit you both if he sought some help.

madamez · 01/02/2007 14:55

MrsJS - what are his good qualities? Because his attitude does sound pretty selfish, and it's invariably better to be single than stuck with a selfish bell-end.
Of course, if he's super-considerate and adorable in every other way, maybe he's embarrassed about the snoring. but still...

paulaplumpbottom · 01/02/2007 16:05

Does he sleep on his back? Try rolling him on to his side.

Eeek · 01/02/2007 16:12

my dh used to snore so badly he once woke up to find me pillow in hand about to smother him. The snore sprays work quite well so get him to try them but the big thing is to get him to lose weight. My dh recently went on a very strict diet and hasn't snored since the first week. It's now 4 months (and 4 stones) later. Now all I have to do is get the dc to sleep through and we're sorted.

sorry - just seen he denies it all. I'd record him, ask for a change of heart or dump him

Original poster

Mrsjacksparrow · 01/02/2007 16:19

Thanks for the messages, I am feeling quite angry about it, more so because he doesn't even live here and seems to think his own comfort is more important than mine. I even added a bit on when I spoke to him and said the doctor had advised that we sleep seperately so that I can sleep properly when my insomnia is not active...he even turned his nose up at the suggestion then. He won't let me go to bed earlier than him as he's scared he'll miss out on sex on the odd occasion that I have gone to bed early he has woken me up by a) being so clumsy as he gets into bed and b) waking me for sex.

In other ways he's a good bloke but this is really getting me down, I hate the thought of wasting my "weekend sleep" by having him here when its the only time I do sleep properly.

And then theres the constant farting in the bed which repulses me but I suppose all men do that but again it irritates me more because it's MY bed he's making smell .

OP posts:

phanie · 01/02/2007 16:20

i know you said you won't sleep on the couch, i used to say that too. Nowadays, i get up and sleep on the couch until the morning and then slip back into bed before getting up. Everyone's happy, I've slept and it doesn't feel like we're sleeping in separate beds.
we finally have peace in the house.

Eeek · 01/02/2007 16:22

"the constant farting in the bed which repulses me but I suppose all men do that". Um, no they don't! Stop inviting him if he can't behave any better than that.

Original poster

Mrsjacksparrow · 01/02/2007 16:22

I would begrudge having to sleep on the couch when it's him that snores and it's my house. I know it sounds a bit petty but for him to walk in here, prevent me from sleeping, make it so that I have to sleep on the couch (bearing in mind I suffer from vascular tension headaches so the couch would crucify my neck/back) when he doesn't even compromise and try and help me in some way it's a bit cheeky imo.

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 01/02/2007 16:30

I'm not seeing a plus side to this bloke. He doesn't seem to care about how you feel. And the idea of waking an insomniac for sex . I'm assuming you didn't have sex with him when he did that, did you?

Original poster

Mrsjacksparrow · 01/02/2007 16:32

No i told him I was tired and he replied "hmm you always are"

OP posts:

lou33 · 01/02/2007 16:36

he wont let you go to bed before him?!!

bugger that, tell him to sling his hook

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