Leaving tomorrow. Scared witless.

[flyblossom]

Hello. A couple of weeks ago I had a thread about leaving my partner, I'm sorry I don't know how to link.
Well, d day is tomorrow. I've managed to find a 3 bedroom bungalow that accepts hb which was a feat in itself!
Tomorrow I have hired a van, it's coming at 9.30.
I have packed as much as I can without him noticing.
It's just that I feel so guilty. He literally has no clue whatsoever.
He's being nice at the moment, probably because everything is going his way.
I signed the tenancy today so there's no going back.
I know I'm doing the right thing, I keep reminding myself how he acts and treats us (my 2 dd).
I just feel really guilty and sad for him.
I'm not going to tell him to his face, I know it's cowardly but I am really scared. I was going to leave a note. I have told him before that I wanted to leave but he made me feel really guilty and that he only critisizes us to help us.
I'm sorry I'm rambling but my mind is going 100 miles an hour. I feel sick and want to cry.
Thanks for reading.

Wishing you the best of luck for tomorrow. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Best of luck to you OP

Thank you so so much for all your kind words and support.
This hasn't happened over night.
I started seeing a women's aid counsellor 2 years ago and she have me so much help. I can't tell you how much women's aid had helped me. I recommend any woman in an abusive relationship to ring them.
I had no source of income so I started selling stuff on eBay.
It's taken this long to get enough money for rent and deposit.
I don't feel very brave. If I were brave I would tell him face to face but I just can't.
Does anyone have any idea what I can write in the letter?

Be brave op

Onwards and upwards for you and your DD

My friend was in a similar position and live on eggshells. He emotionally bullied the dds. When she finally upped an left (all happened very fast) she said it actually tool her a while to get used to feeling at ease again. Enjoying her children. Enjoying her home and her own time. That made me feel so sad to think of anyone not feeling at home in their own home, especially for so so long.

If you can. Let us know you got there safe and sound op

Just write the note. Life's too short and your sorry but you've gone now. It's for the best for everyone. Its permanent. Wish him luck for the future and goodbye.

Don't apologise in the letter, please.
I'm not sure a note is required to be honest.
If you must a simple.
We've gone. I will be in touch soon regarding contact with the DC.
Good luck!

Are you still in touch with womens aid ? If not, give them a call again, they might have some practical advice about tomorrow and the next few weeks.

Do you have a plan for what to do when he calls your DD on their mobiles or trust up at the school ?

Keep it short and factual flyblossom. You don't need to explain or justify or apologise.
Tell him simply, you've left, you're not coming back. Will you need to communicate with him re DDs? Tell him you will contact him regarding this, but don't specify date/time. Do it when you/they are ready.
Stay strong.

hellsbells - great minds etc

Imagine how it will feel when you lock that door and know he won't be coming in. Enjoy your new home, keep on posting for support.

Good luck OP. Thinking of you xxx

Good luck op

Oh my word you are the strongest person I know. Good luck- I'm sure nerves will kick in but it's obviously for the best. Thinking of you

I am going to phone women's aid when I've gone. Not only do they do counselling they also do clubs such as jewellery making, photography and just social clubs, I'm really looking forward to going to one of these.
It will be so strange just to do what I want to do and not have to ask permission.
I have 2 hours tomorrow to pack the rest of our stuff. Dd2 has huge amounts of clothes I don't know whether 1 suitcase will be enough!
I hope I can inspire other women who are in the same situation as I am to tell them that you can do it, albeit with the help of women's aid.
I'm feeling a little more positive now.
Thank you all so much.

If you're hiring a van, just leave dd's clothes on hangars and lay them on top of everything. Don't worry about bags/suitcases. Good luck, be strong, remember how fabulous you are!

Can you get some heavy duty black bin bags - they sell then for garden waste ? Use them for bedding and clothes . Forget suitcases .

Remember to let your DDs school ow, in case your STBX turns up there .

If I lived near you I would come and help you move. So would lots of other Mumsnetters. I know you can't let anyone know IRL but I just wanted to tell you we are all behind you.

Doesn't matter if you have to use black bags OP! You're doing it, that's all that matters. As for the note I would avoid any emotion whatsoever, just say you're leaving and you're not coming back, no apologies because you have a perfect right to do what's right for you and will make you happy, no need to be sorry about that. I hope you'll be very happy in your new home, good luck with the move

Congratulations. You're doing really really well!

Note: you know why we have left. Dd1 will contact you if she wants to. DD2 will let me know if she wants to see you & I will contact you via email to arrange this. I don't want to hear from you unless it's about DD2, then only via email. If you turn up at our new home I WILL call the police.

Good luck OP!!

If I lived nearby I too would come and help you pack up.

You're doing the very best thing for your future and the future of your daughters, don't feel guilty at all

Make sure you take as much as you can of the practical stuff. You have the girls to look after & need it more than him. You'll also have the expense of raising DD2. Get sorted with his financial contribution through the legal system asap

Does anyone have any idea what I can write in the letter?

"Bye"

Maybe leave a note with your bank account details and the minimum Child Support you expect.

And your solicitor's details (if you have one) in case there are any legal stuff to sort out.

Wishing you a happy life. I'm sure it will be.

How old is your DD2?
If a teenager, then you don't need to tell school.

You are also not obliged to tell him where you will be. I presume he has DDs' phone numbers if he wants to contact them, and vice versa.

Good luck to you tomorrow, and with the rest of your lovely, happy, relaxed life

Thank you.
Bit sad tonight. I keep thinking to myself "this wil be the last time I do so and so".
Silly I know. Just hope tomorrow goes ok.
I will try and keep you all updated but I won't have internet for a few weeks.
Our local asda and mcdonalds do wifi so maybe I'll go down there!

Good luck Op you should be very proud of yourself.