Need advice on maintenance please!

[Vintagegirl1]

Recently separated from dh. Had posts on here under various names over the years where I was told he was financially abusive. Background-he works very long hours in stressful job,I am sahm to 3 (2 with sen) Mortgage in his name only which he pays,plus all bills and food. I have never had access ton"his" bank account and had to ask for money and was given £20 per week.
Found out he was lying about money again,telling me we didn't have any and then changed pin number on account so I couldn't get cash out and also lied that the machine swallowed his card. Final straw so asked him to leave. He is currently staying at his parents and says he will continue to pay mortgage/council tax but will not give me any maintenance. I have contacted cms but was given conflicting advice.
So my question is can he refuse to pay maintenance because he is still paying the mortgage?

Nope. You need to raise a case with CMS, which will cost you £20. They will ask him for a range of payslips to verify his income, and then they will calculate what maintenance he must pay you. If he refuses to supply payslips, they will go directly to HMRC to ascertain his salary. If he doesn't pay, they will hound him until he does. They can arrest his wages and even confiscate his driving licence for non-payment.

You will need a separation agreement, to divide up all assets of the marriage. You need a good solicitor for this, you really do. You can get half his pension (monetary equivalent). You can also get a chunk of money for "economic recompense" because you sacrificed a career to care for the children and he did not (so he needs to pay you for that).

If you do sell the house, the calculation may look like this:

House sale £200k
Repay mortgage of £120k, so £80k cash left.
His Pension pot at present = £50k Yours = £0, so he owes you £25k

So, you get £40k for house sale + £25k for his Pension = £65k for you.
He gets £40k - £25k he pays you for Pension, so he gets = £15k

Plus whatever you agree (if anything) for economic recompense.

You get the Child Benefit (always goes to Mother)

Plus Child Maintenance.

If he lets you stay in the family home, it's likely he can force a sale when the youngest is 18.

Do you have any idea what he takes home each week/month? Is the mortgage more than 20% of that?

If I were you I would ring around and find a local solicitor who can help. Many will give 30 mins free advice.

As you are married, all assets are joint, regardless of what he says. I think you need urgent advice as if you cannot access cash, how are you going to feed DC?

Should have said, everything will be apportioned to the length of the marriage. So Pension built up before marriage will not count. get a good lawyer. The free 45 min sessions are a total waste of time.Will cost about £1500 each.

Child benefit goes to whoever is resident parent, not necessarily mother. Any benefits you receive for your sen dc should be paid into resident parent's account. If you don't have a bank account of your own, you can open one online and make sure these benefits are being paid to you.

Thanks. I have told him I have contacted cms and that I will open a case if he refuses to give me money but he insists that they will look at all the bills he is paying on our behalf and decide that he doesn't have to give me anything. Our house is a complete dump (again because he always insisted he couldn't afford any repairs) so unlikely to be able to sell it in current condition. I have told him for years that the money he earned was in fact family money,helped by me being a sahm but he refuses to believe this. He has mentioned getting someone to mediate re the maintenance but I think this is only because he believes they will tell him not to pay me anything.
I cannot afford legal advice.

husky, that is over simplistic nonsense.

Child benefit goes to resident parent (not 'always' the mother at all)
You cannot insist on having pension paid as cash - pension sharing arrangements are more common. You will also typically only be entitled to half of his (and your) pension that was accrued while you were together, not the whole thing.
Wtf is 'economic recompense'?
Anything he pays towards the mortgage can and usually will be counted in maintenance calculations. You will not typically get both.

I have the same account I have had since I was a kid. I get the cb into that but out off this I pay 2 lots of school dinner money,all mine and dcs clothes,after school activities,toiletries and top up shops. At the moment I am still having to ask him for cash which is obviously humiliating.

I didn't like the first solicitor I spoke to but the second one was great. It's important that you get one you gel with.

I don't know why a PP said the free 30/45 minutes some family solicitors give is a "total waste of time" I found it incredibly useful as I was able t go back to DH armed with knowledge which = power.

Just take the first step, go and see someone and take it from there. Good luck

Ok so the mortgage is solely in his name. Surely he must pay this regardless of what maintenance he pays as it is his loan to repay? Anyway mortgage is £200 a month,council tax £120. Cms calculated he should pay £150 a week so does that mean I would get the difference? I did not ask him to continue paying the mortgage btw,ideally I would sell house even if it was for lesser value.

Given that this is financial abuse, you should call womens aid.

He can't just stop paying the mortgage, it will be bad for his credit rating. I think there are also provisions under the children's act in terms of housing your children.

You need a really good lawyer. But women's aid should be your first port of call.

I cannot afford a lawyer. I went to citizens advice and they told me there are no lawyers in this area who do 30 MINs free anymore. Ironically my dh is a lawyer so has access to free legal advice and was threatening me with receiving a letter outlining his "terms" I emailed women's aid last week and did not get a reply so presumed they didn't class this as abuse?

Also re contact-he is currently staying at his parents 2 bed house. He says will have dcs overnight 1 night a week and 2 dcs will share a bed (opposite sex dcs if reldvdnt) and the other will sleep on a blow up bed in office. I know the kids will hate this,do I have to agree to this?

Are you married? Have you registered your right to live in property? As your name isnt on mortgage at present nothing to stop him selling property. Home rights would mean he couldnt do this.

How old are the two children who would be expected to share.
Personally I would make to many conditions regarding sleeping arrangements, as you wouldnt want him to decide to move back in, which legally he would be entitled to do.

*wouldnt make to many

Yes we are married. Citizens advice told me he cannot legally force me out or sell house (I think they said under matrimonial act?) I would prefer to sell house but he refuses to at minute. Going by cms calculations he should be paying me £600 a month and mortgage council tax only comes to £320 so at the moment he feels he has the upper hand by refusing to pay maintenance.

Yes I know he could move back in if he so chose. I offered to move in with my mum (2 bed flat) but he didn't want this as would mean kids moving school and a 45 car trip for him to see them. Dcs expected to share are 10 and 7.

Also dcs don't have close relationship with in laws. They are dragged there every Sunday for dinner which they hate. I have told dh it will be every other Sunday from now on.

He has to pay child maintenance (unless he has dc 50%) and he will have to pay the mortgage as its in his name. He doesn't have to pay council tax or any other bills. You will be responsible for all that.

Have you worked out how much the bills are and how you will pay them? Are you claiming everything you are entitled to as a lone parent especially if you have children with special needs. Everyone's case is different so you need legal advice urgently. If you claim tax credits you might find you are better off than when he gave you £20 a week but it depends what your outgoings are and how you budget.

What about long term? If it's his house then presumably he will want to sell up or move back in at some stage. What would you do then?

Oh I cross posted sorry.

Personally dont think its unreasonable for 10 and 7 to share in this sort of situation. Hopefully it wouldnt be long term. You have to register your home rights then he couldnt sale, but just being married wont protect you.

Why is what he wants I s how it is?

Get some legal advice, put it on the credit card. He isn't the boss of you.

Vintage I feel for you.

I want you to be really strong and ignore anything and everything he says.

Children - let them go stay over. Grandparents will help keep an eye on things. How old are they? This is the hardest part, to let them go. Please try your best to do this.

Put in the CMS claim. Just do it quickly and quietly. It also shows him you are not taking ANY shit !

Now do nothing about the mortgage FOR NOW. This is the least of your worries in the immediate future because I expect he will not want to risk his credit rating and he will pay the mortgage regardless. Thus you have a roof and he isn't under it.

Next step. Quickly check your benefits entitlement.
www.entitledto.co.uk

You must be entitled to benefits, they are not related or means tested on any maintenance he pays and this will allow you to feed the children.

And go back to women's aid, get them to help you find a solicitor. If you don't care for the house anyway, then try to negotiate a complete financial break, house gets sold, you receive maintenance and pay your own way. Complete with the absolute fair split of the money of your marriage, somewhere between 60-70% of the assets at a rough estimate.

Keep posting and good luck