A support threat for those who have NC with siblings

[RustyPaperclip]

After a lovely message from another poster (yes that would be you Bods!) I would like to reach out to other posters who have a difficult relationship/NC with siblings. MN is incredibly supportive of all kind of relationships but I wasn't sure if a thread existed where we could all rant about our difficult relationships with our siblings. You know, those people we have known us all our lives, who should know us better than anyone, but instead are strangers/enemies. I know that I am struggling tonight

I'm nc with my brother. Ironically it was actually Him who made that decision when I tentatively suggested something he was about to do might actually be illegal.
He's done me a favour to be honest as it's probably not something I probably would have plucked up the courage to do as my Mum finds it very upsetting .
It's a relief to be honest but luckily for me I do still have some contact wth my sil and the children, which is what would really have hurt.

I'm the eldest of four. My three siblings have gone NC with me, for reasons known only to themselves but I suspect it's related to my relationship with my mum - they view me as GC. They have all gone NC with me as a trio on and off for over 20yrs. This latest episode has been five years. My children have no relationship with their cousins as they only ever spent a few months at a time in contact with them. My 3 siblings are so friendly with our extended family that myself, DH and children often don't receive invites to family events whereas my siblings do, emphasising the feeling of exclusion. I love and miss one of my sisters very deeply as we endured so much as children but counselling has helped me accept that I cannot change this situation and have started to properly grieve the loss of them from my life as a permanent event. I don't ever want them to have the opportunity to do this to us again, it's too painful and mind-fucking when they ignore me and refuse to at least tell me why they have ignore me. The extended family all feel very sorry for them and that really confuses me.

Rusty I don't know if it's worse with her being a twin. Had we still been in the same area, I think it would have been worse, being split by distance means I don't have to avoid her as such.
I contacted her eldest dd (who I watched being born), sent her some money for her birthday. The money came back with the letter.
My eldest dd and her middle dd were born 2 weeks apart, hers being the eldest. She took the name I had decided for my dd (we were still okay at that time).
My dd and her dd have been in contact over Instagram and wanted to meet up. I facilitated this as I don't want my dd to miss out because of me. My dd went off with her and her children, where the youngest said "your mum hates my mum". My poor dd (12 at time) didn't know what to say. She has never heard me bad mouth my sister and is not aware why we fell out.

That really sums my sister up, it is all about her.

I don't attend family events, the last one was a significant birthday. Her dh contacted my dh and asked if we'd come, as she wants to put it all behind her. It was a no from me. He then text and asked if just my dh and dd's would go. My dh was so disgusted by that suggestion that he didn't bother responding.

So, in her eyes, I suspect she thinks she has done everything to reconcile and has offered an olive branch.
She doesn't see that she needs to apologise for her initial insults of my parenting and dd but more so her letter.

I am such an idiot, in a moment of weakness I tried to ring them and they didn't answer. Of course they didn't, I am clearly the antichrist to them. I have spent my whole life looking up to them, admiring them, but they hate me and I dont know why. Growing up they they were everything to me and their disdain hurts me so much. Just venting right now and crying

Offers hand to hold.
It is hard. You mentioned being named executor up thread. Is someone you were close to recently deceased? I can imagine that would make feelings more sensitive.
I am sorry they didn't pick up your call and denied you a chance to say anything. But that may have also spared you hearing cutting remarks from them...so in a way it was good they didn't answer

I sometimes think of it (nc with family part/whole) as working without a net. One would generally believe family members would be there to support you. But sometimes, with reason or no reason, it doesn't work out that way.
Detaching from my sister was a difficult decision because she spent a lot of money on us/organized activities ect. It was a little materialistic of me to think about it- which would just be using her. I got over it somehow. (No amount of theater tickets was going to justify putting up with the emotional abuse.)

Anyway, as with school friends or other relationships, sometimes relationships run their course or the people are just not on the same page any more. I think that can happen with siblings too as they have their own families and careers and interests that shift siblings further and further down their list of priorities. Not your fault.

Sorry to go on and on without knowing the circumstances of your family dynamic. I may be well off base/too simplistic.

My ex husband (sorry I can't even call him DHXH) has cut his brother out of his life after his mother passing, to the point that he wouldn't even allow his brother to stay at their parents house with his father after coming home from abroad (don't want to disclose where but 8+ hour flight). I had to contact my X niece via Facebook to find a phone number for my kids to see their uncle and auntie (without their father knowing) my kids are both teens so I didn't push them into it, it was their decision. What I'm trying to say is sometimes people want to go NC, and I appreciate that. But sometimes family need to keep in contact. Sorry if this post is inappropriate, just trying to give another perspective and no offence to other posters

Reading this for support, glad I found it. Thanks to everyone for sharing.

NC with mother and sister for 1.5 years as mother sided with sister. Slowly becoming stronger but the betrayal still hurts. Can never trust them again and don't want to know them. Given up trying to figure out why people behave the way they do.
Coming to terms with it and getting on with life but I still think about it and it gets me down sometimes.

I think what we mourn is the relationship we hoped for. We have this societal vision of family, where everyone gets along, loves each other unconditionally, has each other's back and everything is perfect. The problem is that vision is usually not what is the reality for a lot of people.

Reading these threads has made me feel that I'm not alone and big family fall outs with long lasting consequences do happen. Thanks for the support.

I've had NC with DB for past 4 years now. He became an alcoholic 22 years ago, just before my DD passed away. Since then he became a continual drain on myself, DM and my DP. We tried so so many times to help him out and even had him home to live with us, in the end he stole, destroyed DM's house and frightened her so much that we had to have the Police to physically remove him. I found out after that he was telling everyone that I was the reason he had alcohol issues as I left him to look after DM!!!! Even though I was working full time and caring for DM every evening and weekends. DM sadly passed last year and a mutual friend advised him of her passing. He showed up at the funeral without showing any sadness or remorse, did not even send a card or flowers in memory of his DM. I'll never acknowledge him again, he is just pure evil and won't be changed. Even the family GP has advised to stay away from him as he is bad news.