A support threat for those who have NC with siblings

[RustyPaperclip]

After a lovely message from another poster (yes that would be you Bods!) I would like to reach out to other posters who have a difficult relationship/NC with siblings. MN is incredibly supportive of all kind of relationships but I wasn't sure if a thread existed where we could all rant about our difficult relationships with our siblings. You know, those people we have known us all our lives, who should know us better than anyone, but instead are strangers/enemies. I know that I am struggling tonight

Peri I can sympathise. My parents have done their best to treat us all the same, yet somehow my siblings think I get more than them. I don't and I also do a lot to help them when they do absolutely nothing unless it somehow benefits them

Thanks Rusty, I dread my parents going as their wills leave everything split equally between us, and I'm convinced my brothers will start claiming I've already had my share.

However it will mean less contact with my brothers, as they only ever contact me when a parent is unwell

I've just been made executor and I know that my siblings will hate it. I want to do everything according to our parents wishes but I suspect it will be challenged by some

JKJerome she sounds horrid. I admire you for no longer giving a shit, that is what I aim for

Sadly, I wasn't even really given a chance to have my say. I supported our parents and received vitriolic emails but kept quiet because it would upset mum and dad. However I feel that I was denied my chance and it's probably too late now anyway

I am NC with my identical twin sister and have been for 12 years.
At first, it was upsetting but now I give her no thought.
I don't live near her, so no chance of bumping into her and she knows to stay away if I am visiting my parent's.

After falling out about something really trivial, she sent me a letter saying to "stay away from her and her family", so I have . My parent's have attempted to reconcile us but did see a different side to it when I told them about the letter.
I actually went NC with my parent's for about 2 years when they sided with her. They made contact when they heard from another sister that I was pregnant.

Peanut sorry to ask this, and feel free to not answer, but do you think it is harder being NC with a twin than another sibling? I guess I'm just trying to understand sibling bonds or lack of them

Also, I just wanted to say a massive thank you to you all.

This is something I have been struggling with for a few years now and I've felt so alone. I guess I just needed somewhere to vent my feelings rather than message my siblings

Wow, I'm in the same position, peanut, though not identical and definitely not anything trivial.

When I left my abusive husband my family, particularly toxic twin, took him in like a long lost son/brother. They made it perfectly clear I was out and he was in. He was invited to all the family events and I wasn't.

As I said, toxic brood.

You can always count on Mumsnet OP!!

ime my twin cannot survive on this planet with me on it. So she has, from the year dot, tried her utmost to cancel me out at any and every opportunity.

I am nc with my sibling, it saddens me that we don't share a friendship, but we never have and doubt we ever will. Life is better generally and less complicated nc

Can I ask, if you go NC with a sibling, what happens to your relationship with their child/ren? Do you still send birthday, Christmas presents etc?

I went NC with my mum 8 years ago. She and my step dad (an alcoholic) used to abuse me physically and emotionally, but it was my mother interfering and making negative comments about my adult life finally made me cut off contact for good.
My two siblings went silent immediately after this too and we've had no contact since. I knew that would happen. Sib 1, the elder was horrible and would say things like 'I hope you don't tell any of our mutual friends (about the physical abuse) because it would be embarrassing for me. Sib 2 was younger and I was always kind to her, but seems that counted for nothing.

Their birthdays can go by now without my remembering them. It's a relief mostly, but there are times when it feels sad to have so little family and I don't know what to tell people who ask if I have sisters, I make it sound like I'm still in contact I think, without being explicit about that or going into detail. There's also the worry people will think it's my fault for being estranged from so many.

Rusty: I think what hurts the most is losing any contact with my nieces, I doubt they even remember me now.
Losing contact with my nephews and niece has been the worse thing about it all. I loved them so much and spent all my time with them before going NC and the sole reason I didn't do it sooner. Then I realised that she had poisoned them against me and they hate me now. That fucking broke me and sent me into therapy. I wish I believed in karma, that one day the truth would out and we would be reunited but she's so toxic that I believe that day will never come.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through Rusty, and everyone else on this thread. I've wanted to start a similar thread for as long as I have been on MN but didn't because it is very identifying and painful. But thank you, I finally feel I have a safe space where I realise that I am not alone.
and to all of us.

I have been NC with my dB for nearly 4 years.. we were unbelievably close and a great support for each other through difficult times.

Problem arose when he met his partner and she didn't like our relationship. He also has NC with my mum for the Same reasons.
I send his children a birthday card from my children.
He sometimes picks my children up possibly twice a year to spend some time with them.
He lives 5 mins from me and it is heartbreaking.

I'm place marking so I get email reminders about this thread, so I can come back to it tomorrow when I'm on a proper keyboard.

I'm very low contact with my sibling. Last saw her three years ago, spoken to her a handful of times since (when I'm at our mother's house and I get forced to speak to her on the phone). She's a narc and a bully who has never forgiven me for being born. I walked past her in the street about four years ago and had a panic attack (she didn't notice me, thank goodness, but I still freaked out).

Thank you GinBunny i have been struggling for too long and wanted to reach out to other people who might be feeling the same. It's tough to be anonymous though. I can't help but wonder if my siblings might see this, yet at the same time I kinda want them to know how much they have hurt me

(I am raspberryberet from earlier. I NC because the spelling error bugged me)
My BIL and his wife aren't as bad as some of this lot, but bad enough. They have cut us out of their lives, despite living only two suburbs away (the only members of my husband's family in this country). "I can't do Christmas any more," he says, "I have a family now". His horrible wife just ignores us - we take lunch when their first baby is born and she sits upstairs until some of their friends arrive, whereupon she skips down the stairs and they all sit and chat in a group and we (me, husband, two sons) are left sitting in the corner. No invite to daughter's first birthday or anything subsequent, no invite to joint christening of both girls. I was deleted off Facebook years ago, so that's been made pretty clear.
They did a poem asking for money as gifts for their wedding - to help pay their mortgage. We gave them the equivalent value in a voucher to a hardware chain - she rang up the next day asking for directions to the shop, but not a word of thanks.
They no longer buy our kids gifts (or we theirs), but when they did, ours would get the cheapest, nasty plastic shite possible. Then they'd sit at ours and tell us about all the time and money they spent on her nephew, who is the same age as our youngest. Then there was the time we organised to visit them on my son's 6th birthday, only to find they'd gone out when we got there.
I have to ask friends and neighbours to be emergency school contacts for my kids. Neither of these two would even know which school my boys go to. And couldn't care less.
There's more, although I suppose it's not as bad as plenty on here. We feel thoroughly isolated, because the rest of the extended family is treated so differently (phone calls, attention, good times, great gifts etc) and doesn't understand what has gone on. I tell myself the behaviour and choices reflect more on them than on us, and we're better off without such nasty, entitled people in our lives. But I do wish it was at least a bit different.

I don't have contact with my nephews, my children miss their cousins and I have reached out several times to maintain a relationship amongst the children, sadly I believe the nephews have been poisoned against me, as they wont come unless mum is invited, as its rude to exclude someone but the nephew is nearly 10. Plays at friends houses / enjoys sleepovers etc but because I won't invite the whole family, I am being unkind. I won't invite my sister over, she is rude, ungrateful and extremely judgemental about me and she and now she criticises my kids☹️

cover my sister is the same, lovely to everyone, can't do enough for others and the rest of the family, appear to think it's me. I once showed them messages I had received, they were stunned. Sadly, I know that she talks a really good game, so she manipulates and puts across her side, which leaves the family caught in the middle and confused. I am relying on karma

I am not nc, but then I am. I have two younger brothers, both still living with my parents at 32 and 33. My Mum calls several times a day, she talks about my brothers. They send money and a card for my children at birthdays and Christmas. My two children love them to bits, my husband takes them to my Mum's and they play doting Uncle's. I see them once a year, at Christmas, they drive out together at lunch time on Christmas Day and leave again as soon as we have finished our Christmas meal.

My eldest brother can't handle seeing me disabled, I have been wheelchair bound for going on five years and he can't cope so he avoids having to see me. This has been incredibly hurtful as we were so close beforehand, he would come out and stay to help me when my children were tiny. My husband used to work away and my brother came out and took care of all night feeds and nappy changes during the night just after my dd was born, until my dh returned. He is a fantastic Uncle and adores my children, so I would never go nc.

My youngest brother and I were very close throughout childhood, however he was always jealous of me especially my relationship with my Mum. He is a great guy, has a great personality and larger than life. He is great with my children and they adore him. He is just wrapped upon his own life.

My husband only has one sibling his younger brother, unfortunately they are nc as we chose to go nc with narcissist in-laws. Bil took in-laws side and other than being Facebook friends they haven't spoke in years.

I feel incredibly sad that our children see such poor examples of sibling relationships. It hurts that my brothers don't want to see me, they are so stressed and awkward when they visit and obviously couldn't leave fast enough. I think that my brothers feel they don't need to speak to me because my Mum updates them on what is happening every day. But I won't hide that it hurts. I have spoken to my parents about it and my Mum makes excuses, my Dad gets angry at them and I get the impression it is something that he tries to discuss with my brothers regularly but to no avail. I love my brothers and miss the closeness we had when we were younger.....but I have come to the stage where I have accepted that my brothers don't want a relationship with me. I have told my parents that I don't want them to feel forced into coming to our house for Christmas. Only time will tell whether they will choose to come....

Thanks knaffedoff, I'm counting on the karma bus too, driving at great speed with any luck . My SIL is too clever at this to have ever messaged me (or called me, in 10 years) but she's such a controlling madam I'm sure her true colours will come out eventually. But the BIL is an arsehat too, so probably not much to gain.