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Original poster

SIL boozing whilst babysitting [angry]

89 replies

joanjude · 29/01/2007 12:43

First time post - but so angry need another point of view! SIL babysat on Saturday only second time ever - she is single no kids - DS now 9 months old. We were staying at MILs who is disabled. She arrived by taxi stating that she didn't like driving at night which was kind of unusual but took her at face value.

Came back slightly earlier than anticipated so I could drive them home and found SIL drinking her usual red wine (nothing under 13% proof will do!). My face dropped but I kept my cool - DH was upset and disappointed but neither of us said anything at the time - no point when both DH and SIL been drinking. I drove SIL home and made small talk en route - she had clearly been drinking but she made no reference.

The first time she babysat we asked her not to drink whcih she agreed to but made some sarcastic comment. In the morning DH made comment to MIL who defended SIL saying it was only 1 glass (which I would hotly dispute) and then turned on the tears which made DH back down.

So there it is left - DH will do anything to avoid challenging MIL and SIL who are both very emotionally manipulative of him. I feel outraged - OK DS is fine but that isn't the point - I'm not drinking so why would I think it was ok to leave him with someone who was.

I'd be happy never to leave DS with them again but this means that DH doesn't get to see his friends in hometown. I'm afraid this can't be left and DH can't stick his head in the sand but how far do I go in forcing the issue with him!

I have in law issues - in the sense that they have absolutley no regard for me - I could be invisible - but they outwardly appear to dote on DS.

Nightmare help!!

OP posts:

wartywarthog · 29/01/2007 13:17

nailpolish - yes i would ask someone to babysit if they couldn't drive. my comment was in response to the sil who took a taxi knowing she'd be too drunk to drive. that, in my opinion, isn't acceptable.

there's a difference between drinking on a special occasion - friends coming round for example - than being in a position of responsibility. one glass of wine is ok, several is not. i do drink occasionally, but i certainly wouldn't drink if i was baby sitting someone else's kids.

batters · 29/01/2007 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puddle · 29/01/2007 13:20

I don't drive if I've had just one glass of wine though warty. You could argue that the SIL was being v responsible getting a taxi.

There's nothing in the OP to indicate how many glasses the SIL had had.

fortyplus · 29/01/2007 13:22

I reckon that if you're babysitting for free when you haven't got kids of your own then as long as you're not too drunk to drag yourself to the phone, dial 999 and slur 'ambulunsh pleesh' then no one should criticise!

DarrellRivers · 29/01/2007 13:26

I think if you are in the position of responsibility for other people's children, you should be able to cope with whatever emergency cropped up and I think that 1 glass of wine might be acceptable but no more.
I'd think of it like driving and that you should drink as much as would allow you to be within the limit to drive safely so I'd be unhappy if babysitters(ie paid) were drinking around 1/2 bottle of wine.
Lines of engagement slightly cloudier with friends and relatives, but to be happier i'd rather pay a babysitter, and then have then play by my rules.

nailpolish · 29/01/2007 13:27

warty, you dont have to be "too drunk to drive", you cant have more than one glass (if that) to be over the limit to drive legally, but that doesnt mean you are drunk

WideWebWitch · 29/01/2007 13:28

So joanjude, tell us more.
I'm with the 'a few glasses of wine is fine' crowd, the OP sounds like an over reaction to me.

Longlegs1972 · 29/01/2007 13:29

PMSL at Fortyplus

BlueDaisy · 29/01/2007 13:31

It all depends as others have said about how much wine was drunk. but also, some people can drink a bottle of wine and still be in control, while others get pissed on a couple of glasses.

Tell us more and then we can answer your problem.

OrmIrian · 29/01/2007 13:35

Sorry but agree with most of the other posters. Unless she was seriously affected by the alcohol - and incapable of looking after a small baby- I don't think you have any reason to complain. Just because she wasn't OK to drive doesn't mean she was not fit to look after a baby.

If she was I must be unfit to look after my three several times a week.
.

chenin · 29/01/2007 13:52

I have to say, I think you are lucky she is babysitting for you for a second time after her asking her not to drink on the first time. Has she a drink problem. are you saying?

If she chatted with you on the way home, she must have been compis mentis.

I'm sure you don't pay her for babysitting duties so I do think you are lucky to have family to babysit for you.

fortyplus · 29/01/2007 14:02

So where is joanjude?

zippitippitoes · 29/01/2007 14:04

also mil was there too so netween the two of them I'm sure they were more than capable

SpookyMadMummy · 29/01/2007 14:20

My sis babysat my dd's on saturday after my mum couldn't cos of an emergency admission to hospital. I offered her a bottle of wine in payment as well as whatever else she wanted.
She didn't get drunk
She wasn't incapable.
I think most adults are sensible enough to realise the responsibility when looking after other dc's.

lazyemma · 29/01/2007 14:26

I think it'd be interesting to see how different most of your reactions would be if joanjude's SIL had smoked a joint when babysitting: I'm sure there'd be a lot more outrage, even though there wouldn't be any difference in her SIL's ability to cope with an emergency.

My point is that we all have different opinions about what is and isn't acceptable when looking after other people's children. The important thing is to respect the parent's views in these situations - joanjude had asked her not to drink and she ignored this request.

fortyplus · 29/01/2007 14:29

Smoking is an entirely different issue - that would be putting her child's health at risk. I would never allow anyone to smoke in my house, though plenty have got outrageously pissed here on numerous occasions

Pruni · 29/01/2007 14:29

Message withdrawn

BlueDaisy · 29/01/2007 14:34

The title says 'boozing' which I would imagine equals drinking quite heavily? Where is the OP this is annoying me!!!!!!!!!!

jalopy · 29/01/2007 14:35

The OP is busy thinking up another thread.

wartywarthog · 29/01/2007 14:41

splitting hairs, np

OrmIrian · 29/01/2007 14:53

Ah, but BlueDaisy, the use of the word 'boozing' might only imply the OPs very strict attitude to alcohol.A judgemental use of the word rather than a strictly accurate one. My interpretation of the word would be that someone was in for a long session and didn't intend to stop until they were bladdered. The OP might mean someone having more than 1 glass of wine.

This might be a wind-up of course but who cares.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 29/01/2007 15:01

I don't drink. But there's no moral reason behind that - I simply don't like the taste and don't feel the need. However I would have no issue with letting someone have a glass of wine if they came round to babysit. And I also wouldn't be able to drive in the event of an emergency as I don't have a car and no-one will let me have a licence! but I could certainly ring for a cab/ambulance if required.

But this has obviously really gotten the op's goat IMO you need to relax and build a few bridges .

NotQuiteCockney · 29/01/2007 15:14

It might be a wind-up ... but I suspect the OP is a bit shocked that very few people agree with her, and has perhaps fled?

I suspect there's more going on here than meets the eye. Does the SIL have a drinking problem? She says her ILs have no regard for her, which maybe is the real issue? Agreeing to not drink, and then drinking, isn't exactly polite.

Original poster

joanjude · 29/01/2007 15:26

Sorry posted earlier don't know what happened to it! Obviously touched a nerve - I'm not campaigning for the temprance movement - used the word boozing to be a bit provocative

My issue is intent - she could of said no she wanted a drink - she is very forthright - the choice would of been mine then - stay in or live with it - but she wants to babysit - I'd rather pay someone and set the parmeters!

She is a serious binge drinker and she never stops until she's staggering - even on school nigh - that is why I didn't want her to drink.

BTW I'm not drinking at present not saying never will but not whilst DS is a baby - got plenty of friends who do - my choice

OP posts:

scatterbrain · 29/01/2007 15:26

I don't think they asked the SIL NOT to drink this time though - that was last time she babysat ! Maybe SIL didn't realise it was to be permanent rule ?

But yes I agree that OP has fled - possibly under a bridge !

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