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Original poster

INLAWS won't have dds to SLEEP OVER...

78 replies

noonar · 28/01/2007 20:28

my inlaws are fit, local, retired, have a big house and love our dds. they will not however, have them to stay over night.
they said they would, 18mo ago, for my birthday, but then changed their minds.

anyawy, we have a black tie 'do' to go to with dh's work. they will babysit till 2am but wont let the girls- 4y 10m and 2.5- stay over. they've always said taht dd2 is too young, and they're worried she wont settle.

now MY mum has said she'll have them,for the first time ever(she's just moved, so has more room) and she's 5 yrs older than dh's mum, and she's on her own! dh's response? 'what'll i tell my parents??' WTF!

my point is, dyou think it's a bit odd not to want you GC over for the night, or should i just accept it?

OP posts:
hoxtonchick · 28/01/2007 20:30

my ds has stayed over at both sets of grandparents once. he's 5 next week. tbh, i was quite surprised that they offered & he wanted to go. but i was really crap at sleepovers as a child... dd is 19 months & never has (although i have only just stopped breastfeeding her so it hasn't arisen).

hana · 28/01/2007 20:31

well yes bit odd but think you'll just have to accept it.
would you really want your dds to stay with them knowing they didnt really want to?

could they not sleep at your place in spare room or your room as alternative?

Original poster
noonar · 28/01/2007 20:32

hoxton chick, i'd just like , once a yr, maybe on my bday or anniversary, to have a night with dh in a nice hotel.

OP posts:
Miaou · 28/01/2007 20:33

No, I don't think it's odd. There is no GP contract saying they have to have them overnight

Of course it would be lovely if they would have them, but tbh they are quite young I think their concern about them settling is not an unreasonable one. That they are happy to babysit until 2am is fantastic! At least they are prepared to compromise.

I think your dh's response is a bit of a red herring really - I doubt from what you have said that his parents would be bothered by that.

I am sure as your children get older they will be happier about having them to stay. It sounds like they have a good relationship and are very happy to help out.

MordecaiAliVanAllenOShea · 28/01/2007 20:34

Accept it and be grateful that your dds have fit, healthy grandparents around to love them. It is their time of life to do what they want with. They have raised their kids.

beckybrastraps · 28/01/2007 20:34

My in-laws are a bit scared of my dd (2.11) and although they love to have ds, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be comfortable with both of them.

My mum loves having them and has done so since both were small.

Not everyone feels comfortable with it.

Cappuccino · 28/01/2007 20:34

my inlaws never have

it's just an unspoken thing that they don't

it pisses me off a bit, but it's just the way they are; I love them but I do get a bit peeved

Original poster
noonar · 28/01/2007 20:34

tbh, hana, i think that my mil, despite her harsh exterior is quite underconfident with babies. i accepted and respected this while dd2 was little, but she'll be 3 in the summer. i just hoped she's want to give us a break once in a while.

OP posts:
emkana · 28/01/2007 20:34

I agree 100 % with what Miaou said.

Fireflyfairy2 · 28/01/2007 20:34

Do you have a spare room they could stay in?

FWIW my mum never wanted the grandkids to stay over either, she liked to lay to about 10am at weekends. Now she is older though, she loves having them to stay, but still only the elder children.

themoon66 · 28/01/2007 20:35

Well... I would let your mum have them, seeing as she has offered to make it an overnighter. I would tell in-laws that you have taken the better offer because you don't want to have to pick small chidren up from them at 2am!

Anyway... what's the difference between 2am and all night?

elliott · 28/01/2007 20:35

Well, it sounsd like you've got an offer from your mum so there's your answer to the once a year night in a hotel...
I think they are probably a bit nervous and once your youngest is older they will be happier to do it. Or they might be 'inspired' by your mum's example and decide its possible after all!

Original poster
noonar · 28/01/2007 20:47

elliott, taht's what i'm secretly hoping for!

yes, i do have another offer, but its not been an option before my mum moved.

miaou et al, i do see your point of view,totally. it's just frustrating that my mil is really quite bolshy on a day to day basis- and we all put up with her bolshiness. but when the chips are down it's 'oh no, i couldnt do that'. i do respect her honesty, in a way, but know that sh'ed LOVE to have them to stay really, if only she'd give it a try and see that she's totally up to the job.

maybe dd2 might take an hour to settle, but parents of young chn need a break. i've had my sil's 2 AND my 2 overnight so that she could get some sleep. i guess that i just hoped they'd like to give us a break too.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 28/01/2007 20:48

We have SIX grandparents and none of them will even babysit for an HOUR

One Granny has taken the 4 year old for the night, but I WAS in labour with Number 2 - that's the nearest I've got to a night alone with DH in five years!

moan moan moan

But basically I agree with MordecaiAliVanAllenOShea.

Cappuccino · 28/01/2007 20:50

I'd say that the difference between 2am and all night is that they fear that the kids won't sleep at all

and if they are still awake at 2am you will come and take them away

Original poster
noonar · 28/01/2007 20:51

come on morningpaper, i have not have a night away from dd2 EVER. she is 2.5. am i not entitled to say that i wish the people close to me would allow us that?

OP posts:
morningpaper · 28/01/2007 20:53

I don't know Noonar, I just wish we had supportive relatives like you have, it's hard to imagine wanting more than that, IYKWIM?

Original poster
noonar · 28/01/2007 20:54

sorry morning paper, were you saying that YOU were moaning , or ME? sorry to take a defensive tone.

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 28/01/2007 20:54

I think morningpaper is right

some people don't get nights off

we decided to have the kids, when it comes down to it

morningpaper · 28/01/2007 20:55

oh I meant I was moaning, not you

Original poster
noonar · 28/01/2007 20:57

yeah, capp, that's true, but my friends offer to have my girls/ and i theirs. i just feel sad that the inlaws have forgotten how hard it is to be a parent, night after night after night.....and dont offer, even when i've had spells of depression.

OP posts:
Skyler · 28/01/2007 20:57

I am afraid I agree with Miaou and Emkana. My dd's are younger (nearly 4 and 19mths) but I don't expect anyone to have them overnight, in fact I feel uncomfortable asking people to have them during the day and they are always asleep if I have babysitters. Perhaps that is my problem though.

Spidermama · 28/01/2007 20:57

My mum wouldn't even babysit for me and dh when she comes round. Never. But then she's extremely selfish and that's a whole 'nother thread.

They can only do what they feel comfortable with but if I were you I'd quite enjoy the call where you say to them, 'Thanks anyway, but my mum - who's older than you and on her own - has stepped into the breach.'

Original poster
noonar · 28/01/2007 21:00

spidermama, i will be looking forward to that call!

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 28/01/2007 21:01

noonar my dd is disabled; my in-laws once took both my kids out for a walk in the double buggy I had borrowed for a friend

it was heavy and they came back with fil going 'that's ridiculous, I'm not taking that out again'

that was the only way I had of leaving the house

my mother doesn't take them overnight because I don't ask her to cos if it wasn't for her I probably wouldn't be able to go to work

my in-laws have the attitude that they have had their kids. We go over there and they treat us really nicely, make us lovely meals with wine, they get the kids up for their breakfast, but they don't babysit, they don't take them overnight. it's just the way they are.