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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

dp said we're over.

85 replies

Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 14:16

dp said we're over but can't gather up myself to actually leave the house. I'm standing outside the front door but my legs won't walk to leave with my son.

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helenatroy · 04/08/2016 15:29

He's a dick. Leave him or at least let the arsehole see how irrational he is.

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Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 15:30

he never wakes up in the night and if he does he goes back to sleep. I ask him to hold his son the minute he's kicking he passes him back to me.

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Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 15:30

I've tried to argue my side but he keeps shutting me down

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helenatroy · 04/08/2016 15:31

I would discuss nothing more with him at the moment.

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Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 15:31

I went through/still am suffering pnd and he went its a load of rubbish and I should be able to control my own emotions

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Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 15:33

I'm just sitting in our room wondering why the fuck I'm crying about this all

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toadgirl · 04/08/2016 15:35

I'm just sitting in our room wondering why the fuck I'm crying about this all

Because you have PND, you're exhausted and you're being treated like shit by a bully.

I'm so sorry, OP, but things will get better for you no matter how bad they seem right now.

Flowers

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Lweji · 04/08/2016 15:37

Where will you go?

If you're on maternity leave, do you work?

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ImOnMyTumbleTap · 04/08/2016 15:38

I can only say what others have said. Please do what's best for you and your DS and get somewhere safe. He is abusive and manipulative and you both deserve so much better! Flowers

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Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 15:43

Yeah I work but I'd probably quit if I left and go stop at family till I get something sorted.

my HV said I don't need help with my pnd but I feel like I do. I wish I could talk to someone who is third party where it's not biased

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CookieWookieWoo · 04/08/2016 15:44

Be brave and get away from him. You are at a low ebb and he's making you feel worthless. No one has the right to treat their partner like a servant. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Good luck & stay safe 🍀

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adora1 · 04/08/2016 15:45

If you have a mum or a really good friend please go to them now, he's abusing you OP, he's a bully and a coward.

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Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 15:47

he's completely a different person who I thought he would be when we had our son.

he moaned that I wasn't released on the time I was meant to. he moaned that he could get sleep. he moaned that I should have put my son, not our son, in a sleep routine by he was 3 months old. he does ny change his nappy. when we was out on Sunday he had finished his dinner before I even had mine and I went your son needs his nappy changing and he went OK well you're eating.

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SandyY2K · 04/08/2016 15:48

He's mad.
He's controlling.
He's inconsiderate


You need to LTB.

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Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 15:49

I really need to be brave but I can't. my ex was like this too. nice in front of everyone but when we was alone he was nasty. he forced himself on me he hit me he belittled me and I thought u had escaped it all obviously I haven't and found someone just as bad.

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helenatroy · 04/08/2016 15:55

These ladies are right. Go if there is somewhere you can go where you are safe and welcome. The more things he says and the more you engage with him the more he gets in your head. That is the modus operandi of the bully. Take your baby and go and don't waste another word on him while he's in this mood, lest you add fuel to his self made fire. Keep radio silence and it won't be long before he's crawling back.

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SandyY2K · 04/08/2016 16:06

He's not a good man.
He's a chauvanistic abuser and no woman should be with a man like him.

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glenthebattleostrich · 04/08/2016 16:10

I'd be willing to bet that your PND would hugely improve if you leave.

OP, I'd you can't leave for yourself think about the kind of person you want your son to be. Is this the example you want to set to your son of how relationships should be?

Walk away, do the freedom course, speak to womans aid and go to the doctor for help / counselling.

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Rozdeek · 04/08/2016 16:13

Flowers

You're being abused sweetheart.

Can you phone women's aid for advice?

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Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 21:20

sorry for such a late reply. I waited for the repair man and while he was here I got mine and my sons bag packed as I know he couldn't have ago at me while there was company. just as he was leaving I went too. my family live 10 miles away (not far but it is when you're walking it) I got about 5 miles and he wouldn't stop calling me so like an idiot I answered. he asked where I was and that he wanted to talk to me. he said he was sorry he over reacted and he wants to make this work. I told him well first step is to let me stay at my mums house till I'm ready to come back and if he kicks off about it he's lost his chance. so here I am in bed at my mums with a hot chocolate.

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toadgirl · 04/08/2016 21:26

Thanks for checking in, OP!

Glad you were strong and didn't go back today. You've taken the first step of making a stand and doing what's best for YOU for a change. Be proud of that fact. It's something to build on.

Glad you got to your mum's and are safe in bed with a hot choc Smile

Try and get some sleep (if you can) and face tomorrow in the morning.

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Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 21:48

I've blocked him on everything he can contact me on and so my mum. the fact that it's all happening again is questioning if it's me or the men I pick.

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Lweji · 04/08/2016 21:55

Glad you're out and safe.
And good on you for blocking him.
Going back would be a mistake. You shouldn't be treated like that and you can't live like that, dependent on his moods.

You may not be familiar with red flags, or you're just too nice and the twats take advantage.
Look at the Freedom Programme by Women's Aid.

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SandyY2K · 04/08/2016 22:23

You walked 10 miles? With a baby/pushchair and a bag. Poor dear.

Do you have access to money?

I don't know if you are considering getting back with him. I don't think you should but if you do make it be on your terms.

Make a list of what you want him to do and not to do. Let him read it and digest it. If he cannot abide to those things, then you go your seperate ways.

Let your list include him actually taking part in looking after his son as well.

I bet he'll promise to do whatever you say. If he does and he messes up, no more chances.

But I really don't think you should go back, because he's not been a nice man to put it mildly.

Take care of yourself and your little one.

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Feelingsolow12345 · 04/08/2016 22:33

I called my nan in the end to pick us up. and I told him I'll think about us but if I do go back it's on my terms and he slips out of place that's it. but I'm having space at the moment and I don't want him bombarding me with this fake love where he'll buy me gifts take me out as I'm not standing for that no more.

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