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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP will not take time off work and I am sick...

100 replies

hadenoughofit37 · 03/08/2016 18:16

He's going away tomorrow on business trip!. hospital calls today to confirm severe pneumonia on my X-ray a few days ago - said I should rest let antibiotics work. School hols, swimming run every day. toddler running about. Stressed.

Is it too much to expect him to take time off to take care of children. No family to rely on. I am so angry with him for being selfish, reason I have pneumonia is that I have not got over previous illnesses due to no time off.

OP posts:

andintothefire · 03/08/2016 19:59

OP - I have just read your previous post too. I am also sorry if I was not as sympathetic as I would have been had I known the full backstory. I suspect you are feeling very ill and tired and that is why your posts on this thread have not been as full as they would otherwise have been.

I really hope you get better soon and that you can find some support in real life. It sounds as though you need it. It also sounds as though your financial situation is not quite as rosy as this thread might have implied so getting childcare is actually a bigger deal than I assumed.

Sorry again and please look after yourself.

GoldenOrb · 03/08/2016 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 03/08/2016 20:07

I hope you can get some emergency childcare.

I cannot believe your H has done this.

I was taken into hospital with a mystery illness 4 years ago, and dh shouted down the phone at me because his work put pressure on him to provide 'timescales' for my illness, as they needed to know if it was terminal or not so they could decide what kind of leave he could have .

I've never forgiven him, despite his apologies. And I was a sahm with no income, so that job supported our family. He could get another job, but if he also felt he could get another wife as easily, there would have been no hope for us.

Tell him not to come back if he leaves. He's failed to be a husband and father when you needed him most, never give him the chance to do this to you and your children again.

Original poster

hadenoughofit37 · 03/08/2016 20:09

The "business trip" is now I find out a 2 day course to improve himself at a task at work!

OP posts:

EarthboundMisfit · 03/08/2016 20:09

Sorry x post

Original poster

hadenoughofit37 · 03/08/2016 20:10

Oh there is also No risk of being sacked his company never gets rid of anyone and he has worked there for 10 years,

OP posts:

OnionKnight · 03/08/2016 20:12

greathat · 03/08/2016 20:12

I was hospitalised with pneumonia once. When I came out I couldn't do anything. Not even stand up long enough to make a drink. You will really need some support with the kids

Dutchcourage · 03/08/2016 20:13

hadenough when your better get rid of him

ImperialBlether · 03/08/2016 20:14

I wish someone would run courses on how people could be better partners. There are so many threads on MN where that course is needed urgently.

I hope you feel better soon, OP.

Original poster

hadenoughofit37 · 03/08/2016 20:15

Thanks Dutchcourage - I will try, he said he will not leave. I know i will have a real fight on my hands to stay in the house were not married. Been with him 19 years.

OP posts:

LewisAndClark · 03/08/2016 20:23

I've just read your other thread. He's violent to you.

Once you're better, just get him out of your house. He's been violent so you can ask the police to remove him.

Pearlman · 03/08/2016 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Essexgirl94 · 03/08/2016 21:08

I am quite young and I I though I could get through pneumonia just taking it easy and going ability day to day life. It made me really ill! You need to completely rest and looking after children is not good! I honest to god nearly died because I didn't rest.
If your having probs with DH I suggest that you take this time to analysis him and leave. He clearly doesn't care for you or his children. If you are hospitalised social service will get involved and who know where that will end.

Albadross · 03/08/2016 23:15

I've recently had s similar situation where I was completely unable to function for 4 weeks and I'm still recovering now. Not only did DH not give a shit about my health, but he also blamed me when my doctor wanted to raise safeguarding concern to SS after I collapsed. I was so afraid they would remove DS I didn't go into hospital when I should've and now I'm really paying the price. Your DCs need you well so please don't relinquish your health for the sake of any job

Lemonlady22 · 03/08/2016 23:53

you both sound as bad as each other tbh.....if you are that ill why you on here asking complete strangers for advice....your marriage sounds like'a competition'.....one that no ones going to win!

kittybiscuits · 04/08/2016 09:29

Does your OH post on Mumsnet ^ OP? You know what you have to do. LTB.

NoDramaForTheLlama · 04/08/2016 09:36

Yanbu. He should absolutely take time off. I had pneumonia earlier this year and was admitted into hospital as I didn't manage to rest at home... Then as soon as I was discharged it was back to normal... DH never took a day off to help. Now three months later I'm back in hospital with illness that's related to not recovering fully, I've been here a week with no sign of coming home... DH has no choice now but to take time off.. Possibly he's had to take longer off than if he did the first time I was ill.

Hulababy · 04/08/2016 09:38

I was hospitalised with pneumonia after being ill at home for almost a week, even with bed rest.

The first thing is - no swimming runs. To be honest I physically couldn't have. I couldn't even make a cup of tea without sitting down on the floor exhausted. The children will cope without going.

Then get help. Either you tell dh he MUST sort out childcare or if he is so bad he won't then you need to organise it. Do you have family or friends to call?

If you end up in hospital he will have no choice to sort it and that is a real possibility.

Hulababy · 04/08/2016 09:41

Chip monkey - what an awful place to work where you cannot have any time away to care for a seriously poorly person. Dh also works in a field where it can be harder to just take time off for this kind of thing but he still managed to when I was ill with pneumonia and on my way to and then in hospital. And the day I came out too. He also now berated himself for not taking some time out before I had to go in - and I didn't have a child to care for or anything as it was term time and had friends to help.

HelenaDove · 04/08/2016 14:30

Lemon there is a backstory here as has already been established upthread.

Hope you feel better soon OP Hes a lazy abusive knob.

HelenaDove · 04/08/2016 14:32

NoDrama...................well hes had to learn the hard way by the sounds of it.

SandyY2K · 04/08/2016 15:02

There's a perception among some people that if you aren't hospitalised, you aren't that bad.

Regardless - as PP have said he's violent, you should have left him already. There's no excuse for violence.

SalemsLott · 04/08/2016 15:13

Seriously, LTB

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/08/2016 15:21

I've had pneumonia twice and both times it took ages to get over, at least six weeks. I was lucky that the first time was before DC and the second time we had an au pair so H and the au pair were able to manage the DC between them. Please use the time that your relative is helping you to try and sort out some help for yourself once your relative has gone.

TBH I wouldn't worry too much about planning a split until you're feeling better, just getting in and out of the shower was mentally exhausting for me and I would have made terrible decisions if I had made such a major life-change when I was so ill.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

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