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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP will not take time off work and I am sick...

100 replies

hadenoughofit37 · 03/08/2016 18:16

He's going away tomorrow on business trip!. hospital calls today to confirm severe pneumonia on my X-ray a few days ago - said I should rest let antibiotics work. School hols, swimming run every day. toddler running about. Stressed.

Is it too much to expect him to take time off to take care of children. No family to rely on. I am so angry with him for being selfish, reason I have pneumonia is that I have not got over previous illnesses due to no time off.

OP posts:

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 03/08/2016 18:47

"Severe pneumonia"?

Yes, he should be telling work that he needs emergency leave. No questions. You shouldn't even have to ask him let alone demand it!

Original poster

hadenoughofit37 · 03/08/2016 18:51

He's just told me he is not prepared to take time off what a bastard!

OP posts:

mouldycheesefan · 03/08/2016 18:52

That's terrible. Hire an emergency nanny, you have no other option. I have had to do that before, not because dh wouldn't take time off but he ran out of time off he could take and I had an injury.

lilybetsy · 03/08/2016 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thattimeofyearagain · 03/08/2016 18:55

If it were me Id be telling him not to bother coming back. Selfish prick

leccybill · 03/08/2016 19:01

What is a 'passive income'? How do you earn more than him as a SAHM and him a senior manager?
And 'I don't care about his job' is a bit strange.

Other than that, sympathies. Pneumonia is a serious illness. You need time to rest and recover.

antiqueroadhoe · 03/08/2016 19:01

Emergency nanny. Ocado. Netflix. Plenty of tea. Take care.

happypoobum · 03/08/2016 19:01

What would he do if you got admitted to hospital? Or took yourself quietly off to a hotel so you could actually recover?

Does he have family he could ask? Would he actually go and leave the kids with SS?

MammouthTask · 03/08/2016 19:03

In that case, I would tell him that you are too ill to look after the DC and need to go away for a week. Leave him with the DC, tell him to sort childcare out as you can't possibly do that either.
He has no f** idea and no respect for you whatsoever.

happypoobum · 03/08/2016 19:04

I read "I don't care about his job" as a plea for help. OP is clearly extremely unwell, stressed and with no support.

He sounds very selfish. Once you are strong again OP you need to have a serious chat with him about things.

AbsolutelyIDo · 03/08/2016 19:04

Can you employ a temporary nanny or emergency childcare of some sort?

MammouthTask · 03/08/2016 19:05

And if you go down the emergency nanny bit, please do ensure HE is the one doing it.
At you are ill, Serioulsy ill and he is leaving it all to you as it was none of his problem...

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/08/2016 19:05

Also saying get and emergency nanny. You can afford it by the sounds of it - luckily. And I'd consider if this is a deal breaker. If it is, he can go and live closer to his work or camp in the office if he loves it so much.

MadisonMontgomery · 03/08/2016 19:06

Realistically, what would he do if you were hospitalised? I think you need to proceed as if you were, as if you don't get the respite you need to recover there is a very real chance that this is what will happen. Are there any family members who could stay with you to provide care to you and the children? If not then I think it is non-negotiable that he needs to cancel his trip.

TheNaze73 · 03/08/2016 19:11

My previous job was so highly stressful, with meetings booked down to the quarter hour, so I could see his side of this, if it was a cold or sore throat...
However, it's pneumonia FFS.
He's being a wankcannon

Hissy · 03/08/2016 19:12

Jesus Christ. Being ill with kids is horrendous.

Being ill on your own with kids is about the worst thing ever

I'd not be able to forgive any supposed partner for this kind of desertion.

I think I would give serious thought to telling him to make the trip/commute permanent.

RandomMess · 03/08/2016 19:14

It's pneumonia!!!!

I guess it's time to serve the divorce papers, with the maintenance he'll have to pay you could probably afford a nanny or au pair!

Finola1step · 03/08/2016 19:15

You have my full sympathy had. I had pneumonia 2 5 years ago and it was by far the sickest I have ever been. I could barely walk up the stairs and it hurt to have my then 3 year old DD sit on my lap.

It took 10 days bed rest, 4 weeks on antibiotics and a phased return to work to recover. That said, it took about 4 months to get back to full fitness.

Do not underestimate pneumonia. I think in your situation, I would be telling the GP what your home situation is like. That your dh is refusing to take over the childcare responsibilities so that you can recuperate. It may be that you meet the threshold for a hospital admittance. I found out later that I wasn't admitted as I had care at home and there was a bed crisis in my local hospital due to a winter vomiting bug.

SandyY2K · 03/08/2016 19:15

At least you are financially able to support yourself with your passive income.

You can fast forward your plans to leave the marriage. It doesn't sound like a great one TBH.

SirNiallDementia · 03/08/2016 19:16

HR person here - legally your DP has the right to take a reasonable amount of (unpaid) time off for dependants - usually a day or 2.

Most employers have some sort of policy explaining this, some even offer paid time off.

He is being a knob. You have pneumonia not a cold FFS. If he's unwilling to take time off HE needs to organise emergency childcare.

eddielizzard · 03/08/2016 19:16

what is a passive income? money from investments?

flanjabelle · 03/08/2016 19:17

No advice but wow what a complete cunt. You poor thing op.

HandyWoman · 03/08/2016 19:17

Haha 'wankcannon'

I think he's a knobhead and your relationship is clearly dead in the water.

One of those things you can do nothing about, the other you can.

My advice would be to lean on friends/emergency nanny, get well and then ditch the knobhead

What a horrible situation all round. Get well OP

andintothefire · 03/08/2016 19:17

You need to rest. He needs to go on the business trip. It isn't that easy for him to cancel and to be perfectly honest I wouldn't expect him to do so unless there was actually an emergency in the form of you having been taken into hospital. I don't see the problem with getting emergency childcare or asking for help from friends or family temporarily. You obviously have enough money for childcare to be a solution (since you don't really want him to have a career).

You are obviously unwell and probably not thinking clearly, but your posts are coming across as slightly odd in your attitude towards him. It would be different if you posted that you had asked him to arrange childcare because you were too ill to sort it out and he refused to do so. But just demanding that he cancel a business trip and being so dismissive of his job suggests there might be more to this. Perhaps there are other underlying frustrations?

I really hope you find a workable solution and feel better soon.

StrictlyMumDancing · 03/08/2016 19:18

This is awful. Being ill with the kids is hard enough, but pneumonia and he refuses to take time off to look after his own DC? I'd LTB in a heartbeat, I'd have no respect for him after that.

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