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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you believe in love at first sight?

81 replies

DetentionGrrrl · 27/01/2007 19:58

I fell in love with DP the first time i saw him, and i am still madly in love with him 8 1/2 years later.

Any other MNers had a similar experience, or do you think love at 1st sight is a load of cobblers?

OP posts:

Socci · 30/01/2007 12:57

Message withdrawn

Piffle · 30/01/2007 12:57

Dp and I had spoken prior to our first date and I had seen a photo (a mutual friend hooked us up)
We really clicked talking and emailing, both at similar stages of life and wanted same things.
First sight I caught of him I knew looking at him that I could love him forever.
Thank god it was mutual, although I suspect he would deny at first sight, being a cautious guarded man who took 6 mths to tell me he loved me But flew from Belgium every weekend and then drove a 500 mile round trip every w/e to see me...

anniemac · 30/01/2007 13:00

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madamez · 30/01/2007 13:41

Bugsy: what it is, is an instant attraction which, when followed up a bit, shows the other person to have no unbearable faults such as voting UKIP, extensive police record for spouse abuse and doggy-torturing, bad breath, unfashionable shoes or a funny voice. If it's the case that both individuals have compatible pheremones (ie they smell right to each other on a level that is pretty much subconscious) and are both at a stage in their lives where they want to begin a longterm relationship and/or breed, then they will get together, convenitently forgetting all the many other times when they were attracted to individuals who proved to be undesirable or completely unavailable when engaged in conversation. The "beloved at first sight" is simply the first attractive and available and free-of-offputting-factors person who comes along when you're physically or mentally inclined towards couplehood.

Bugsy2 · 30/01/2007 13:52

That is pretty much what I thought Madamez. I've had that zing connection thing - but always put it down to lust! But I'm probably a bit to slapperish & far, far, far too practical for love at first sight. I sort of wish I did believe it, as it sounds so lovely & romantic. Maybe I've just been really unlucky?!

anniemac · 30/01/2007 14:03

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Original poster

DetentionGrrrl · 30/01/2007 14:30

well i wasn't looking for anyone madamez, and neither was DP. we saw each other in the street, and that was it. I immediately felt love, trust, facination..he made me laugh with a quip, his smile, his demeanor, everything was just right. I knew if we didn't see each other again, my life would just be wrong This was all in a matter of no more than 5mins.

Oooh i feel all smooshy now.

OP posts:

bogwobbit · 30/01/2007 15:36

Bugsy,
I would say the same as expat and anniemac. It was a 'connection' and a strong feeling that it I didn't see him again, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

madamez · 30/01/2007 15:45

DG, bogwobbit etc, am not disbelieving that you felt an instant attraction towards your DPs. It just so happened that when you sought them out again they turned out to be acceptable, likeable people rather than scumbags, and that's a good thing.

I just really don;t advocate anyone accepting the rubbish that "love" is some outside force, rather than a mix of attraction, compatibility and fortunate coincidence. Because plenty of people feel that "instant connection" with a stranger, and either it doesn't last beyond the first few minutes of actual conversation, or that stranger turns out to be a bully, loser or liar - and the poor sap who "believes in love at first sight" mournfully follows said loser/liar around and puts up with all sort of abuse because it's "really love and you can't fight it."

Having said all that. the closest thing I can think of to love at first sight for me was (oh, and you may need sickbags) was seeing the first scan of DS at 11weeks. I hadn't realised that I'd actually see a recognisable foetus that kicked and wiggled rather than a tiny flashing dot.

Kirton · 31/01/2007 10:17

Well the first time I saw him, I didn't really take much notice - but the first time we had a proper conversation - WOW. And from there, it just always felt meant to be. He truly is my other half, and on the 2 times that things have gone baaaad I've had a weird sense of life going off the path it's meant to be on, luckily has got back on again Oh, and the smell of him - seriously this man's neck is the best smell in the world, bar none....

PetitFilou1 · 31/01/2007 14:05

Met my dh in Vietnam on my travels (went travelling for 6 months, totally out of character for me but needed a dramatic life change), clicked straight away but certainly not love at first sight. He pursued me and 'courted' me traditionally with love letters, flowers, etc which I really enjoyed. However I resisted as thought I didn't fancy him enough but eventually I gave in. Bit like foundintranslation really. I love him deeply and want to get old with him.
My mum and stepdad are definitely love at first sight though, my stepdad loses weight dramatically every time my mum gets ill. If she died I would not be surprised if he went quickly afterwards - they are completely obssessed with each other.
Other interesting point, the friend I went travelling with also met her dh on the same trip and is now married and lives in Australia (we both have two kids now). What are the chances of that?!

albertson · 31/01/2007 15:48

Believe in lust at first sight, which I have mistaken for love on several occasions. Felt it with dp and though i now don't think it was love, because I didn't know him . Now I have put up with years of his eccentricities and still am with him, so that is love. But I do believe we had a strong chemical connection which a relationship has to have to start off with to survive. On same note, do you think that these days a lot of people seem to be "falling in love at first sight", marrying quickly and having kids asap. I've noticed it all over the place and ascribe it to late 30s panic that they will be another Daily Mail statistic and never have babies. Will be v interested to see if such relationships last - hope so

hippmummy · 31/01/2007 17:05

Agree with DG about life taking you down different path if you make a different choice.
I often feel like DH and I were fated to be together. We met in our early 20's through a series of coincidences. It was love at first sight for both of us, and we were both in relationships with other people so getting together wasn't the easy option!
Been together for 10 years and have 2 beautiful boys!

Califrau · 31/01/2007 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belgianmama · 31/01/2007 17:45

I think with me it grew quickly, but it wasn't quite at first sight, but after 2 days of knowing dp I just knew that one day he would be the father of my babies. Something I had never felt with anyone else before. And guess what?... He IS the father of my babies!

TartanTeddy · 31/01/2007 20:03

It wasn't love at first sight, although my husband and I met on the first day of a college course. He sat beside me as there were no other seats left in the lecture theatre - remember walking down the road chatting with him afterwards. Didn't go out for another 8 months, but on the night of our first date I dreamed I married him. I'd been out with lots of other guys before him, including ones I'd really fancied before we went out but this was the first and only time I dreamed about marrying.

Bellbird · 02/02/2007 09:53

Not sure what 'love at first sight' means as I'm way too practical. If it just means fancying the pants off a bloke, well that happens every time I watch Five's 'Prison Break' - Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell - both very nice. However, if it has anything to do with liking the look of someone, getting a nice warm feeling inside when you chat and knowing that by being with them everything will usually be alright in the end - then yes! It only works if the feeling's mutual, which in the case of DH and me, it was - I'm so lucky .

cashmeresox · 02/02/2007 13:44

I certainly didn't fall in love at first sight - my friend had told me that if I didn't get a date in the next week I wouldn't be allowed any more chocolate out of the stableyard choc tin! My now DH was totally drunk as it was the night before his sister's wedding - I had the 'choice' of him or another bloke who I was told had an enormous you know what I chose him...my friend told me the next night that I would marry him. I tried to dump him every day for about 6 weeks but he was so sweet and impeccably behaved that I couldn't do it. I told him I loved him on a windswept cliff in Cornwall in the middle of the night and I have loved him more and more every day since - now 5 years . I had wanted to dump him cos I thought he was really unattractive and boring. Turns out he is dead gorgeous and very very cheeky . Also now the father of DD and DS. Ooh, I feel hot and bothered just thinking about him Hope this post doesn't jinx us!!

Bellbird · 02/02/2007 21:00

I think there was an inevitability about it for us. Years ago, our friends found it pretty annoying that we spent so much time together without 'doing anything about it' - but believe me when we did do something about it weh hey. It's nice of you gals to start this thread - I'm getting all nostalgic and it's a shame DH is out getting groceries right now!

stitchlloyds · 03/02/2007 00:08

Took a huge liking to him via an online community. I'd been widowed young a couple of years before & been avoiding relationships since.

When I met him, I thought he was far too arrogant. Turned out to be all front - meanwhile he was busy deciding I was out of his league!

We were mates for a while after that; then a mutual friend decided that he was just what SHE was looking for. Made me realise that he was the best thing in my life...& he still is!

harpsichordcarrier · 03/02/2007 00:24

cobblers imo
love is not something you can tell from the way someone looks.
it grows and develops.
imo

madamez · 03/02/2007 02:02

Nice to hear (and to bear in mind) that so many people are happy and sorted out. Just a little bit concerned that all the mythology about love (not in the least knocking those of you who have happy domestic arrangements) means that too many people put up with horrible misery and abuse, whether it's being beaten by a partner, stalkng/being stalked or wasting your life waiting for X to "realise that we're each other;s soulmates" when X doesn;t actually agree with you on that one and would be doing just fine if he/she didn;t have to think about taking out a restraining order against you.

Love is a kind of mutual contract. If you feel love for someone, then you generally wish them well and care about their wellbeing. And sometimes that means leaving them the f*k alone.

fairyfly · 03/02/2007 02:06

Yeh i do, but i also believe love isn't the be all and end all, there has to be so much more.

So sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't, if you fall in love at first sight you are taking a huge gamble, it's like a lottery, he just may not be what you think he is.

fortyplus · 03/02/2007 10:31

I believe that you can feel intense attraction at first sight.

But whether this leads to a worthwhile relationship is down to personalities and personal values.

mytwopenceworth · 03/02/2007 10:52

yup. I met a man, went to his house for a coffee and ended up in his bed 3 hours later. that evening he drove me home and stayed the night. we spent christmas together. i was already due to move from a bedsit to a flat and he lugged all my furniture over and his tv and clothes just appeared alongside! we married 3 months later, moved 200 miles away and now, nearly 9 years later (and back up north!), we've got 2 fab kids.

ok, we've had our ups and downs - but so do people who had a 10 year engagement! and some people might think it's an odd kind of relationship, but it works for us.

We connected at first sight. i felt like i knew him inside out. i really cant explain it. soulmates? drawn together from a past life? attracted by our mutual 'slapperness'? who knows. i only know that there was something special when we met that was like nothing i had ever felt with anyone else before or since.

god how mushy. i feel slighty nauseous.

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