Finances when moving in together

[TooManyButtons]

I'm having tentative talks with DP about the prospect of him moving in. DD is going off to uni in September, I have no other children, so most of the time it would just me me and DP. I own my own home, and wouldn't expect him to contribute to the mortgage, however would expect him to contribute fairly.

He doesn't earn much, I earn a bit (but not much) more. He's basically told me after he's paid his child maintenance/loan/petrol, he'll be able to give me £200 per month.

I know I sound like a heartless money grabber, but that's really not enough. Effectively I'd be subsidising him, and it worries me about the future. He'd have no spare money so holidays etc would mean me paying for us both. If (in the future) we decided to buy a house together, he wouldn't be able to contribute towards the mortgage.

Am I being a selfish bitch, or is it a non starter?

Yikes...

Ummmmmm

Reported

Whats the situation with his 3 kids? As a PP has suggested, paying that much maintenance on that salary suggests he doesn't have them overnight (presuming this is also the case if he is living with his sister). Will this change if he moves in with you and has a stable home to have them overnight? If so, his maintenance would go down, but then you'd be supporting his 3 kids too (and effectively have them moving in).

My and my dh are in a similar position to you, we are a similar age (me 40, him 42), both second marriage. The house we share is owned outright by me (so no mortgage). I earn slightly more than him, but only a few hundred pounds, but he also pays child maintenance and has a car loan. he pays all the household bills from his account - which totals about £450 and I buy all the food for the household which totals about £650, I am happy to pay slight more as I have 3 teenage dc that are here 60% of the time. We usually contribute 50/50 for social / holidays / nights out, although he is a gent so often doesn't let me pay for coupley stuff.

At the end of the day he has more outgoings than me so he has less disposble income than me, but at the end of the day, in my eyes he pays half of our living expenses and social time so its not an issue for us.

OP, your man literally has no spare cash. How does he buy xmas presents for his dc / family? Car tax / insurance? Like you say, if the cooker breaks down etc?

If he has been living with his sister he is not used to running a home. What about buying food / clothes for his kids? this man can;'t afford to support himself love, let alone contribute to running an equal home.

it sounds like he has been honest with you about what he can afford. I guess it's up to you now.

I've had a pm suggesting someone has 'outed' me on this thread. I think that's highly unlikely, and someone has jumped to the wrong conclusions; his debt is nothing to do with me and was accrued before we met.

Those that have mentioned my previous thread - yes it's the same person. Its not a reverse, I'm not lying, I did in fact wise up enough to end the relationship and have him move out earlier this year. A combination of a breakdown leading to me feeling very fragile and alone, and him being supportive, had me thinking there might be a future for us, but obviously the financial issues are still there.

I suppose I wanted a voice of reason to tell me to stop being ridiculous. Which I got.

You sound so sad OP I hope you're ok.

Yes, the financial issues are still there.
But when you had to "beg/plead/cry" to get him to do some bloody housework, that was nothing to do with finances.

Please don't move him back in.
Do you really think he's a good source of support? And not simply going to contribute to another breakdown?

If you genuinely think he can be a good emotional support to you, then let him be. From outside of your home.