Feeling pretty stupid

[doinotknowhowluckyiam]

So.. Been with my fiancé for about 18 months, we've built an amazing life together and get on amazingly... Genuinely that smug couple to other people (the shame!)

So, he says he's meeting someone after work... I then get texts for him as normal throughout the evening... He says he'll be home at a certain time... 15 mins later than he was due home he calls, says he'll be home in 30 mins... Then I get a text saying that he needs my help and needs it now and then I can't get hold of him..

I run out of our house, trying to find him, frantically calling... End up calling 101 who put me through to the emergency line... He turns up, steaming drunk and pissed off that I called the police... Won't tell me why he needed help...

I look on his phone (not even sorry) to see if he said anything to the guy he said he was meeting... My fiancé had cancelled, saying "something else came up" and further on down his text messages was an address of a local apartment from a number, which when googled, is an escort...

He sees I've got the phone and flies off the handle, chasing me round trying to get it back... Gets it and changes the passcode... Has it set so that if you enter the wrong passcode 10 times the phone gets wiped... So now I'm on the sofa while the drunken arse sleeps it off.... The latest was that he was googling them with a workmate and has never visited one.... That's not washing!

He won't own up to it, even when sober, will he? This is not me, this is not my life...

So we have a drunkard, selfish, angry, cheating married man who feels the need to visit escorts. And is not, clearly, prioritizing the child he already has sired. Instead he is prioritizing his love life, his sex life, partying, drinking, whatever

Well said.

I'm glad you're seeing this about him only 18 months in. You think you're hunting now, imagine you were in the same position as his STBXW with a young baby and out there telling his next victim you and he are seperated so he can make bed straight in with the next poor cow he hoodwinks.

If you find yourself pining for the man you thought he was, try having a chat with his wife. I doubt she was aware of their "separation" when you met. And maybe some other fiancés will come out of the woodwork.

Was it really that easy to get a date for a wedding with a married man?

Yeah it is ravenmum - my ex's gf has booked the registry office and we haven't even started the divorce yet.

Far far better to remove yourself now than have what happened to a friend, lovely wedding as second wife, when they got back from honeymoon he announced he didn't love her and was going on to the next woman.

Sound insights in all these posts. AF hit nail on head again. You've been played. This man has returned to his former lover - alcohol. While he was still married there were limits and "things to prove". He doesn't have those any more and has started again as a (not so) free man with you. It was all a scam, no matter how gorgeous it felt at the time. 18mths really is too fast to have made the kind of plans you were making. But that's easy for me to say, harsh for you to hear. Let him go. If he hasn't gone by now then ask him to leave. End it like he has your dreams. It'll hurt like a knife-wound but afterwards you'll thank the goddess that you're alive and still standing. Are you ready?

Really hope you are doing OK OP?

No, you never think it's going to be you. He sounds like a right handful and you're better off out of it. It looks like he's lying and cheating, and you aren't even married.