Just that really. I am 35 weeks pregnant and upset is an understatement. I am a long time lurker and last week I checked his email and saw that he had messaged people on craigslist for massage services. I confronted him, he denied, saying 'you know I was researching that'. I called him on his bullshit (he did - a year ago), and then he said that he was looking into getting a massage with a handjob but did not go through with it. I told him I did not believe him, went mad at him (all via text unfortunately, as he was in no position to talk). He went to a work's drink thing that night, came back, would not speak about it, and I slept on the couch, getting only a few hours sleep. Next morning he said he would talk and admitted to visiting a place three times and getting a handjob at the end of it. I went mad on him, he seemed a bit remorseful, said sorry, but said he was stressed and it was just for stress release, that he did not see it as a sexual thing. Which I know is bullshit.
Thing is, I have been trying to engage with him sexually for months. He repeatedly turns me down, saying he is tired or that he feels uncomfortable because I am pregnant with his baby. So I feel really devastated, heavily pregnant, unattractive and rejected right now.
I have pointed out the STI risks, the moral/legal risks - this to me is a BIG deal paying for a service, using family money for an exploitation-based trade. He is evasive, and does not like to talk about it. He is away for the week unfortunately, so I am very limited in the contact, so I am left with my thoughts about how to deal with this bombshell.
It's not like we are a sexually prudish couple. Before pregnancy we actively involved others sexually. To me, it is lying and deception that is the issue. We used a site together which I then discovered he was using to contact others for his own needs (webcamming). I have caught him before on various dating/affair sites, where he has swore that he has never met with anyone and he uses them for webcamming (which is something which I said was ok, albeit reluctantly). I went mad about the sites and he said he would not do that again. All sites were deleted. Now he has gone that bit further in the lying and deception.
He is a very good husband in other ways, a great stepdad, very well house trained, caring. He has a high stress job too and several hobbies so he is very busy a lot of the time. He has been drinking a lot (at home) for the past few years. We have been through a heck of a lot together - some incredibly stressful family stuff that would break most people. We have both made sacrifices. As I said, it is a good marriage, apart from these lies. He thinks it is not cheating and has said he has never cheated on me. Every time I discover something else, I feel upset, then deflated. Perhaps because I am so heavily pregnant, this time I am at the end of it. If he cannot change, properly change, I can't see a way forward. That thought is scary as hell in my current vulnerable situation.
I have booked a relate session for us for next week. It all feels so cliched and seedy.