Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

can you have a happy marriage without kissing?

92 replies

Mrstumbletap · 26/07/2016 21:13

Hi,

Just interested in the kissing going on in your relationships, DH and I kiss very differently and no matter the conversations we have had about it we just like to kiss differently, and naturally want to go back to the style we want. I am wondering, other than a peck on the lips or a longer sort of French kiss (is that what it's called without tongues?) could we just basically abandon snogging and still have a great intimate relationship and sex life?

Do any of you not kiss and things are still good? Have any of you loved your DH but just not been a fan of the way you kiss?

OP posts:
Pasithea · 29/07/2016 23:22

DH is not physical. I'd peck on cheek or head. We have not dtd for about 8 years as he is worried it will hurt me. I am disabled. But as he only gets into kisses when we did it that faded too. He's not that good at kissing. But we're happy the way we are.

Emmaroos · 29/07/2016 23:33

i've given up on kissing DH - it's the slobbery face mashing thing he does...it's not nice, and he rips my face to bits with his stubble. I fancy him though, and there's a reasonable amount of off lips kissing. I think he'd like to kiss more, but when it comes down to it he just can't be arsed to put the effort in to get us to a middle ground in kissing styles that would work for us both. It definitely means we have less sex than we might without kissing to get things started.

CalmItKermitt · 30/07/2016 00:07

Omg that video 😦😦😦

AbyssinianBanana · 30/07/2016 00:16

If his kisses were the kind that gave you butterflies, and went on to be the kind that made you need to change your knickers, and then settled into the kind that made you feel like the 24 year old that a part of brain clings to as your only reality ... Yes, kissing is important.

Otherwise no. You can still have sexual attraction and be married a decade or two and not need kisses and it makes no difference.

Which is yours?

LucyBabs · 30/07/2016 00:26

Kissing is very important for me and dp.
A proper passionate kiss between us has me tingling and makes dp hard Blush

Doesitreallymatteranyway · 30/07/2016 00:29

My teenage boyfriend was a fantastic kisser, then I have spent many years with someone really bad at it, though that was the least of our problems. Now I am happily with an amazing kisser again. Each to their own preference like many have said but it is a bonus and such a nice way to connect if you are into it.

Gwenhwyfar · 30/07/2016 08:01

Someone mentioned that it's not good to kiss someone with lots of teeth missing . Is that true?

Gallievans · 30/07/2016 09:24

Been together with DH for 21 years and he is a crap kisser. Bedroom is fine, but oh how I miss a good kissing session. Worst of it is that yup, have experienced expert kissage in the past which coupled with expert bedroom. But - hubby loves me unconditionally and stillnmakes my entire body tingle when tunings get underway so it could be worse! As long as you are happy in other ways each to their own

Gallievans · 30/07/2016 09:27

Damn autocorrect. Things not tunings (although that could be interesting! )Grin

dementedma · 30/07/2016 09:30

No kissing or holding hands here. 29 years married. That probably explains it.

Tryingtobegood10 · 30/07/2016 12:18

When my partner and i were going through a ruff patch we stopped kissing, even during sex! Looking back I guess it's strange that we didnt like each other very much but still enjoyed DTD lol things are back on track now and it's come back and is lovely!
I dated a guy once (2 dates) who had really terrible teeth (from what I could see rotten/ some missing) and as much as I really liked him I just couldn't bare the thought of kissing him and i couldn't see him again! I wonder does anyone's partners have bad teeth and how do you find kissing???

MxJackMonroe · 30/07/2016 17:32

I've stayed in some terrible relationships for some excellent kissing Blush but each to their own. It's more intimate than sex, for me, but there are a gazillion reasons behind that. Sounds like you are doing fine, 10 years in, everyone's different.

toldmywrath · 30/07/2016 18:53

Tryingtobegood- I raised that point about teeth earlier on- no snogging if a partner has broken/rotten teeth (or what about false teeth- to keep in or not? Shock ) Grin
Sadly I'm in the position of spouse with failing teeth so I don't enjoy a pash anymore, a peck on the lips & kisses elsewhere have to suffice.

Gaspard · 31/07/2016 00:33

Pointy stabby tongueGrin

Original poster
Mrstumbletap · 31/07/2016 12:43

Emmaroos your DH and mine sound like the same man!

Someone said kissing is what makes a partner different to a friend, I think the other things I do with my DH make him very different to my male friends. Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrstumbletap · 31/07/2016 12:46

Abyssinabanana no his kisses never really knocked my socks off in the beginning, I fell in love and the chemistry and my attraction to him were strong but it wasn't his kiss in particular that made me weak at the knees.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrstumbletap · 31/07/2016 12:49

After watching that video maybe my DH isn't that bad......

OP posts:
ParadiseCity · 31/07/2016 12:54

I don't know, it all seems a bit teenagery and sparkly unicorn Facebook meme shite, to say that kissing is essential to a relationship.

As long as you enjoy shagging each other I'm sure it's all fine.

mellowfartfulness · 31/07/2016 13:21

I used to snog DH loads when we first met - new relationship zing and all that. In fact the day I met him we did little else. But actually our styles are quite different and I have got less tolerant of wet snogs as time goes on - nowadays we don't really kiss on the lips at all. When the kissing first started to fade out I was worried that it meant something awful about our relationship, but we've been married years and we're happy. He kisses me hello and goodbye every day on the top of my head!

I think there's a lot of variation in what people do together, more than popular culture would lead you to believe. Especially in relationships that span many years, because people stop being so conscious about What Dating Is Like and just relax into their own style. Even things that culturally we consider 'the basics' can fall off the menu if they don't work for both people.

CatsNOwls · 31/07/2016 16:40

Don't see why not. Not everyone has the same style and a lot of people I know don't kiss their partner at all or very rarely because they aren't into kissing (or have sensory issues which make kissing a problem).

If you're having other forms of intimacy, it fine. Not everyone have physical intimacy at all because not everyone is a physical affection giver/receiver by preference. I think as long as the two of you are comfortable there is no problem.

RubyFlint · 01/08/2016 10:48

OMG that video!!! I wish I could under that. WTF was he thinking? Poor woman... And caught for all time on film. Eek.

RubyFlint · 01/08/2016 10:48

Unsee not under

CalmItKermitt · 02/08/2016 00:56

Do you think there's a universally accepted "right" way to kiss?

Because think of all the films where there's a lovely kissing scene.....it's never a sloppy or poky-tongue one is it?

Original poster
Mrstumbletap · 03/08/2016 12:30

There can't be a universal way surely?

My DH and I have talked about the way we kiss and we definitely are different in our preferences, he prefers less tongue I prefer more, but not pokey, smooth, If that is even how you would describe it?

I remember kissing a guy when I was about 18 and he literally knocked my socks off with the way he kissed, I kissed him non stop for about 15 minutes. Didn't really fancy him though, and he was a bit of an idiot.

OP posts:
ChipInTheSugar · 03/08/2016 18:03

I've been reading and other similar threads on kissing - I'm dating a guy whose kissing style doesn't do anything for me, but is very nice in other ways. The question is, do I tell him to change how he kisses me? It would seem the obvious solution, but I think if someone said it to me, I would tell them where to stick their kisses!