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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH told me I have fat legs...

93 replies

Runningupthathill82 · 26/07/2016 08:03

...And he's right, I do. I never seem to lose weight from them. And I appreciate his honesty, but at the same time I'm a bit upset that that's how he sees me.

This was last night. I was doing my strengthening exercises in the lounge and he commented that it's strange how I have such fat legs for someone who's otherwise slimmish and fit. He didn't say it in a mean way, but a matter of fact one. And he is right, I do!

Not sure why I'm posting really. I'm hurt. I made light of it at the time but today I'm feeling v self conscious and worried about putting my running shorts on.

I put on 4st while pregnant with DD (now 6 months) and have lost 3.5 of it. I thought I was doing well, but now I feel kind of crushed. And inadequate next to the lithe women at his running club who are all far teenier than me.

Not sure why he'd say what he did, and not sure why it's bothered me so much.

OP posts:
MaisieDotes · 26/07/2016 09:48

He's still putting you down even though you've lost 3.5 stone Hmm

I remember your previous thread.

SleepFreeZone · 26/07/2016 09:49

Aelah - read the thread again love.

motherinferior · 26/07/2016 09:50

You ran a half marathon two months after having a baby?????

OP, I personally worship your legs.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 26/07/2016 09:58

He's an insensitive twat. My ex (note the ex) used to think it was 'funny' that my stomach was big while the rest of me is fairly slim (it was home to our son, you utter dick). I'd tell him you feel really peed off about it (especially as he knows you are putting effort into exercising regularly) and it's made you feel crap. And that you expect flowers/nice meal/jewellery as compensation.

SecretMongoose · 26/07/2016 09:59

I assume he's the peak of physical perfection himself then of course?
He sounds like an arse. Who wants to be with someone who is constantly critical of them? It's intensely demoralising.

Thefitfatty · 26/07/2016 10:04

They're not looks-obsessed, but they are fitness obsessed. Personal trainers, running coaches, that sort of thing.
Sometimes I feel like DH sees me more as a running "machine" that needs to be honed to precision and dealt with according to a manual, rather than a real person with feelings.

If they know this much about fitness than they should know that this isn't something you can change.

They don't sound like very positive or healthy people, and you really need to question if this is a healthy relationship. I grew up with a mother who body shamed me, and I have a lot of issues with food and eating disorders. Is this the type of thing you want your kids to hear?

Original poster
Runningupthathill82 · 26/07/2016 10:04

Secret - he is. That's part of the problem! He's a walking ad for Men's Health magazine. Maybe I should try and take some of the credit for that, because I have the kids, no quibbles, while he exercises!

OP posts:
LadyLayLay · 26/07/2016 10:07

Guilty hahahaha.

OP I'm sorry he said that Sad It sounds like you've done an amazing job of losing all the weight! It was a really insensitive thing of him to say.

I would have probably said something like it's strange that you have such a large ego with a penis as small as yours "DP, that was really hurtful and I feel really upset that you would talk to me like that. Please think how you would feel if I said something like that about you, after you'd carried our children"

TuppencePenny · 26/07/2016 10:08

Is there anything about his body you don't like? Would you tell him? Exactly.

Jayfee · 26/07/2016 10:23

I have always had heavy calves even when i weighed seven and a half stone. My fat sister didn't. it seems genetic in my family There. is nobody alive who hasn't something that is not average about their body. Some men, most?,canbe insensitive. He loves you, just like you love him. Have a think...he must have something you could criticise, but you don't because you are more sensitive. Ironically many men wouldn't even notice it if you criticised them... well except for their lunch box perhaps!

Jayfee · 26/07/2016 10:24

But please let him know he hurt your feelings

ohtheholidays · 26/07/2016 10:24

You've lost that much weight in 6 months? Shock that's amazing OP well done you,I wish I had your will power! Smile

Your husband and your so called friends have acted like arseholes!
Your a size 8-10 that's tiny and only 6 months after having a baby,that's a miracle in it's self,I should know I have 5DC.

With your legs if it bothers you and for your sake no one elses!Have you tried body brushing?It can really help with your legs if they're holding a lot of toxins in them, another thing that's supposed to be great is lymphatic(drainage) massage,I'm getting one done soon.

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 26/07/2016 10:28

You sound like you're in great shape and doing incredible fitness wise - especially amazing for someone who's not long had a baby OP! Everyone has a body part they're not so happy about but it's very sad that he's made such a dickish insensitive comment and caused you to feel worse. Perhaps you could say to him casually that for someone so fit and well built it's funny that he has such a small penis?

murphys · 26/07/2016 10:44

We are made how we are made. And your body shape sounds just like mine OP. Due to various reasons I am a bit underweight right now, but I still have these horrid flabby legs. I don't run but I do workout 3 times a week, my ribs and hip bones are sticking out, but the tops of my legs have fat on outer and inner thighs that just will not move! It doesn't matter how I work them, its where my fat bits are.

He does sound insensitive, but I also think his priorities are in the wrong place. Does he want a trophy wife to show off to his gym/fitness buddies, or does he want a proper woman and mother as his wife?

I can imagine how you feel. 6 weeks after giving birth to dd (2nd baby) I was told I had a vagina like a bag of spuds! he is stbxh

I think you should discuss this with him, and at the same time tell him his breath smells or something..... Wink

Dollface136 · 26/07/2016 11:04

You 100% need to tell him that his comments are neither kind nor helpful and he has hurt you. You should be feeling proud of your body. You have grown two children in it! That's amazing in itself. Has he managed to grow a fully functioning human? No thought not. It's actually not that difficult for a man to shed weight and build muscle because that is what his body is designed to do. Yours is designed to grow a human, birth it, and feed it. Part of that function requires you to store fat and carrying two humans inside you will definitely require your legs to grow bigger (and stronger).

As for the other ladies at running club, please do not compare yourself. You're probably comparing yourself to women who have no children, or ignoring the fact that while "Debbie from running club" has killer legs, she has small wonky boobs, or a big nose or some other minor imperfection that she beats herself up about in the mirror that you don't have.

Your body works, and from the sound of it extremely well. That should be celebrated. You've done incredibly well to achieve what you have at home and in exercise, don't let anyone make you feel you are not good enough. Make it clear to your DH that his words are not good enough for you. That you deserve praise for your achievements and kindness when you feel weak.

Keep on going fit mama! xx

user7755 · 26/07/2016 11:07

I keep thinking about this, and I just can't help but think he's an arse (as are your friends). I'm very into fitness and exercise but there is no way on earth I would comment negatively on someone else's body. Unless you said 'what exercises can I do for my thighs?' And he said 'squats' (or whatever - he's a twat. Absolutely no need to comment any more than that!

ultrathule · 26/07/2016 11:09

OP. Have you ever seen photos of Emelie Forsberg or Anna Frost? They are the best mountain runners in the world. Neither of them are what you would call "tiny". They are strong and stronger. I bet you are too.

Thefitfatty · 26/07/2016 11:17

user7755 Me too. I can't stand this kind of body shaming. I'm really into fitness, but I would never ever ever negatively comment on another persons body. Or start giving them unwanted advice.

I remember a guy at my gym felt the need to do this to me, but about my stomach. I'd had my 2nd c-section 6 months before and had really bad diastasis recti, and he felt the need to say "You know, you'd be perfect if it wasn't for your stomach." and then started telling me what kind of sit ups I should do (which you CANNOT do with DR). I wanted to punch him and it still bothers me.

I'm fuming on the Op's behalf!

Original poster
Runningupthathill82 · 26/07/2016 11:23

Thanks ultra, for the very kind PM.

All these supportive posts are very much helping me to feel better about things.

OP posts:
murphys · 26/07/2016 11:26

Dollface, lovely post.

SleepFreeZone · 26/07/2016 11:28

I am now understanding why 75% of the women always turned off their lights on Take Me Out directly the guy was shown to be an athlete or gym buff.

3amEternal · 26/07/2016 11:34

mean bastard

^^ this!

I think there is a tendency for fitness freak men to be controlling and judgemental. Op he sounds like an arse.

LyndaNotLinda · 26/07/2016 11:44

He sounds really mean. What are you supposed to do with that information? It's like him telling you he doesn't like your curly hair and wishes it were straight, or that your eyes were blue instead of brown.

I would tell him to fuck off. You've borne his bloody children, you gave birth to one of them 6 months ago, and all he can do is moan that your body isn't a perfect visual specimen? Fuck him. What an utterly despicable thing to do.

And watch this:

Original poster
Runningupthathill82 · 26/07/2016 11:44

Thank you dollface, that is lovely.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 26/07/2016 12:39

tell him yes, theyre big, but I will crush you with them