DH told me I have fat legs...

[Runningupthathill82]

...And he's right, I do. I never seem to lose weight from them. And I appreciate his honesty, but at the same time I'm a bit upset that that's how he sees me.

This was last night. I was doing my strengthening exercises in the lounge and he commented that it's strange how I have such fat legs for someone who's otherwise slimmish and fit. He didn't say it in a mean way, but a matter of fact one. And he is right, I do!

Not sure why I'm posting really. I'm hurt. I made light of it at the time but today I'm feeling v self conscious and worried about putting my running shorts on.

I put on 4st while pregnant with DD (now 6 months) and have lost 3.5 of it. I thought I was doing well, but now I feel kind of crushed. And inadequate next to the lithe women at his running club who are all far teenier than me.

Not sure why he'd say what he did, and not sure why it's bothered me so much.

Telling him to fuck off is going to help how?

By making it clear he has no right to body shame her? To get across how wrong and upsetting that is?

OP I think you and I have the same body! I'm a size 8-10 but the women in my family have fat legs. I once slimmed down to 7 and a half stone and a size 6 to try and make my thighs lean and they were still covered in cellulite and wobbly as anything from the knee up. I've even sought professional advice and they told me it was just the way my body is and I couldn't lose any more body fat. Basically accept it! I'm so so conscious of my legs but my partner knows this and would never comment like that. YANBU and especially after having babies he should be more understanding.

It will make him aware that he's behaving like a twat and has upset the woman he loves, who has carried his child and lost 3 1/2 stone in 6 months. Hopefully, following that, he will never do it again!

Utterly unacceptable thing for him to say op. I disagree with those saying it wasn't intended to be hurtful. Why say it otherwise? It's a cruel remark designed to belittle you from what I can see.

Does he have prior form for "helpful comments"?

Your friends sound equally unkind tbh. They shouldn't even be thinking about your baby weight, let alone commenting on it! I am sorry you're having to deal with such negativity. You have every right to be hurt.

Congratulations on your baby.

Sounds like a fact not body shaming and maybe the beginning of a discussion of tailoring your exercising to more leg toning.

It's more about intention than the words themselves..... If he was genuinely musing that you might do better with different exercises that's very different to "my God your legs are fat"

Tactless yes.....in need of been told to F off possibly not.

He is being very cruel and undermining you. Is this the norm for him?

I guess I'm still down on myself as I'm carrying babyweight still, and friends have also made disparaging comments about how come I put so much weight on in pregnancy, let myself go etc

He said that as a runner I should have much more toned legs and he can't understand why they're not

He certainly does not think I'm the "sexiest thing ever" either

Seems like your friends and DH are all shallow, looks-obsessed people, to be honest. They don't see your amazing achievement in six months, all they see is imperfections? I'd be thinking about ditching the 'friends' and the DH would be on shaky ground too!

Witches -They're not looks-obsessed, but they are fitness obsessed. Personal trainers, running coaches, that sort of thing.
Sometimes I feel like DH sees me more as a running "machine" that needs to be honed to precision and dealt with according to a manual, rather than a real person with feelings.

I would have said you don't fucking moan if they are wrapped round you though do you dh
And then don't wrap them around him for a good while

How is that weird ?

The op has a new baby he obviously didn't mind her thighs when he was involved in conception, is my point.

And I don't think anyone who is a size 8-10 should be encouraged to lose any more weight, surely even a short person who is that size can't be overweight? I'm 5'2 and haven't been that size since I was 16,17. I was a size 14 throughout my twenties, yet my BMI was in the 'normal' range as was my weight/height ratio. If I'd got down to size 8-10 I'd have been officially underweight, but for other people my height, size 8-10 is right for their body type.
It's just different body types, you see t all the time with athletes. Look at the difference especially in top female tennis players? Some look lithe, slim and not especially muscly, and others (i'm thinking Martina Navratilova, possibly Serena Willliams) look more chunky and muscly. They are all playing the same sport, are super-fit and probably eating similar diets. Therefore, it's got to be genetics and body type.

What's also really annoying is that he's seen me run half and full marathons on these legs, he's seen me carry two children, give birth, and all the rest of it, yet it's not good enough. It's like I'm a disappointment because I'm not perfect and don't look so good in tiny fell running shorts.

In terms of body shape, I'm a bit of a Coleen Rooney. Slim and toned but with legs that are short and heavy in comparison to the rest of my body. Not sure what I can do about that.

And that's one of the reasons I'm pissed off, I guess. I do far more, and varied, exercise, than almost anyone else I know. I exercised throughout both pregnancies and ran a half marathon in a decent time at two months postpartum. But it's not good enough for DH. Sorry, I'm sounding very whiny and self-pitying now, but it's good to "say" it IYSWIM.

Say that to him and then start to believe what you have said - those legs have done some amazing things for you and they don't deserve insults. Learn to love yourself and accept that, while fitness is important, looks are not and anyone who thinks that not looking like a runner is the important thing here is deluded.

I hear what you're saying OP, and I think if they are personal trainers etc, then they can't be very good ones. I've never had a personal trainer so maybe I'm way off here, but I'd have thought they are supposed to motivate people in a positive way, by focussing on their achievements? Not just focus on perceived negatives. You're right, he's forgetting you're a person with feelings and he's talking as if you're a 'thing' that needs to be perfected.

Say it to him. Even if he meant no harm, he should know how his comments affect you.

Bloody hell OP, you don't sound whiny and self-pitying at all, you sound amazing and you deserve a bit of praise!

What an arse he's being.

He'd just love me, OP. At two months post partum, getting out of my dressing gown never mind the house was a major achievement!

Wow, what a wanker!

1. if you are a size 8-10 your legs can't be that fat. They just can't be. Maybe they aren't your ideal legs but frankly, who does have their ideal legs?
2. you sound amazing! Fantastic achievement to be back running.

I have a very close friend who lost use of both her legs (broken spine) recently - I know it sounds trite but it has made me love my legs and all the things they do for me that I had never appreciated before.
Seriously your DH is a knob, even if he said it "factually". But actually from later posts he knew exactly what he was doing.
for you. You are amazing.

Why does it have to be good enough for him though? Why is he your barometer of what is physically acceptable? How is he going to cope as you age or perhaps become unwell and need his help.

Personally I would be focusing on the fact that you have two wonderfully functional legs and good health. If he wants to get caught up in the minutiae of what society deems as beautiful then that says an awful lot about him and perhaps he isn't the man you thought he was when you chose him as a life partner.

Sounds like the problem isn't your legs here OP - it's your husband making you feel inadequate - and he sounds like a bit of a dick for doing so considering the huge amount of hard work you've done in the last 12 months;
-been pregnant
-given birth and recovered
-balanced a newborn and another child
-lose 3.5 fucking stone ffs

He should be high fiving you. It seems his comments were quite mean spirited and after your follow up posts, it appears he has form for making you feel a bit shitty - not something you want post-Partum, or frankly anytime.

There are ways and means of being constructive and helpful - if you were sedentary and moaning about your size, unwilling to motivate yourself but moaning about it regularly - I'd understand a partner or husband interjecting with help and/or advice. But you've clearly demonstrated motivation and SUCCESS in your weight loss/fitness so his comment, whilst true, is pretty mean spirited considering the effort you've put in. From your initial post I wouldn't have been too worried, but the feeling that you're a project or only as good as your last success fitness wise really rings alarm bells for me - when will you be 'good' enough for him?

I'm like you OP. The only time I've ever had a thigh gap was when I was underweight. I run marathons. I can run 5k in 25 minutes. I lift. I squat. etc etc etc.

No amount of exercise is going to "tone" these puppies unless I drop my body fat to unhealthy levels.

In fact the more muscle I get, the more my cellulite tends to stand out and the bigger my legs look.

Oh dear. Parents can be very direct. I suppose I'd only take a comment as it was meant. Not in a mean way. And as you say, it is where you carry weight. Mine is on my arms. If my dad made a comment about them in all likelihood I would agree and that would be it. I think you are being a bit sensitive. X

Sorry I thought you meant your dad had said it not your husband. X