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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH has to think about going away for a weekend with me

87 replies

LippyLiz · 17/07/2016 16:34

DH has had a brief affair, started as emotional in Feb, I found out in Apr, he went to stay at a friends for space and said he wouldn't be in touch with OW. He kept visiting me and kids midweek and for full weekends. Found out in June affair had progressed, we separated on the Fri and on the Tues found out he'd gone away for a weekend with her, blazing argument over the phone, very sorry etc. He came back on the Weds full of remorse and guilt and we've been working on things very slowly for the last 3 weeks. He's still at his friends but he's spending more time up here. We don't argue, never have, I feel dissatisfied with his attempts to sort things out, perhaps it's because he has his doubts, as do I, but mine are stronger doubts.

Because I've been trying to get us back together for over 3 months not knowing affair was progressing, I'm now getting past the point. He knows this but still wants to work on being a couple and family again. I know this won't happen overnight but he's only been working at things for 3 weeks so we're on different pages....

Anyway, today I asked him if he fancied me and him going away for a weekend, away from kids, house etc. He said 'can I think about it?'. I asked him why and he said 'because he wants to make sure we won't get on each other's nerves' type thing. He is an insensitive oaf but is this sensible of him or a sign he's not trying hard enough? Advice please

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 18/07/2016 18:45

I think you want something you can't get back I'm afraid.

nicenewdusters · 18/07/2016 21:47

He actually told you how much he was going to miss her.

I've read some crazy shit on here, but this is astounding.

Does he know that he's married to you, or has he forgotten that bit ?

I don't know how you can be in the same room as him.

whimsical1975 · 18/07/2016 22:10

I don't know how old you are but the not finishing is probably an attempt to prevent a pregnancy which will put him in a very awkward position with OW, especially since he's no doubt told her that you both sleep in separate rooms. He will never come back to you like this OP. He is in a marvelous position, isn't he!!? He lives elsewhere, doesn't have to answer to anyone, doesn't have to hide what he's doing whilst home, can talk to OW for hours if need be, yet still pop in to remind you how wonderful the current set up is!!!! Are you grasping this??!?!?? He's a bullshitter!!!!!!!

Jemmima · 18/07/2016 23:18

He is not missing her because he is still seeing her. You are deluding yourself to believe anything else. Your husband is still having an affair and is in the process of deciding whether to leave you for her. This is how it goes for most affairs. Read The Script and you will see that your life is following a well trodden pattern that is playing itself out.

Jemmima · 18/07/2016 23:20

Even down to you finding yourself again and looking better than ever etc. This is what happens and is the "pick me scenario".

Daisychain5 · 18/07/2016 23:28

Why are you still sleeping with him??

Lookatyourwatchnow · 18/07/2016 23:43

Oh, this is such depressing reading.

AbyssinianBanana · 18/07/2016 23:45

Sounds like he's playing you both. He tells her that they're both ending it with their partners so they can be together...so she does... Aaaaaand he says weeeeellll I'm not so sure....

if you have her number, talk to her.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 19/07/2016 06:43

I can't get over that he is using you like a wank toy, and selling that to you as a good thing for your relationship.
Once you get over the sunk costs ..or, if you suddenly woke up today into this life with no past memories, would this relationship, as it is right now, be what you want for yourself ? You are going to be spending years trying to fix something you didn't break and by the sound of it, trying to fix both halves of the relationship, because he's really not that bothered..he's happy right now, with his broken wife wank toy...nice.

adora1 · 19/07/2016 15:46

Actually lost for words....OP, please give yourself some worth, this man has treated and is continuing to treat you like a piece of shit.

Why you can't see it is beyond me.

adora1 · 19/07/2016 15:49

Your biggest mistake is actually listening to him, he has proved to you over and over that he lies quite easily to you, why would now be any different.

Mozismyhero · 19/07/2016 16:03

Some nasty things being said on here OP. I think counselling is definitely something you should look into, even if it is just to give you the strength to move forward. Sending Flowers

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