AIBU "intruders" in laws

[OneAppleADay]

Hi
I live in a house with two entrances, the main one that leads to the hall and the back glass door that leads directly to the living room.
To get to the back door one has to open the gate to the garden and go around the house.
I am used to go around in comfortable clothes when I am home, like for example light clothes, no bra, just a t-shirt and VERY short shorts. So, the kind of clothes you don't want to be seen in.
The thing is, my BIL uses to show up without a notice (which is almost enough to annoy me), but also comes trough the back door, coming straight in as it is usually unlocked. What a terrible surprise. Last time I was just coming out from the shower and had zero clothes on me, apart from the towel.
Does it happen with everyone? I mean, is that an acceptable behavior?
AIBU to feel annoyed?

YANBU at all! Just after I had my son I had the same issue with a very persistant relative. I'd often nap same time as baby as he was a poor sleeper, if I ignored the door then said relative would go around the back, peer through windows and knock on those - I was even 'caught' hiding in the bathroom! In the end I text relatives partner (who is blood relative, other is just through marriage to blood relative) and said it must stop as I feel I have no privacy with the knocking on bathroom windows and peering in, I said I could have been having sex, changing a tampax or doing a shit! I stated from now on I would like a text to say if they are calling 'round. I HATE people 'popping 'round' without warning anyway, it's rude to encroach on someone like that, and like you OP I am often wandering around in shorts (with very hairy legs out) in my own home and would be mortified if someone caught me (and my legs) in shorts!

Thinkfast I wish I was like you. I just can't say things straight like that.
Maybe I should?

Maybe get a shop bell for the back gate rather than lock it if your dc liike to go in and out of it.

Hairy legs .
OMG, some people have no common sense, SemiNormal. How annoying!

You're complaining about people coming in to your house, yet you haven't once said "don't come into my house"?

WTF?

Yes, DH have said.

Your husband is Ok with this for him & that's fine.

What's not fine is him thinking that you should accept it.

Would he like your rellies walking in on him?

It is also his house of course, but if he isn't there then it's your rules imo.

What user said.

Why on earth have you not said anything?

It's normal where I'm from, the back door is the friend/neighbour door, the front door is the formal door - deliveries etc. If you go to the front door, it's a bit weird and unfriendly/formal of you, and the home owner would find it/you odd

But I get that it's not the norm where I live now, so I wouldn't dream of doing it.

This is one of those situations where I just cannot understand why people don't say what they mean.

You find your BIL unexpectedly in your living room? Surely you say 'oh my god BIL, you gave me such a fright, why didn't you ring the bell? I could have been naked!' ' No really, what I wear in the privacy of my own home and what I wear in company are not the same. I don't want people just wandering in. You may not value privacy but I really do. Ring the bell next time. Ok?'

My feeling about this behaviour is that it's fine for grown-up children to do this at welcoming parents' homes. Your BIL is treating you as a 'Mum' character. You're not his Mum.

Or, get dressed properly in the morning, so you're prepared for all eventualities!

I just can't comprehend your choice not to dress properly, knowing you have intrusive / informal relatives, while doing nothing to discourage them. It's as if you're just trying to set up a situation you can complain about. Is that the explanation, really?

MIL also came a couple of times through the back door when we first moved to that house, and I almost had a heart attack.

This was the point at which you should have had a meltdown and put a stop to it.

It is also his house of course, but if he isn't there then it's your rules imo

It is her house too so even when he isn't there, it's her rules.

Why don't you just tell him to use the front door like everyone else does????

I'd be more worried about burglars coming in and stealing stuff, sounds like it'd be easy for them to nip in as you leave door unlocked while in the shower.

Yes what your BIL does is annoying but you need to tell him. If he is used to being part of a family who just walk into each other's houses then he won't know you don't like it.

Also lock the door. You're lucky it's only your BIL walking in. I have several friends who have been burgled while they've been in by the burglars walking through an unlocked door

We have our doors unlocked most of the time we're in. And Im not fussed about surprise guests.They can take me as they find me and usually its only my family anyway.

However just in case someone else decided to make use of the unlocked door we also have a door alarm fitted that makes a noise when someone comes through the door. Its very handy when we're out in the garden or upstairs and have forgotten to lock the front door. No-one can sneak in without us knowing.
Maybe a small sound like a wind chime or even a creaking hinge would alert you in time ?

YANBU. Your DH should be able to understand your need for this not to happen, even if he can't see a problem with it - after all, he and his brother grew up together.

Maybe you should try to reverse the situation - go round to your BIL's, walk in to their place without announcing yourself, see how they like it?

But aside of that, yes, lock the side gate. Or put a fuck off big bell on it, so that at least you KNOW someone has opened it!

Our house is "open door" while we are at home - doesn't mean I want anyone just walking in! Luckily MIL does knock at least (she didn't used to but had a couple of narrow calls with her, so she does now); BIL knocks but if he doesn't get an answer he will go round the house looking in the windows etc. I have loose-lined curtains, so I keep the liner part closed most of the time, just in case. Can't bear the intrusiveness!

Nobody comes round here without a call first, you don't just invite yourself to somebodies house, how anti social.

Put a lock on the gate, inform him to call first, and keep your door locked, if bil can get in so can any other intruder.

I told MIL at once and she didn't do it again.
We also told BIL, I have written that before. He does know I don't like it.
And no, no unlocked door while showering. DH was downstairs while I showered that's why it was unlocked.
Why do I choose to go around in comfortable clothes at home? Because I have the right to...

I get why people leave front or back doors unlocked but even in those areas (my aunt's) people have been breaking in so personally I'd be keeping the back door firmlt locked. However if you need to compromise on that then at least lock the gate. Problem solved. I know people can climb over gates, but that doesn't seem to be a issue with you.

I dislike it when people turn up unannounced as I walk around in whatever is comfortable but I don't like to dress like that in front of anyone other than my DH and kids. Locking something would be your best bet.

Wear what you want. Fail to discourage BIL further if you want (you said you couldn't be do direct as to actually say something to him!). Accept the consequences.

Or, change one of the above behaviours.

Your behaviours, your choice. You value your right to passivity over privacy? Fine, your choice. Vice versa? Well then, speak up.

You should lock the gate for security reasons as well as your privacy. Most burglars are looking for a property that is easy to break into and unlocked gates or doors are perfect for them to nip in to steal a handbag, phone or laptop left in open view in a living room.

I would recommend getting a blind rather than a curtain across the back door because it would still allow light to come through while giving privacy.

YADNBU

lottiegarbanzo

Or, get dressed properly in the morning, so you're prepared for all eventualities!

I just can't comprehend your choice not to dress properly, knowing you have intrusive / informal relatives, while doing nothing to discourage them. It's as if you're just trying to set up a situation you can complain about. Is that the explanation, really?

This is like saying women in mini skirts and low cut tops are asking to be raped.

Um, no it's not.