Any single mums living with their parents?

[tommysmama]

I am a single mum with my 2yo DS. When me and his dad split up i went to live with my parents as ex is irish and had no family here to stay with so i had to be the one to move out.

As i work full time nights, i cant live on my own and so me and DS have to stay with my parents.

I hate it, they are briliant and so helpful, but sometimes to the point where i feel not in control of the decisions about DS. They are constantly telling me what to do and commenting on my decisions.

EG if DS does something i disapprove of, i will give him a row and sometimes my parents will say dont give him a row for that.. or they'll give him a row for something that i think is okay.

Also, they wont allow me to do 'adult' things (the whole 'not under my roof' situation) like bringing men home to stay the night (not that i'd do that a lot!), and i smoke but they disapprove so out of respect i wont go outside for a cigarette, and obv i dont smoke in the house, which is mnaking me extremely crabby.. i've been a smoker for ten years, need my nicotine!

I cant see any way out as if i quit work ill have no money to pay rent, but if i keep working i cant live on my own cos you cant get nightime childcare!

Is anyone else in this situation? Or any advice? i just feel stuck.

her bf stays over but he has got his own flat.

just found this: "The income thresholds are £13,480 if only Child Tax Credit is claimed, and £5,060 if Working Tax Credit is claimed. Above this level, maximum entitlement is reduced by 37p for every pound of excess income." So does that mean for WTC you aren't allowed to earn more than £13,675 a year?

sorry £18,735 a year. forgot to add a bit on.

yes, you have to earn less than £14k

Do you work full or part time?

ignore me i've worked it out totally wrong!!

My friend works PT, her & her dd on their own and she gets WTC and I'm sure she said £14k was about the cut off to receive WTC in addition to CTC.

i heard somewhere that if you work full time you have to be on less than £7 an hour to qualify. i'm only on minimum wage so that's fine.

you have to be over 25 to claim WTC!!!!!

sorry misread the intro, you do only have to be 16 if you have a child!!!! You have to work at least 16 hours per week!

just looked its 17.5k. definitely would never earn more than that atm even if i did full time hours.

I haven't read through all posts, but I live with my parents and I am 38! Is there anybody as OLD as I am living with their parents!? I have to say though that one of the worst things is what people think. The actually reality of it is fine for me.

I am going to read properly now.

your CTC & WTC together for the tax year just ended would be

Income Combine tax credit amount
5,0001 5,825
8,0002 5,275
10,000 4,760
15,000 2,910
20,000 1,060

presumably if you are paying for child care you may get childcare element on top.

madame - can i ask how much you pay a week?

To my parents? Well, not much, only 25 euro a week, but I'm on social welfare, and my parents are OK financially, so they help me out a lot. I'm sure my mum spends all of the money I give her buying things that the children need, plus, she lets me use the car whenever I like without ever paying towards petrol etc.

I am incredibly grateful to them, and Iknow that my children are better off growing up int his nice big house bythe sea with '3 parents' who love and care for them, but I understand why the OP is unhappy.

If I thought this was for ever, I would be so sad. I do crave my own house. HOW I will ever pay for that I don't know.

But hey ho. Half the world is starving and the other half is dying of AIDS so I try not to dwell on it too much.

I live with mine atm and have done for nearly 4.5 years Agree that the worst is what people think, they automatically assume that you're somehow less capable or chavvy for not having your own house.... although somehow 30-odd year old single men living at home is very acceptable - at least round here! Gets to me a bit sometimes, mainly not having as much space as I'd have on my own but in the end it's the best decision for me and dd.

If we were to move out we'd have to stay in B&B for ages (the housing situation is dire round here) which would be hell for my course and dd's school, or move into private acc, which would just end up putting me in debt (when it took me long enough to get out of it after divorcing ex-h).

My main worry is the next couple of years, when dd gets old enough to notice it more but I've set myself a target to move out before dd is 8, just after my degree finishes and I can start earning again. Even that sounds a bit depressing but that's the best I can do so it'll have to do.

The other thing people don't appreciate is it's not just a question of sponging off the GP's. My mum was very ill last year and (not blowing my own trumpet) my dad wouldn't have coped if I hadn't been here - living elsewhere and visiting them constantly would have been a killer. Also I do a lot for them on an everyday basis that they don't know how to do (or rather can't be bothered to learn), like sorting out finances. Plus they're very family obsessed orientated and they love being able to see dd every day.

madame and sonic are you allowed to have your lo's friends over to play?

I'm technically 'allowed' but there's very little private room in the house and my parents are a bit 'friendly' with people - ie, they have no social lives (i'm not joking) so anyone that comes to the house (including delivery men and the people who sell leccy door to door) are an instant target for mindless drivelling conversation - and so I prefer not to have anyone over for my own sanity. So far dd (not quite 5) seems happy enough doing her socialising at school and with the boy next door so it hasn't been a problem yet. If I want to see people or take her for 'playdates' I go to other people's houses or out to the park/caff etc.

I am allowed to have anybody over except MEN!! My Mum would die if she thought I was interested in finding a boyfriend, and for the moment I'm not looking so that's fine. But I would like to put feelers out in a little while no doubt. But living here it would be impossible.

I'm lucky though that I can invite friends over and have playdates for my children. My parents are both friendly but it can be embarrassing inviting people back to your parents house at 38, so I don't do it unless it's a good friend and they've always known me since before my split, or, if I owe a playdate..

Nappy, I read your post up above. I don't know how you cope. You must be so stressed out. My son broke 5 things in 3 days, and although I was a embarrassed, thankfully my mum just shrugged and said oh well. I don't know HOW you cope with it. Is a sofa going to come and visit her when she's in the nursing home . People first, things second.....

Sonicdeath, I know what you mean! I feel that people might think I was some kind of female Timothy Lumsden (if you are old enough to remember him).

I have my name down for a council house, but even when my name gets to the top of the list, I would have mixed feelings about leaving this lovely area and house because it wouldn't be the best thing for my children. BUT STILL I would LOVE to have my own place. Oh before I die I want to have my own place.....

I'm not old enough the first time round (nearly 26) but I'm the worst for watching 80's reruns so I know exactly what you mean! Yep, you get the feeling everyone thinks you sit between your parents on the sofa, watching the news and being made endless cups of tea .

I had my name down but when it came to renew it I didn't bother, my parents have just had a downstairs bedroom made for themselves which knocks me out of the 'overcrowding' clause and they're never going to say they'll kick me out so I'd be behind about 7,000 others for about 40 properties per year (figures NOT exaggerated!).

But yes, I LONG to have my own place. The space, the privacy, the silence . It WILL happen one day!

i said that to her. i was like but ds might break stuff and you don't say he can't live here. she said but that's different he's my grandson - he's not some random child i don't know from adam.

can anyone tell me when the CTC and WTC goes in the bank does it go in as two separate amounts or as one joint amount?