Any single mums living with their parents?

[tommysmama]

I am a single mum with my 2yo DS. When me and his dad split up i went to live with my parents as ex is irish and had no family here to stay with so i had to be the one to move out.

As i work full time nights, i cant live on my own and so me and DS have to stay with my parents.

I hate it, they are briliant and so helpful, but sometimes to the point where i feel not in control of the decisions about DS. They are constantly telling me what to do and commenting on my decisions.

EG if DS does something i disapprove of, i will give him a row and sometimes my parents will say dont give him a row for that.. or they'll give him a row for something that i think is okay.

Also, they wont allow me to do 'adult' things (the whole 'not under my roof' situation) like bringing men home to stay the night (not that i'd do that a lot!), and i smoke but they disapprove so out of respect i wont go outside for a cigarette, and obv i dont smoke in the house, which is mnaking me extremely crabby.. i've been a smoker for ten years, need my nicotine!

I cant see any way out as if i quit work ill have no money to pay rent, but if i keep working i cant live on my own cos you cant get nightime childcare!

Is anyone else in this situation? Or any advice? i just feel stuck.

you do know that the local council will help you with a bond....if not could you not get a budgeting loan???

that's what i'm worried about fawkeoff. in the time she didn't speak to you did she see the dc?

Nappy perhaps if you changed all the child benefit payments etc back into your name and bank account and stopped paying your mum rent she would evict you? You would end up in a bedsit for a while but it would be a means to an end?

fawkeoff can i use the budgetting loan for letting agency fees aswell?

no she didnt see dd at all, she only got in contact with me because my brother had died...if that hadnt happened then god knows how long it would have been.....yes you can use the budgeting loan for anything you want...you should be able to get a decent amount

and i agree you should not have the child benefit in your mothers name, get it put into yours, you are his mother....you will need to get all of this sorted before you move out

i am trying to change that. went to cab but they said they couldn't help me cos the person who could help me was on holiday for 2 weeks so i've got an appointment with them next week.

have you missed the child benefit at all....just asking because i have mine in a post office account, but i snapped the card so i am keepin the child benefit in there for christmas....really good way to save

dont miss it on a weekly basis but like last week i had to pay £415 car insurance and i had to wait 3 weeks without buying anything so i could save up each week's wages to pay for it. i already put some of my wages away to save each week but only had from january to march cos of xmas and had used some to pay off my overdraft.

what other benefits of yours is your Mum getting, it's not just child benefit is it, it's a lot more?

child benefit and CTC. i thought she was getting WTC - but apparently she doesn't hardly get any. i think she's lying though. i saw a letter last year stating that she did and i can't see why all of a sudden she wouldn't.

but the problem is without the WTC she only actually gets £65 a week which is pretty fair for board really. if i continue living there even if i do change it over i will still have to give her that amount so she won't have any reason to evict me.

why will you have to give it to her? You don't, you would because you want to fair & reasonable, don't pay her penny - you can save up your own deposit much more quickly. What can she do about it, evict you??????

oooh i like your thinking cargirl. but knowing my mum she still won't and then she will just tell everyone i am sponging off her (which will kinda be the truth) also i feel guilty about making ds homeless and making him live in a hostel when he could have a lovely house with a garden.

but your Mum is controlling your life, that is not healthy for you son! Get the money, don't pay her, save very hard, get your deposit & rent in advance and looking at moving straight into "nice" rented accommodation.

She is going to bad mouth you when you move out anyway, she won't be happy about it will she?

Sorry if that sounds harsh or I'm getting the wrong idea about your Mum, start saving and find out about the bond thing. I lived on my own with 1 dc in private rented, worked 10 hours per week, got housing benefit etc and it was fine, you can do it!

I moved back home when I was 8mo pg and stayed rather a long time!! At first it was nice having lots of pairs of hands around to help me, babysit etc but then I was being effectively over-ruled by other adults in the house as to how I treated my daughter . In the end, I found a flat nearby and moved out to re-establish the normal family bonds. It does have advantages but even more disadvantages. I think it would have been easier if my family had been more 'hands off' but they would hoe right i and interfere instad of letting me do stuff. So I'd feel undermined, get upset and there'd be a row. I even rowed with my sister one day as I was sorting out bits to take out for hte day and as I put them down, she took them away. Everytime I turned around, my heap of stuff had gone. She'd stowed them in the car. She'd meant to be helpful but I actually felt insulted, feeling as though she'd taken over - as well as confused as I started running around looking for them again . All she had to was say "La Com, I've put the pram in the car for you," but she didn't. So then I looked ungrateful to my parents when really I wanted to be treated as an adult!! If I did ask her to take a step back, she would then create a scene to make it look like my fault for being a crabby younger sister making a fuss instead of a new Mum trying to establish some boundaries with my own child. A good example would be my dd would cry and she'd rush up the stairs to get there first or burst in my room when I was in bed to draw the curtains before rushing to the cot to hang over the side of it, or telling me off for virtually failing to levitate through the floorboards at my daughter's first cry, not giving me time to even walk up the stairs.

i think i could probably save up enough in 3 months. the only thing i worry about doing that is would it bump me down the council list? would prefer to end up in a council house or housing association one cos they can't just chuck you out every 6 or 12 months.

sounds like you would be better off going into a hostel then to get a council/HA place, really what is a few months (hopefully) of living in grotsville for the long terms interests of getting a home for you & your son. do you really think your mum would stop you visiting her and using the garden?

Perhaps you can claim that the relationship has broken down between you and your Mum, I guess speaking to the CAB person would be helpful. Still first step get the CTC and CB paid into your name. Surely you would get WTC if you work 16 hours or more and earn a low amount? Surely you can ring up and find out/look on the on-line calculator thingy?

housework - what length contracts did you have?

If your Mum is claiming and your all live with your Dad as well (and he works) perhaps your mum doesn't get WTC but if you claim for you and your son you should, have you used one of the calculator things?

we don't live with my dad.

Does your mum work?

Doesn't her bf/your stepdad live there or has he gone?