Any single mums living with their parents?

[tommysmama]

I am a single mum with my 2yo DS. When me and his dad split up i went to live with my parents as ex is irish and had no family here to stay with so i had to be the one to move out.

As i work full time nights, i cant live on my own and so me and DS have to stay with my parents.

I hate it, they are briliant and so helpful, but sometimes to the point where i feel not in control of the decisions about DS. They are constantly telling me what to do and commenting on my decisions.

EG if DS does something i disapprove of, i will give him a row and sometimes my parents will say dont give him a row for that.. or they'll give him a row for something that i think is okay.

Also, they wont allow me to do 'adult' things (the whole 'not under my roof' situation) like bringing men home to stay the night (not that i'd do that a lot!), and i smoke but they disapprove so out of respect i wont go outside for a cigarette, and obv i dont smoke in the house, which is mnaking me extremely crabby.. i've been a smoker for ten years, need my nicotine!

I cant see any way out as if i quit work ill have no money to pay rent, but if i keep working i cant live on my own cos you cant get nightime childcare!

Is anyone else in this situation? Or any advice? i just feel stuck.

or could you not pick him up in the morning after work and take him back in the evening before work? least then you'd get all day with him and he'd just be sleeping at you parents?

or instead of working five 9 night shifts, how about doing a few all day ones, perhaps on the days ds' dad has him?

or instead of working five 9 night shifts, how about doing a few all day ones, perhaps on the days ds' dad has him?

My night shifts are 6pm-5am

I am doing 11am-5am fri, sat and sun at the moment so that i can have 3 days off during the week. I do one other nightshift.

As for picking him up in the mornings, i get home around half 5 and he gets up around 7 so it means me getting no sleep. I did this for a week and collapsed with exhaustion and had to take a weekend off work, unpaid..

Oh - and the nanny thing is fully out of the question, i assume they are a couple of hundred pounds a week, and i dont earn anywhere near enough to cover that, rent and bills. my savings are very low and i am trying to hold onto them for the future, either for a mortgage eventually or for DS when he is at school, things like uniforms etc..

If this industry is fickle and you don't work in it for long, then it sounds as though you would be better off changing careers now. Especially if the pay isn't that great. What are your long term plans?

I can't help but feel that you and your ds would be better off if you switched to something that would mean you could live together.

No its not that you cant work in the industry for long, i intend to buy my own bar eventually (partly what im saving for!) and so to keep earning the money and make a name for myself, i need to work in the more 'respected' establishments. And the money os okay, its only when you get to top level that the money is outstanding, I've already moved down a level as the job commands 80-90 hours a week, impossible for a single mummy! Its what i did before DS was born.

I could go and work in a normal pub,rather than a style bar, but the money is a lot lower.. plus i've won prestigious awards and I dont want to give it all up.

And - realistically, if i did give it all up and get a daytime job in an office or something, i have no experience or qualifications in this field, so would need to go in earning bottom end, and I cant see that this would earn me enough to pay rent, bills, food AND full time chilcare!

I prolly will be soon as DH has just announced he'd like to split up

just bumping this cos needing a bit of support right now. anyone about?

im ok just had a bit of a barmy with my mum and needed to vent but it doesn't matter now.

can i ask how much board did you pay when you lived with your parents? were you allowed other mums around so your lo could play with other children?

the same sort of things, not cooking so much cos i quite enjoy doing that and cook a lot. housework cos i think things should be done once a week at the most and she thinks they should be done once a day. she moans i don't help out enough but she expects me to just know what needs doing without her telling me. that would be fair enough but as she cleans everything every day whenever i look in my eyes nothing actually needs doing!! i've told her if she tells me what she wants me to do i will do it but i'm not a blardy mind reader!!

the thing that's getting to me at the moment is that she doesn't let me have any of ds' friends to come and play. she said he's too young (21 months) to want friends to come and play and it's me that just wants to chat to their mum. that is true and he doesn't actually ask to have his little friend over obviously but when he sees him he gets really excited. he gets really bored on his own and frustrated and whinges etc, but when there's other children round he's such a happy little soul - he loves it.

how old were your dc when you lived there?

on the council list and the local letting agent keep sending me their housing lists but so far there's been nothing suitable where the landlord/lady will except housing benefit. mum won't evict me cos she doesn't want ds to move out. have asked her many times to write to the council and she won't didn't want to go to the doctor cos i'm worried they will think i can't cope. hv has already been involved with social services cos my mum's been making crap up about me so don't want to fuel that as they seem to have forgotten about me for the time being. she says she doesn't want random toddlers running around breakin things. like i'd let them do that! i've already said they will stay in playroom where there's virtually nothing to break but ds' toys anyway but she still won't agree. says she doesn't want the wear and tear whatever that means.

seesm very unfair that she does not want you to leave, but also does not want you to be happy there. answer might be to go to other friends's houses and groups outside the home, and spend as little time there as possible?

i do that already but when the weathers crap we have to stay in on our own also in the holidays there aren't any groups on. thought about saying if you want ds to keep living here i should be allowed to do things i want to do but she knows i have nowhere to go anyway.

my dad could maybe do it but he's 69 so i don't know if they'd let him?

she is tbh. earlier she said i love ds more than anyone. then when i said erm excuse me but you do not love my son more than i do. and then tried to say that wasn't what she had meant.

it can be very isolating and depressing being in for days with a toddler. will she 'let' you do things like water play , baking, sand play etc with him?

it sounds like she wishes that he were her DS

i hijacked this thread a while go - it sort of explains what my mum is like

yes she lets him do waterplay and i do painting, drawing, cooking with him on my days off cos my mum finds those activites too messy.

the problem is with the deposit though. i don't know anyone who could lend me the money. could i get a credit card and pay for it that way?

i had to move back in with mym mum as soon as i had DD for 6 months...it was horrendous, she didnt want me to move out in then end....then got really hurtful when i did so we didnt speak for about 9 months after..... the thing with parents is they cant come to terms with the fact that you are now an adult with your own child to bring up....they still feel that they have the right to invade you because your are their child.

you do know that the local council will help you with a bond....if not could you not get a budgeting loan???