Can someone give me the honest truth about what makes a man choose you?

[theoldfourtwenty]

Hi

Can anyone give me the honest truth about what you think makes a man choose a certain woman? why their husband chose them?

I think I have a bit of a worry that it is all looks / body orientated at the outset and do you think that is true?

I am seeing someone new, and as a size 16 I really like him and feel truly paranoid that my body is not good enough / not what men want - but he seems to not notice. Seems to think am perfect.

Am I being unkind here or are men just not as shallow as I think?

Not sure why I see them as shallow, but definitely grew up in a house where women's looks were the most important thing about her and I am not sure if that is just realistic or really distorted.

I look all the time at men in magazines, and they are all married to model types. You don't seem to see many male movie stars paired up with a slightly chubby housewife who might be kind and very funny.

Can anyone give me the real truth on this...are there genuinely men in the world who would love you for your personality over anything else?

This man I am seeing could have his pick of anyone and I feel a bit confused over why that choice seems to be me.

[LineyReborn]

OP, if you're happy with your DP then just go for it. Your parents sound really hard work and quite damaging actually.

[sykadelic]

I'm a shoulder girl myself :P

My DH is so broad. It sounds weird to say he's hot from behind but when I see him from behind with his shirt pulled tight across his strong broad shoulders... damn... sexy as hell. Of course he's also really funny, very protective, very masculine (I'm no fine boned female so it's important that "my man" is bigger and stronger than me), loves me and finds me sexy (odd man :P).

Of course I occasionally tell him he's lucky to have me, and vice versa, but we both know we're lucky and we don't take each other for granted (VERY important). We totally get what we're lucky enough to have in the other.

[itmustbemyage]

My DH went out with someone who had won a major beauty competition before we met. I was a size sixteen single mum when we met, looks are definitely not everything. He said he feel in love with my confidence and the way I laughed. We have been together 25 years.

[Confusednotcom]

OP it sounds like your parents have really affected your perception of what's important to a partner. If you feel your DP is getting exasperated by you not feeling good (slim) enough, then I'd consider counselling or minimum looking for books that might help you up your self esteem and change your family taught negative thought patterns.

[TinySalmon]

Oh dear OP please don't think like this!

I've definitely sabotaged relationships in the past with other men because I thought they were out of my league (uber wealthy or very good looking) and thought women would just look at me like "why did he pick YOU?!"

So my only advice is if he is happy and you are happy, please don't find excuses ( like your weight or appearance) to leave him. I've done this too often and it's always me left feeling hurt x

[goddessoftheharvest]

Honestly? My DH and I connected on many levels- intellectually, culturally blah de blah

But looks wise, I'm not sure he's got over my tits yet I expect he'll notice the stretchmarks and big nose around 2020....

[GissASquizz]

It's not looks, it's chemistry. It's the curve of a smile or the glint in an eye. Chemicals and biology.

[IreallyKNOWiamright]

Why is there so much bitterness towards 'us' skinny ones. Have you ever thought we might want to be a bit bigger?? I have noticed this all over social media and I think people do need to accept themselves for who they are.

[fatcathatmat]

OP, trust me, lots of women are a size 10 and feel exactly the same way about themselves as you do. You sound absolutely fantastic. You also sound head over heels in love- that feeling of 'how could this perfect person like ME?' Is a dead giveaway.

The best advice I can give is: if a really wonderful perfect person chose you, that's really good evidence that you are something really special, and he's just recognising how great you are. Don't let your whole self esteem rest on him, but try and remind yourself that he chose you because you're great, not because he's made any kind of mistake!

[Oddsocksgalore]

My boyfriend told me it was my face that caught his attention the first time he say me and he noticed my boobs.

Recently we had a little bad patch and he told me I was the best girlfriend that he's ever had and that he loves many things about me. Said I'm intelligent, hard working and he likes how I treat other people. He didn't mention a single physical thing about me.

He doesn't like skinny women as he thinks a woman should have a shape.

Sometimes I tell him not to touch my fat bits and he says what fat bits, it's just you.

There are so many men that like curves op so don't worry about it.

[Gabilan]

You can be skinny and have a shape, it isn't either/or.

Anyway, OP, looks are often important but men and women are attracted to many different body shapes. It does sound as if your parents have convinced you that only one female body type is acceptable - this simply isn't true.

[April229]

I think you have been taught only one type of woman is attractive and you are struggling to believe that it's not true. Many men love curves, why can't you believe your man is one of them.

Marilyn Munroe was size 16 and it's hard to think of a more desirable woman. It's how you carry it.

Dress in a way that makes your shape look great, whatever it is, and be more confident.