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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My mother has lost me a friend:-(

71 replies

SpaceCadet · 23/01/2007 20:04

as ive only lived round here a few months, ive been trying really hard to get to know people and for a couple of months now ive been very friendly with one person in particular, we chat every day and meet at toddler group. she told me a bit about herself and informed me that she was following a particular career path(im trying not to say too much in case she lurks on here), shes kept me up tpdate on her chosen career and is starting a training course soon, naturally ive mentioned her to my mum in passing and yesterday at the school, i introduced my mum to her and my mum said, oh yes you are the lady who is going to be xx.
at which point she suddenly became really hostile, cut my mum dead and then was really off with me.
today i couldnt beleive it when she totally blanked me!!!!..obviously my mums comment upset her and now she doesnt want to know..im shell shocked really..what did i/my mum do wrong?

OP posts:

FioFio · 23/01/2007 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Saturn74 · 23/01/2007 20:07

Sounds a bit strange.
Unless xx is something that she wouldn't want people to know about?
If not, I can't see what either of you have done wrong.
Can you phone this friend to ask what the problem is?

Pennies · 23/01/2007 20:08

Is she training to do sexy telephone chat lines or something a bit risque? Sounds like it's her problem and your mum did nothing wrong, neither did you.

Original poster

SpaceCadet · 23/01/2007 20:08

thank you fio...i didnt think i had..my poor mum keeps apologising and feels terrible about it

OP posts:

Original poster

SpaceCadet · 23/01/2007 20:10

oh what the heck..shes going into the police force as a community support officer but shes been talking openly with me about it at school and toddlers..i could understand if she was training to be a lap dancer!
i dont know her phone number..only her email address.

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scatterbrain · 23/01/2007 20:12

Sounds very strange - surely she should be flattered that (a) you liked her enough to mention her to your mum and (b) your mum was interested enough to remember that detail about her !

She sounds flakey to me ! No-one in their right mind could be offended by someone being interested in them surely !!

Although I have just remembered something that may be relevant ! My friend's mum once met my aunt in town - they knew each other vaguely - on "say Hello terms" - anyway this day my aunt was in a chatty mood and stopped to ask after family etc - and my friends mum said something along the lines of "Oh I hear you've got a new job at the hospital" - well my aunt was furious with me for talking about her business to strangers ! Still think this is weird and it did happen over 20 yrs ago - but maybe that's the problem - she thinks you have been talking about her !!!

Maybe give her a call and explain that you hadn't been talking about her - just telling your mum about her as someone you hoiped to be friends with !

luckylady74 · 23/01/2007 20:13

How upsetting for you - i think you deserve an explanation and to be treated in a mature way -blanking should be left to teenagers!

Tortington · 23/01/2007 20:15

shes clearly a fruit - ignore and move on to people who arn't so anally retentive and anjoy vodka and balloons and monkey jokes.

Original poster

SpaceCadet · 23/01/2007 20:16

scatterbrain..thats the only thing I can think of..that she thinks ive been talking about her..dont know how to address it, I dont know her phone number, only her email, shall I go up to her at the school and ask if ive done something to upset/offend her?? than she can explain(hopefully)

OP posts:

Caligula · 23/01/2007 20:16

Sorry she sounds like a nutter and not worth getting upset about.

Life's too short to litter it up with people like that - agree with luckylady, blanking is not for civilised adults, you don't need to be friends with someone who goes in for such naff behaviour.

Pennies · 23/01/2007 20:19

I enjoy vodka, balloons and monkey jokes.

Original poster

SpaceCadet · 23/01/2007 20:19

custys reply made me chuckle!

so the general consensus is that shes not worth worrying about?

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scatterbrain · 23/01/2007 20:26

I'd email her - coz I am a coward !

I'd say quite honestly that you are very upset that she is blanking you and very confused ! You are new in town and were really hoping she liked you and that you hoped you were going to be friends. You thought her new job was so interesting that you'd told your mum about her. Say that you can understand that she might think that you'd been gossiping about her, but you want to explain that you'd only talked to your mum about her as you really liked her !

Say you're not a gossip and you value her friendship - and wonder if you could meet up to talk about this ?

That's if you do care !! She might be a bit high maintenance if you ask me !

Good luck !

Original poster

SpaceCadet · 23/01/2007 20:27

well i wont bother asking her what ive done wrong etc, am jarred off now as i wont be able to go to toddlers anymore as its only a small group.

OP posts:

scatterbrain · 23/01/2007 20:29

Course you can go to toddlers - she doesn't own the group !!! She's the slightly insane one - not you !!!

Chin up chicken !

Original poster

SpaceCadet · 23/01/2007 20:29

scatterbrain, i think thats why we both got on so well, as we were both new to the area, she had even been emailing me house details as shes looking to move house and she wanted me to see the proprtys she was interested in.

im worried that if i email her, shell think im a complete fruitcake.

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scatterbrain · 23/01/2007 20:36

Can you face facing her ?? I couldn't as I hate confrontation - but if you can that would probably be the way to go !

You could make the email less gushy of course - how about "Dear x, I'm not sure why you blanked me today but I am rather worried about it. I thought we were getting on so well ! I am wondering whether you were angry that I had told my mum about your new job ? I am sorry if you are - I am not a gossip but my mum was interested in my new friend and I thought your job sounded really exciting. I can only apologise if that is what has made you angry with me. "

hoolagirl · 23/01/2007 20:38

I'd email but leave out the apology.
You haven't done anything wrong.
Its her who should be apologising for this dreadful behaviour.

nappyaddict · 23/01/2007 20:41

don't get why she would be upset about your mum mentioning that tbh.

have you asked her what she is upset about?

Original poster

SpaceCadet · 23/01/2007 20:48

nappyaddict, no i didnt get a chance as she totally ignored me so i just walked away rather shocked.

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KezzaG · 23/01/2007 20:53

I would email her but just something casual along the lines of....saw you today outside school, but I dont think you saw me, are you gong to toddlers this/next week, hope to see you then.

Then if she doesnt reply you can file her under nutter and move on.

Hopefully it will give her a chance to come back with a friendly response, just in case she did overreact and has now calmed down.

LittleBoSheep · 23/01/2007 20:56

She sounds hard work to me but I would send her a mail along the lines of "Im very sorry I seem to have upset you as I thought we were friends and would never have done it deliberately"...its such HARD work to avoid someone!

I wonder if she told you a fib about applying for the job to make herself more interesting.

hoolagirl · 23/01/2007 20:58

That sounds like a possibility Littlebosheep.
Explains the outrageous reaction.

Original poster

SpaceCadet · 23/01/2007 20:58

damn, i cant even email her as i cant find her email address, oh well never mind.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpaceCadet · 23/01/2007 21:00

LBS-well if thats the case then shes been telling a catalogue of lies as shes talked endlessly for months about the interviews, health checks, medicals etc, she has even got her uniform ..and apparently shes starting in march.

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