Would you let your partner do this?

[Kruckshany]

Me and OH have been together 4 years. We have a DS 1yo.

He has always liked gaming and other than work it's really his only social circle (he sees these people outside of gaming too but it's the thing that connects them all iyswim)

The PC is in our bedroom (only place it will really work out properly) but he plays this game loudly talking over mic from about 9pm-1/2am. Meaning I have moved into the spare room to get sleep.

In all other ways he's a fantastic father and partner but it's driving me mad. He feels like has compromised because we spend from 7pm-9pm together. It makes me feel really crappy that he doesn't care it's made me move rooms. (He refuses to sleep in the spare room because he doesn't like the bed )

What would you do?

Do you mean every night, once a week, or somewhere in between? I have an awful feeling you're going to say every night.

I don't like the way you say he feels he has compromised by spending 7-9pm with you... how nice of him! It makes it sound as if he'd rather be gaming at that time too.

And it should no way be in the bedroom let alone driving you out. If he'd prefer his games in the bedroom rather than you that indicates he loves them more - I'm sure he wouldn't want you to think that?

He takes one or occasionally two nights off a week and will then act like he is being so gracious to do so

He has done a bloody good job at convincing me I was being a selfish cow.

We have had argument after argument over this. I've threatened to leave numerous times.

5 nights a week? 4 hours a night until 1am? He's a fucking selfish man child and he'd be fucking off out of my house and seeing how he liked only having his games and his sad mates for company if he were mine.

Nah that's far too often IMO. And, again, I say that as a gamer myself...

This is a hobby, fair enough. But no cunt gets to do their hobby every evening for 4 hours when they have a partner and children, and don't get me started on the unbelievable selfishness of monopolising your bedroom all evening/late into the night so you have to sleep elsewhere. Seriously- does his gaming mean more than his family? Because it's getting to be decision time.

I too wouldn't be in a relationship with somebody who spent time playing with toys like a child. This is how I see gamers I'm afraid. i think they need to grow up and have some responsibility tbh.
If he was doing this when you met, then what do you expect.
Fantastic father and partner? I'd gain more taste tbh.
Sorry, probably not what you want to hear, but you need a partner not another child.

I'm a gamer but there's no way I'd put my computer or consoles in the bedroom, I get fed up of a TV being in there sometimes.

So five nights a week, sometimes more, you're turfed out because he wants to play till 1am? Completely unacceptable. That's just fucking selfish.

Can you get a signal booster so it can go in the spare room? There is no way you should have to go to the spare room because he wants to do something completely for him.

DH and I both have our hobbies, and sometimes I stay up after him because I want to finish what I'm working on. But I stay up in a different room so the light doesn't keep him awake, and he does the same in reverse if he's staying up. Because that's being considerate of each other.

He's being completely out of line.

Nope, I wouldn't be hanging around. That would do my head in actually! Swap beds or put the pc in another room but that's not the issue is it? The issue is you want some time with him and he doesn't. Why not?

And it's not a case of 'letting' him. It's about have a fair and equal relationship, with respect for each other, including the other person's right to sleep.

They have time together. It's the sleep that's an issue.

This is how I see gamers I'm afraid. i think they need to grow up and have some responsibility tbh.

You're aware you can be a gamer and also be grown up with responsibilities? Like any hobby it's perfectly possible to allocate only a certain amount of time to it...

A gamer is someone who regularly plays games. Not necessarily someone who obsesses daily over COD or World of Warcraft...

I would explain it by asking him to imagine that gaming was something else. Would he really expect you to accept him playing football / golf / gym / pub 5 nights a week for 4/5 hours, until 1am? Because gaming is just as unsociable as all those things!

Also, whichever bed is more comfortable, put that (and anything else you want) in the spare room and make it yours! If he's not going to change, make your bedroom his game room and the 'spare' room becomes your haven.

I'm not condoning his behaviour at all
But there's no need to be so judgemental
about gamers excused by "this is how I see gamers I'm afraid".

I'm a gamer, I have a fulltime job, a wife, house and other responsibilities.

Gotta love the sneery fuckers

Another one here that's also a gamer, with a full-time job, mortgage and so on.

However, I do think he's being very inconsiderate with his hobby. The gaming is not the issue, it's how he's putting it before you.

6 nights per week, from 9 to 2? I'm genuinely curious when he actually has the time to improve on his career perspectives, do his share at home and be a good husband and father on top? There isn't enough time.

Would he really expect you to accept him playing football / golf / gym / pub 5 nights a week for 4/5 hours, until 1am? - no, ask him if he would accept if you were in a pub 6 nights per week, and woke him up every night when coming home, so he couldn't use the bedroom.

Gaming is such an unattractive 'hobby' - so often on here 'gamer' and 'selfish twat' seem interchangeable

Don't keep threatening to leave - if you really mean it give him an ultimatum and stick to it - every time you don't leave after a threat he sees that he can keep doing what he wants.

Totally unacceptable behaviour - my DH has a bit of form for this sort of thing - watching films in bed on his iPad rather than gaming, but similar.

Mostly he watches downstairs now linked to the big TV but still so effing loudly I have to keep trotting down to ask him to turn down the volume

Moving the beds is the simplest short-term solution here then moving houses

Every night he does this? That's very unreasonable. Compromise to x number of nights a week?

What do you do socially or for a hobby?

It sounds awful OP, and I wouldn't be with him anymore.

Wow, a mighty fuck you to those saying gamers are not "grown up adults".

DP and I are both avid gamers and spend a lot of our time together gaming, however we do listen to each other and if he or I aren't in the mood to play games we will do something else.

I do think it's unacceptable of him to flat out refuse to compromise, but it is his hobby.
He just needs to find somewhere else in the house to do it

Nowt wrong with being a gamer, but he has the balance all wrong. It's not gaming that means he needs to grow the fuck up, it's his attitude towards prioritising time with you.

You can get a wifi booster (or even use old fashioned cables for network connection - that's what we do) for the PC to work at the back of the house. And letting your DS get to the PC shouldn't be an issue if it's password locked - dcs never had access to ours without permission even though it is in the lounge.

Im a gamer, i love video games. Ive put over 100hours into GTAV on the ps4.

Finny thing is, ive strangely managed this whilst keeping my house clean, keeping my daughtr fed, bthed, clothed, happy, keeping my GF looked after and cared for, managed to sit every night with my gf and watch American Horror Story. Etc

Games are a hobby, a hobby is done in spare time, not at the cost of partner, child, family, work, housework etc.

Do wi-fi boosters not exist where you live? Just go down to bloody Maplins. Or ring your internet provider, they'll send you out one. No way in Hell is that signal problem unfixeable but I suspect he wants to let you believe it is cos this way he "has" to have the nice main bedroom.

I've threatened to leave nurmerous times. So he sees you as The Wife Who Cries Wolf. He doesnt for a second believe you'll leave. Maybe you should actually go through with it one of these days........