I wanted a threesome. Now I don't. Now he's kicking off

[amyc88]

Me and my OH discussed having a threesome so we decided to have a joint account on this website.

After several failed attempts at getting someone to meet us, and me losing interest in the idea and deciding I just want this to be me and him...he's kicking off

He says this was all my idea and now I've changed my mind. I only think about what I want and not what he wants. He says I'm controlling the whole situation.

I don't understand why he even thinks it's okay to kick off at something that was initially my idea! How can he even have the balls to do that?!

I'm not saying I'm completely off the idea but at this moment in time I have a lot going on, I don't want to do it right now, but he just kicks off whenever I say not now.

I don't know what to do. I've told him, at this present time I'm enjoying doing things with him, not putting energy into finding or speaking to women off a site for them to let us down again.

He just doesn't understand. No matter how I say it.

Why would you search online for someone to have a threesome with? You don't know them or anything about them.

That's what you take from this? not the partner "kicking off" if the OP retracts sexual consent!

But as you asked, I imaged that not knowing them is the point, not everyone would wanna experiment in this way with someone they're going to bump into socially

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected

Firstly yes I do, anything else comes after.

Arrange a threesome with another man.

All is fair in love and war

Arrange a threesome with another man. All is fair in love and war

or, you know, just engage in sexual activity that you enjoy at the time…

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected

It does matter if the OP's OH had to be coerced in to it.

He sounds like a nasty coercive prick and I would advise you to dump his sorry arse and find someone who is nice and respectful towards you.

Arrange a threesome with another man. All is fair in love and war

And what if Op's OH says OK?

3 / 4 times a year we have a MFM 3 some, it's good fun. But if I am honest, I probably continue in the hope that at some point we have a MFF 3 some. Actually it's probably more accurate to say if we stopped I wouldn't complain

Sorry I didn't realise that you wanted to arrange it with another man really thought it was a woman, who's idea was all of this?

OP I just advanced searched your user name.

You partner is regularly using weed. He doesn't understand your anxieties. He's been looking for other people on dating sites. Now, he is coercing you into a threesome.

Dump him pronto. This relationship is never going to be happy.

Good point.

Your idea of a threesome was because he is already looking for other people and you wanted to make your relationship "work", or was it of completely free will?

oh my - I remember your previous threads. Why on earth are you still with him Amy?? This is crazy. He is awful and you deserve so much more than this. Have a word with yourself! And I suggest counselling to work out why your self esteem is on the bloody floor. I dread to think what you saw growing up to make you believe this is a good relationship?

The advice given to you in August 2015 was sound. LTB.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2448471-My-guy-got-caught-out-Now-what

Just read that post, it sounds like a story.

One can change their mind, but you can't control another person not being put out by it.

Whether it's sex or going on holiday or buying a new item.... you can decide not to do those things even if you previously agreed - but it's unrealistic to expect the other person to feel overjoyed or not to be upset about it.

I'm sure if the roles were reversed he'd be called a selfish bastard or stupid prick for getting her hopes up.

I'm sure if the roles were reversed he'd be called a selfish bastard or stupid prick for getting her hopes up.

No, No he wouldn't

He's not a bit disappointed, he's "kicking off" at her.

Where were you looking for a partner? Was it on Fabswingers?

If so, why don't you suggest that he start a thread on their message boards saying that his partner has gone off the idea of a threesome and how can he persuade her to do it.

I guarantee he will get absolutely ripped to shreds. I've lurked on those boards and seen a few threads like that and those men get their arses handed to them on a plate.

Swinging/threesomes can only work if a relationship is strong and everyone consents at every stage. The men who think they can coerce an unwilling partner into group sex are told very firmly to fuck off and sort their existing relationship out.

Just read that old thread. Is it the same bloke then? Because if it is, then you're not going to listen to any of the advice on here, just like you didn't last time.

If it's a different one, and you did actually dump the sorry loser from that old thread, then please listen this time around as well and dump this sorry loser.

Then go and do the Freedom programme, find some sort of Assertiveness course and get some self esteem, so that the next bloke you find is actually a nice one.

He is right in a way you are controlling the situation. First you want it and he agrees and then you don't so it can't happen.

However you are well within your rights to change your mind. Just as you are in your right to dump him if he continues to use it against you.