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My guy got caught out. Now what?

(136 Posts)
amyc88 Fri 14-Aug-15 00:54:09

So I've been seeing this guy for about 4-5 months...everything was absolutely great until this...

One morning I woke up (he stayed at mine the night before) and we were in bed and I woke up pretty early (6:30am) anyway...I got up and make a coffee and our clothes were thrown all over the living room from the previous night. I went and picked all our clothes up and got his hat and picked up his trainers which he had his hat on top of. When I picked up his trainers I noticed his phone was in one of his shoes so I took it out and walked back into the bedroom. When I put his phone on the side a 'tinder match' notification popped up on his mobile...I instantly felt sick. I confronted him about it straight away and he said he never uses it and that it was probably from ages ago...anyway...that was that

After this things started getting weird, he didn't text much or came to see me for a whole week and then went on this lads holiday. While he was away we spoke a few times but nothing major. Anyway I noticed when he came back off holiday he had become friends with all these girls on Facebook which I didn't question. The day after he got back he was dying to see me...so he came round and we spoke about what had happened the week before he went away and he just said he had a lot of family problems going on etc and didn't want to let me down or upset me. Anyway so I then asked him if anything happened on his holiday and he said yes he kissed a few girls and that was it, nothing else...so I didn't like what he told me but other than that we seemed to be back to how we were.

Anyway a few weeks pass and a friend of mine sent me a screen shot of his plenty of fish profile showing he had updated pictures from his holiday on there and also he was online that day. He had also updated his tinder account pictures.

So I spoke to him. AGAIN and he said he doesn't know why he did it blah blah blah so me being the fool I said to him well look if you want to be with me delete it...he said he would...he didn't.

I reached breaking point after a few days and I told him straight...and I said...you clearly don't want to be with me, you make no effort, you're still on online dating etc. anyway he suggested we go away for the night to get away from our home town and talk and sort things out

So we went away and we stayed in a nice hotel, went out for food and had a few drinks. While the drinks were flowing I said to him, 'why are you so sneaky with your phone' and he said 'what do you mean?' So I was like 'whenever you're with me you put your phone into flight mode' and he said because when I'm with you I don't want to be disturbed.

Anyway jokingly when he was scrolling through his phone I snatched it off him and went to click on whatsapp. Well...I've never seen someone dive on top of me so quick to get his phone back he was on me like a rash trying to get it back. In the end I gave it to him and he was like 'you never take a guys phone' we make a joke of it but I knew he was hiding something. He carried on to tell me how 'I want to be with you, I really like you, your the only girl I speak to, you really make me happy' in the back of my mind I was still thinking...what you're saying is nice but you're definitely hiding something

Anyway so the night finishes were both pretty drunk...go back to the hotel and fall asleep. I wake up the next morning and he's fast asleep!

I just knew I had to check what he was so paranoid about with this phone!

So being stupid I grabbed it and went into the toilet, locked myself in and I remembered his passcode from the night before.

As soon as I opened the phone I instantly felt sick at what I could end up seeing. So I opened messages and I didn't find much on text. I then opened up whatsapp...well...it was like a fanny fest! Message after message to girls, dirty talk, you name it! Sex memes being sent etc I was nearly physically sick!

I was looking through this phone for a good hour and I came out of the toilet and I was shaking. He was still asleep. I slammed the door shut to make sure I woke him up and I threw the phone at him and started screaming. He didn't know what was going on at first and I just told him straight. He told me he was never going to go through with any of it and I'm the girl he wants to be with and he doesn't want to lose me over this etc etc...

Anyway I managed to calm down and I came home not much was said on the way home except he kept looking at me. And I was sat there in tears just crying. He was lost with what to do

Anyway so we came back to mine and we spoke a little and I just said. If you want to be with me. Delete everything and he did...right infront of me he deleted everything.

Anyway since then I'm just finding myself constantly kicking off with him, finding a reason to bring it up, questioning him on all sorts and he's doing nothing to prove to me it is me he wants. He just sees it as...you went through my phone I'm not arsed.

I don't know what to make of it all because he's not even showing me or proving to me that h wants to be with me. We always speak but there is nothing there that makes me think...wow he's making so much effort here he must want me!

We've had a big argument today and he said he's annoyed with me that I'm always on his case and he can't be doing with it...

I don't know what to do...someone please help me figure this out!

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Fri 14-Aug-15 00:59:04

sounds hopeless, forget it

startagainonmonday Fri 14-Aug-15 01:00:19

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Fri 14-Aug-15 01:01:56

I think 4-5 months of sporadic dating is much too quick to be so vigilant about his phone activity (shouldn't be worth a check at all if things were going well)

Cut your losses & move on OP

NoArmaniNoPunani Fri 14-Aug-15 01:02:40

Just end it, sounds awful

heliumvoice Fri 14-Aug-15 01:03:16

Why the fuck are you putting up with this? Where's your self respect? Get rid of him.

Walkacrossthesand Fri 14-Aug-15 01:03:54

Look, your guy didn't get 'caught out' - he's rotten to the core, capable of looking you in the eye and swearing you're the only one for him, while doing all the online things you found in his phone. He's a lost cause. 'Delete everything if you want to be with me' is meaningless - you can't delete his lying, cheating soul.

Time to let him go, I think. No further figuring required

goddessofsmallthings Fri 14-Aug-15 01:04:10

The only thing you need to figure out is when you're going to send the text that will let him know you've dumped him.

I suggest you do it sooner rather than later and also get yourself checked out at a GUM clinic as this skank may have given you an sti or 10.

AskBasil Fri 14-Aug-15 01:05:48

FGS, just LTB.

What the fuck do you want with a prick like this?

You don't have to be with a man, you know.

wafflyversatile Fri 14-Aug-15 01:06:19

What's to figure out. You split up with him and you move on. Really, really not difficult. He lied and cheated and you don't trust him any longer. He's probably still on them under different names and even if he isn't you are going to be on his case all the time.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 14-Aug-15 01:08:35

Btw, although you've referred to him as "my guy", the fact is he's anyone's and, as far as he's concerned, the more the merrier.

AlsatianNasty Fri 14-Aug-15 01:10:18

Please move on.

He's horrible and every woman deserves better treatment than that!

AlpacaMyBags Fri 14-Aug-15 01:13:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BettyCatKitten Fri 14-Aug-15 01:28:13

Not worth the hassle, bin him.

NotFlix Fri 14-Aug-15 01:35:55

blimey, what a right load of ball ache.

it's supposed to be fun.

Theoldcauliflower Fri 14-Aug-15 01:37:47

He's already proven he's not to be trusted, don't waste your time sweetheart!
He's a player and out for what he can get, all he will do is cause you heartache, it's suppose to be fun when you first get together, not like that! LTFUCKINGB!

madwomanbackintheattic Fri 14-Aug-15 01:52:22

He's not 'your' guy. He's a sleaze bag who is after anything he can get, enjoys lads' hols picking up girls (only kissed a few my arse) and has multiple online dating profiles.
You might be the only mug to believe he is 'yours' and meet up a few times, but he is just keeping you around for a nice easy lay he doesn't have to work for.
I have no idea why you think you have any sort of future with this dude. He has no desire for one with you, whatever lies he spins to keep you handy.

the point at which you felt the need to make a meaningless ultimatum is the point at which you should have said 'so long, arsewipe' and deleted him from your contacts.

GreenSkittles Fri 14-Aug-15 02:07:24

You make it sound like you are in a relationship with this man. You're really not! He's openly admitting to (at least) kissing other women while away, and is constantly sexting on his phone. There's nothing you can do about this, he's prioritizing it over you. He's probably way too jaded to be in a real relationship. Cut your losses and move on.

cocobean2805 Fri 14-Aug-15 03:51:12

He's not 'your guy', sorry, he will continue to have sex with/text/dirty talk whatever other women throughout your relationship (if you continue). He just will, he doesn't love you, he certainly doesn't respect you, he will string you along for as long as you let him. Cannot stress this next sentence enough.. Get shut of him and get an STI check asap. You will never trust him now anyway, and will always be checking his phone/email/texts for proof of cheating. Which you will find. Horrible but true. He's not making an effort because he's not bothered either way, I'm being incredibly harsh but only because I've been there. He has texts etc off other women, any one of them will fill the 'girlfriend' slot, don't make it into a competition between you and 'other girls' because you won't win, especially not in the long term, He won't change.

scarletforya Fri 14-Aug-15 04:06:15

You're being a glutton for punishment. You should have walked long ago. Why are you trying to make a relationship out of such a non starter?

Bin him and move on.

Summerlovinf Fri 14-Aug-15 04:14:50

I agree with others...you're not in a relationship, this guy is playing the field. Ditch him and move on. He is not going to commit to you.

heliumvoice Fri 14-Aug-15 09:10:15

He's making no effort to prove he wants to be with you because you've repeatedly shown him that no effort is required to make you stick around. A few empty words, deleting an app, and you're back to square one.

Relationships of 5 months are meant to be fun, not full of arguments, cheating, feeling sick, crying and screaming.

passmethewineplease Fri 14-Aug-15 09:14:44

Seriously just walk away, this isn't a relationship. Not in any sense of the word. He sounds like a wanker, don't try and sort it out with him, he's really not worth it.

magoria Fri 14-Aug-15 09:20:08

4-5 months and for that he has been messing you around.

Get out now before it becomes 4-5 years you have wasted on this loser.

If he hasn't already messed around it is only a matter of time.

Oh and go get a complete STI check done.

BolshierAyraStark Fri 14-Aug-15 09:23:16

4-5 months in should be care free & fun, not shit like you're putting up with. He didn't just kiss the girls on the lads holiday, I promise you this.
Bin him & work on your self esteem, it's clearly lacking for you to put up with this shit.

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