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Original poster

He's lied!

86 replies

tootiredforthissh1t · 02/07/2016 21:44

DH has gone out drinking today with friends from work. They're mostly female. I dropped him off at the station for his 11.15am (rural service) train to the city for an early drinking session before taking DS to his swimming lesson. He said he'd be back on the last train at 9pm if not before. I got a text from him at 5 saying he wouldn't be home before 10.

I text him at 9.15 to ask if he's on the train-no reply, suspicions raised. I checked the train times and the last train back left at 18.30. I tried ringing and his phone went straight to voicemail. He's lied to me! I'm shaking and trying to act normal whilst snuggled up watching a film with DD. I'm not stupid and he's fucking cheating on me isn't he?

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 03/07/2016 09:22

I don't understand how he was able to contact you to ask for a lift home but not able to find out train times or generally sort himself out.

Original poster
tootiredforthissh1t · 03/07/2016 09:41

Why do I feel like I'm being attacked by some of you?
He put his sim in a friend's phone to ring me.
It was him who had the crush on the lesbian friend.
My marriage is actually pretty good with the exception of the frequency of our intimate moments lacking somewhat. However, I clearly don't have great self-esteem and admit I had a massive wobble last night when my future looked very different to the one I'd envisaged

OP posts:
GrimmauldPlace · 03/07/2016 09:55

The reason I asked how he contacted you was because if it was a simple way (such as putting his sim in a friends phone) then I'd be asking him why he only bothered contacting you that late. Why did he not think to do that at 9 or whenever he realised he'd messed the train times up?

This has obviously brought up some insecurities you have that maybe you thought you'd got past 6 years ago. Talk to him, tell him how he made you feel last night.

headinhands · 03/07/2016 10:01

I'm most concerned about you telling the other woman to stay away from your family. Your husbands fidelity should never require you to warn people off. If you feel it does you have problems.

Penfold007 · 03/07/2016 10:09

Your being fed a load of ballony, swapping sims pfft!. You immediately distrusted him for a reason.

HappyJanuary · 03/07/2016 10:20

These sorts of threads make me sad. The woman always comes back a year later to say 'you were right and I should've done something about it then'.

I'm sorry this is happening to you op, but there comes a point where all the plausible excuses start wearing a bit thin and you can waste more time driving yourself mad while waiting for the inevitable or take charge now.

Mrskeats · 03/07/2016 10:23

I've no idea why you would wake a sleeping child to pick him up
He could have contacted you hours before through Facebook or whatever
He chose not to
Why do women put up with this shit?
And I have no words for warning the other woman off

Doinmummy · 03/07/2016 10:26

The feelings you had last night Op are horrible - I've been there . But , I think you had them for a reason , I wouldn't believe a word he is saying .

Orangetoffee · 03/07/2016 10:29

I would be really pissed off with him that he managed to contact you when he needed something of you (pick up) but couldn't be bothered to do so earlier to inform you of the change of plans. He showed no respect for you.

areyoubeingserviced · 03/07/2016 10:36

He's taking the piss and lying to you .

TheCrumpettyTree · 03/07/2016 10:47

Why did you wake the DC to pick him up? He could have got a taxi. I've lived rurally and some taxis do exist.

Chatty100 · 03/07/2016 10:51

tootiredforthissh1t don't panic. Talk to your husband, it's the only way to work out what's really going on. Be completely honest and tell him you had a bit of a panic. On the face of it, he seems to have been a bit disrespectful. Doesn't mean he is having an affair! Perhaps he's going through something at the minute and just wanted to cut loose. Talk to him, remember he is your best friend - just be honest! I have been through a similar thing and thought I had got over an incident 6 years ago. Turned out I hadn't either!

loobyloo1234 · 03/07/2016 10:53

Why do I feel like I'm being attacked by some of you?

OP, people are trying to establish why you would be with someone who you do not trust? Your post stated I'm not stupid and he's fucking cheating on me isn't he? You opened yourself up to questions. I think people are trying to make you see sense - don't take it personally

And also - how has a phone that has a sim card that you can even take out these days? Why couldn't he have just called you from his friends phone? Hmm I would have doubts too OP

TheCrumpettyTree · 03/07/2016 10:55

Yes, you'd just borrow your mates phone. No one now days would swap a sim over.

iPhone sims are a pain to get out for example.

Chatty100 · 03/07/2016 11:21

I'm guessing he didn't know her number off by heart so had to swap the sim over.

Original poster
tootiredforthissh1t · 03/07/2016 11:30

He doesn't know my number off the top of his head so needed to put his Sim in another phone. I don't know his number either-it's saved in my phone book. He should have phoned earlier.

This has brought out my personal insecurities that go further back than bikini gate (which I know wasn't an innocent case of mistakenly sent pics) and our relationship.

chatty it seems you and I are on a similar wavelength. DH and I have talked and we're OK. I've been a workaholic, we haven't spent any quality time together lately and we need to make more time for each other.

OP posts:
Original poster
tootiredforthissh1t · 03/07/2016 11:35

He didn't get a taxi because money's tight-it would cost £60+. I'm doing an MA as well as working ft and applying for better jobs, which is stressful.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 03/07/2016 11:41

But he can afford to go out drinking for a day?

Original poster
tootiredforthissh1t · 03/07/2016 11:42

Not really fastday but if I needed to go out with friends he wouldn't stop me either

OP posts:
Mycraneisfixed · 03/07/2016 11:43

However furious I was with him I would have picked him up too rather than waste money on a cab.
Ignore the bitchy and totally unhelpful comments made by some posters.
They clearly need to get a life.

Orangetoffee · 03/07/2016 11:49

He didn't need to go out, he wanted to go out. He could have gone for a couple of hours, spend less money on drinks and spending more time with you and the kids.

He behaved like a dick and you are right to be pissed off with him.

Kittencatkins123 · 03/07/2016 14:57

I don't think you should necessarily leap to an assumption that he's cheating.

But he has behaved like a selfish prick, happily being out of contact when it suits him, suddenly rediscovering technology when he needs picked up. While you have spent the night stressing out then being a free taxi service.

Is this behaviour like this fairly common on his side? Would you ever do anything like this? How often are you the 'nagging wife' 'waiting at home' (not saying you are, but this is the role you are being forced into).

Why do you think you leapt to the conclusion that he was cheating?
How often are you at home, looking at his social media for clues? How do you feel when he stays out overnight/would you have felt if he had stayed out this time?

It sounds like there are some trust and respect issues but they should be fairly easy to work through together.

DeathStare · 03/07/2016 18:51

I think you are massively over-reacting. He was a bit of an idiot not to check the train times and the phone battery just to be certain. But that's all just a bit of an idiot. Nothing worse.

You say the bikini pics were 6 years ago. You either need to move on from them or move on from him. Staying with him but holding that over him is just a recipe for disaster

Capricornandproud · 03/07/2016 21:08

How are you feeling today OP?

sanmiguelmakesmewell · 03/07/2016 22:47

Go with your gut.

'That' feeling when they're out & you just know they won't be back when they say & their story of why they're late is a bit tabloid....

You're worth more.