dh assaulted me got to face him in magistrates court

[johay]

Haven't seen my dh for 3 months after he assaulted me on my birthday in Feb. Magistrates court June 22 dread seeing him again. Assault not that serious and he'll probably get off with it because I already had bruises after falling down the stairs in Jan, (he had kept me up for 3 nights shouting and I had fainted holding a china cup, needed stitches in my hand.) Moved out of marital home as ds (11) didn't feel safe. Worry about kids, especially dd (4). Neither of them seem bothered about ringing him. They have had 2 cards from him since Feb. He hasn't given me any money and they have just stopped my benefits because I tried to take on more work (to go on to working tax credits) and the job didn't work out. It was a weekend job and I only really took it on so I wouldn't sit at home feeling sorry for myself. Am now though! Also just spent 3 days in hospital with my ds who has broken radius and something else after falling off bike (which I had to break into marital home to get!) Lastly, found used condoms in bathroom bin when I broke into marital home (know I shouldn't care but do) dh not even living there just using it so he can s**g at weekends. Life like bad soap opera - sorry.

Oh poor you. Sorry not much help, hope things will get better soon. How are you feeling about seeing him in court?

so sorry hugs take care

johay - I'm really sorry that you've had to go through all that. Have you spoken to the police or solicitor about getting a restraining order or something so that even if he does get off, you're as protected as you can be?

Don't blame you for feeling sorry for yourself - sorry the job didn't work out - would it be worth going back to the benefits office to discuss the situation and find out what would be the best thing for you to do?

Don't worry about sounding like a soap - you might find a few people on here do from time to time - that's life.

omg, johay. first of all, good luck with the court hearing, stay strong, you have done the right thing. secondly, please get legal advice from the CAB or wherever, surely you should have the marital home and should be getting some financial support from him?

Have a solicitor but can't get any money because we don't know where he is. She will serve him papers in court at assault hearing. Have to wait until then to get anything sorted out. Dread seeing him in court because I will clam up. Thought I saw his car the other day and went into panic attack mode. Couldn't breathe

Don't really know what to say but wanted to post a message of support anyway. Hope they throw the book at him. Very smart of your solicitor to serve papers in court!

stay strong it will be ok I often think it would have been better if xh had gone to court for assaulting me it may have helped me deal with it better.

Johay you poor thing - I hope it goes ok and that he gets locked up

Johay, you need to get a court injunction to get him out of the house so you can move back in with the kids. And then file for divorce. Get out of this and screw him for everything you can. Bastard. Good luck in court. Keep posting.

The police will evict him and you could move back in if you get an injuction and (I think) possession order. Talk to your solicitor.

hi johay just adding to the support from others. how are you today? did you add the stair incident to your case? although he didn't push you physically, it does sound as though there was an element of emotional/ mental assault. this may help your case more. please try to follow aloha's advice and see how to get back in your home, surely you shouldn't have to move out, you did nothing wrong. may be helpful for kids to have the home?

It really helps to come on here and get messages of support Can't afford to pay mortgage on marital home so it will have to be sold. Told police about stair incident, is on my statement but they will only charge him for recent assault. Also he raped me anally 2 years ago because I stayed out late one night! That is also on my statement, but again, as I was in shock for 3 days I didn't tell the doctor for at least a week and didn't get police involved and they don't think they'd have enough to convict him now. Can't believe I let that happen to me now, but honestly feel as if i've been numb for years. It's really odd, but you're just regarded as a witness in court. I don't have anyone to represent me, just get cross examined as he has pleaded not guilty. Not sure that kids would want to go back home, too many bad memories.

Oh Johay. How appalling! I've no constructive advice... just support. Good luck.

Jesus Johay, what an awful situation Very best of luck, support and courage for this, you sound so brave. * Hugs *

No advice Johay but wanted to say good luck for the court case and hope all goes in your favour.

times like this make me question the whole justice system. Hope it all goes your way johay.

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Dear esbee I only went to police because he hurt my kitten and threatened to kill it. Actually I went to the hospital because he'd grabbed hold of my arm and twisted it. It had a tiny bruise on it and I knew that it wasn't broken but the cat thing was the last straw. The nurse persuaded me to get the police involved, if it hadn't been for the kitten, I would still be with him. I still feel guilty because the policeman took my statement at my mum's house and by then he must have realised that something was wrong as I hadn't returned home and he kept ringing and ringing, first on my Mum's phone, then on my mobile, then he turned up and the policeman arrested him. I had to go into another room because I felt like Judas. The policeman came back later to finish my statement and dd 4 said "Has my Daddy gone to prison?" I still feel wracked with guilt even though he hurt me and I
still think "How could I have done that to the father of my children?" It's so confusing because sometimes he could be really nice. I do feel really low today. Hate the weekends. Hate having no money and no car. Sometimes I think "What have I done?"

Johay, I wish you all the luck in the world with the rest of your life. You've been through so much bad stuff already. Don't think of it as "How could I do this to the father of my children?" but as "How could HE do all that to the mother of HIS children?"
Best wishes xxxxxxx

Johay
I wish I had something useful to say to you, something helpful, but I can't begin to imagine how you have coped with all this; your children are very lucky to have such a strong mum
Take care and keep posting

just wanted to add my support xx everything useful has already been said! keep posting, we're here for you.

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Esbee I did do wrong. I went out one night and got very drunk and slept with this bloke I fancied. I told xh a couple of weeks later and that's when he raped me. On the day the assault happened (my birthday), we'd had a lovely day out and I felt unusually happy. Then I went to get a menu for a takeaway and saw the bloke I'd slept with and he said hello to me in full view of xh. I automatically said hello back before I'd even realised who it was. Xh started shouting at me in the car and when he went to park it I locked my self in the bathroom because I knew I was in for a night of hell. He nearly banged the door down so I had to open it. I persuaded him to let me put the kids to bed which took ages because they were so upset. When I eventually came downstairs he did the usual thing of shouting at me right up to my face and when I wouldn't look at him he used to wrench my neck so my head was facing towards him. I cried for ages and because I had my hands over my face he got hold of my arm and twisted it. He had a really tight grip and I told him he was really hurting my arm (the one I had fallen down the stairs on) but he wouldn't let go. When he did let go he got hold of the kitten by the neck. I regret doing what I did now, mainly because it gave him ammunition but if he hadn't been so controlling and had let me go out more than once a year at Christmas (no joke) I would never have done it. When we exchanged marriage vows, I would never in a million years have imagined that I would be unfaithful. My life had absolutely no pleasure in it. We had no friends, no social life. We bought a big table once and I remember thinking 'Why have we bought this, we'll never have anyone round to sit at it!' That's what it was like but even though I know that whatever I did doesn't justify him to be violent towards me, because before I had even done wrong in our marriage, it was my family he was mad about or something really trivial, but I still feel guilty, do you see why? Sorry this is so very long!!!

I just wanted to wish you all the best - it sounds like you are doing the right thing. What ever happened no-one has the right to rape and hit you. And you don't want your children to witness that happening. Hope you son is alright with his arm. And hope you get him to support you financially.

Johay, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You looked for a little affection outside your brutal, oppressive and loveless marriage, which was a marriage in name only. Your ex sounds really evil. A typical abuser. Thank God you got away from him. Seriously, you do need to sort out the house and the money. Even if you don't want to live there, if it is put in your name you can sell it and buy somewhere else. I'd also be very uneasy about letting him see the kids. The court could order that you stay in the house and your ex pays the mortage you know. What is your solicitor doing about it?