Back to square one, or zero, should I say. I'm so fed up with this so need straight talking here. I'll be leaving in three quarters of an hour.
I went to the garage. Things were very busy. Men running all over the place. I went to pay my bill as B was busy. The owner's wife had to write it up and we chatted, a lot. She was asking me about the children, lots of really lovely things. In the meantime B had come to get my key so he could work on the car since the part had arrived. Once I'd paid I went back to the car. The owner's wife had been so lovely but I was aware that B was in his busy work mode. Once back at the car he asked me a couple of questions about the electrics. Turned the car round for me and then just went off without a goodbye. (He does that so much and it really pisses me off.) So, I said, 'so, what are we going to do about Monday then?' I think he then replied 'it's as you like'. And then my negativity/rejection spiral happened. I heard myself saying to him 'won't you be too tired after your weekend?' He said 'yes, it's going to be exhausting'. He then explained exactly what he was going to be doing. He was leaving this evening, doing 8 hours of rally driving tomorrow, same again on Sunday, and then back on Monday morning'. So, I'm hearing that he's not so motivated about coming round to see me. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that he repeated three times 'you decide what you want'. I think I said at some point, 'well, let's forget about it, then', he replies 'it's up to you'. And then the killer phrase for me, he said 'if you want my help I'm here for you'.
So, not only he didn't clarify things about what we were doing on Monday but he's putting the ball in my court and making it clear that all he wants is to help.
After hearing him empathically repeating 'it's whatever you want', I replied 'but how are we to communicate?' which for me implied we don't have each other's 'phone numbers. He responds with 'it's true we're both running around so much'. I get into the car, slam the door (a little) and drive off in a cloud of dust. 
And I felt like shit. Yesterday everything was moving onwards and upwards and today we're both complicating things, again.
And all I want is clarity and, if necessary, closure. I want to see him and tell him the good things I wanted to say to him. I wanted to make him happy. Even if it was the last time I saw him. He knows I'm off to England on Tuesday. He doesn't know if I'm coming back or not. He still has my Jag. But I don't want to be suffering like this.
Right, let the straight talk begin. {grin}
Writing this down has helped a little.