Best friends dp has declared he's in love with me :(

[MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs]

So bit of history... Met bf 5 yrs ago at NCT group and our dd's are best friends.
My relationship with dp has been up and down for a few years due to various circumstances, one of them being his moods and depression and lack of sex drive and multiple losses in the family.
So last summer my friends dp became my friend too by hanging out with us when he was on shifts. I found him to be a bit of a pain and a bit loud to be honest and it sort of encroached on our time having chats about nothing in particular!

Anyway he started to offer me lifts when my dp was at work and dc were at school, shopping etc.
completely innocent in my eyes.
Then something changed and I began to like him more than a friend.
I am very very ashamed of this. He's not my "type" and a lot younger than me and eventually the inevitable happened.

I felt sick, cut all contact and backed off from friend in shame.
Have seen him quite a bit since in group outings and remained civil.

He told me lots of secrets that I wish I never knew, like experimenting with men while his dp was out, having numerous affairs etc.

She is totally oblivious and is like a slave to him, is totally obidient for want of a better word and loves the bones of him.

Within the last week he sent me a message, extremely long and told me he's tried to suppress his feelings but can't and is totally in love with me. I do not feel the same.

I admit there is a spark though I cannot work out why, maybe it's the attention he paid me, made me feel beautiful and wanted. Ridiculous.

What do I do?? I feel physically sick.

To make it even worse he's friends with my dp.
Sorry for such long post, been bottling this up for over a year.
I know I deserve the responses I'm expecting but need help, thanks for reading.

You need to admit what you've done and face the consequences for the choices you've made, and perhaps look into improving your self worth if your will to fuck someone who's 'ugly'

He is 100% playing games with you. He isn't in love with you. Not one bit. He wants to exert some power over you. I'm guessing he is sure you won't tell his wife or your dh and will fall in with him at which point he will dump you.

So:

1. Tell him to never ever contact you again and mean it.
2. Find a way to dump your friend whilst causing her least harm.
3. Consider telling her, at least that might save her further harm.
4. Accept your dh will almost certainly find out in which case you should tell him first.
5. Be aware and accept that this may end your marriage and sully your name locally.

Someone I know well fell for a man like this. The woman was in a lonely marriage and fell for the attention and flattery. She wasn't blameless but he was an absolute bastard. Her dh did find out and the marriage both survived and eventually was better, I think. The other couple moved away but apparently he was well known for it.

Lots for you to think about.

You chose to betray your partner and you chose to betray your best friend.
You were using this man as a bit of an ego boost, he was using you as an easy bit on the side.
You really have covered yourself in shit.
There is no easy or clean way out of this - you don't deserve one, but you will hurt several people in the process.
There was nothing inevitable about any tiny bit of this - your free choice every step of the way.

Tell your best friend and tell your husband. You've done a horrible thing.dont add to it by then lying to them forevermore.I know from experience that when they find out it will hurt them all the more that they have been lied to after the fact. Its enough to find out that you have been a victim of this kind of thing-it's a whole new league when you find out that you have been lied to for a long time, believe me.

Please remember you can not give blood having had sex with a man who has had sex with another man. Random, I know, but I'm just thinking long term. Please go and get tested and tell the partners to do the same.

Go out tomorrow. Do not be home when he calls round. We all know what will happen if you are in when he calls. It's inevitable. And sordid.

It's not working with your DP and this guy is trouble.

I would just walk away from the whole sorry mess.

Erm, completely off the main point, but there's a lot of eeewww he sleeps with other men too?!! type comments It's disgusting that he's cheating on his wife. End of. Yes, his wife should know his apparent bi sexuality, as well as his deceit, but using words like "yuk" when talking about him having sex with other men is a tad offensive, no?

My friend's DH once hit on me and the inevitable happened.

By "inevitable" I mean that I told him he was barking up the wrong tree and he had no chance, and then I told my friend what had happened.

What you did wasn't inevitable, it was a choice. Right now it's a choice that you need to come clean about - if for no other reason than that your friend and your DP need to get checked for STIs. You owe them that.

And I'm afraid you are just going to have to accept the consequences of your choice, whatever they may be.

In the least harsh way possible you haven't been happy in your relationship somebody has come along started showing you attention and you liked it. You betrayed your friend who is also with someone who is unhappy (happy in a relationship people don't cheat) tell her and your partner and release the weight.