Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Best friends dp has declared he's in love with me :(

85 replies

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 23/06/2016 20:43

So bit of history... Met bf 5 yrs ago at NCT group and our dd's are best friends.
My relationship with dp has been up and down for a few years due to various circumstances, one of them being his moods and depression and lack of sex drive and multiple losses in the family.
So last summer my friends dp became my friend too by hanging out with us when he was on shifts. I found him to be a bit of a pain and a bit loud to be honest and it sort of encroached on our time having chats about nothing in particular!

Anyway he started to offer me lifts when my dp was at work and dc were at school, shopping etc.
completely innocent in my eyes.
Then something changed and I began to like him more than a friend.
I am very very ashamed of this. He's not my "type" and a lot younger than me and eventually the inevitable happened.

I felt sick, cut all contact and backed off from friend in shame.
Have seen him quite a bit since in group outings and remained civil.

He told me lots of secrets that I wish I never knew, like experimenting with men while his dp was out, having numerous affairs etc.

She is totally oblivious and is like a slave to him, is totally obidient for want of a better word and loves the bones of him.

Within the last week he sent me a message, extremely long and told me he's tried to suppress his feelings but can't and is totally in love with me. I do not feel the same.

I admit there is a spark though I cannot work out why, maybe it's the attention he paid me, made me feel beautiful and wanted. Ridiculous.

What do I do?? I feel physically sick.

To make it even worse he's friends with my dp.
Sorry for such long post, been bottling this up for over a year.
I know I deserve the responses I'm expecting but need help, thanks for reading.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 23/06/2016 21:10

Oh give over

Vulnerable???

Redisthenewblack · 23/06/2016 21:11

Also agree with imperial. Regardless of how 'careful' you were, certain STIs can be passed on even with the use of a condom.

Pearlman · 23/06/2016 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AprilLoveJ · 23/06/2016 21:16

I'm hearing a lot of excuses.

Your dh was depressed, not interested in sex, bereaved, so that's why you made friends with bf's partner and got close to him.

You were flattered and vulnerable so you jumped into bed with him.

I strongly suggest you take responsibility for your actions and become the human being you desire to be. You don't need us to tell you how shameful you have acted, you already feel the shame. What are you going to do to help salvage this situation? To help the people who have been hurt? Be proactive. Start doing the right thing. The damage has already been done.

Remember, ethics are what we do when no-one is looking.

Redisthenewblack · 23/06/2016 21:22

What do I do?? I feel physically sick

My suggestion is, you tell your husband you've been fucking a man who fucks other men/women, and you tell your friend that you've fucked her husband. You suggest to them all that they get STI checked, and then leave it them both to make their own mind up about whether they want to stay with cheats and liars.

As for the feeling sick.....enjoy it. It comes with the territory.

expatinscotland · 23/06/2016 21:27

Look, a lot of book have already been written about this type of low-rent excuse for a relationship. Please, pick another plot line. I know it's too much to ask for originality, but give it a go.

Pinkheart5915 · 23/06/2016 21:29

Inevitable 😂 Hmm No you had a choice and you choose to cheat on your dp and fuck your friends dp

I don't really understand what you want advice on ??? What do you do well don't cheat again don't fuck your friends dp and forget him. Or do your dp a favour and let him find somebody that respects him and you can fuck as many men as you want

Goingtobeawesome · 23/06/2016 21:30

When did you stop it? After he'd fucked you or did you stop talking to him for a bit day?

SquidgeyMidgey · 23/06/2016 21:31

My suggestion is, you tell your husband you've been fucking a man who fucks other men/women, and you tell your friend that you've fucked her husband. You suggest to them all that they get STI checked, and then leave it them both to make their own mind up about whether they want to stay with cheats and liars

In a nutshell.

It wasn't inevitable. You chose to do it, you did the wrong thing and now you need to fix it.

Helmetbymidnight · 23/06/2016 21:33

The problem in your title: Best friends dp has declared he's in love with me :( is not really the problem, is it?
The problem is, I've been shagging my best friends Dp and forgotten completely that I have a DP too. Ooops.

My advice? Tell him to piss off. Make some excuse not to see your 'best friend' again and try and work out if you like your DP still.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 23/06/2016 21:34

Welcome to your consequences of your actions my dear.

Inevitable, my arse.

Chillyegg · 23/06/2016 21:37

Ok. No one is going to say poor you.

You need to tell your best friend everything even her dp's secrets.
Tell your DH everything.
All of you should get STI tested.
Then block and delete your best friends dp.

Your poor poor poor friend. You shat on her from a massive height.
Do the right thing to the poor lass.

pictish · 23/06/2016 21:39

This guy is a liability...he's deceitfully sexually promiscuous behind his wife's back and has declared love to her best friend. You have fucked up...this is quite likely to come out. He sounds indiscreet and impulsive.

You should probably tell your dh. It will be hard...very hard, but to have this hanging over your head will be agony.

Sparklesilverglitter · 23/06/2016 21:43

Inevitable?? Wtaf? You cheated on your partner, degraded your friend by snagging her partner and you make an excuse for yourself by saying it was inevitable. God woman take some responsibility for your actions!

I think both your dp and your friend have a right to know what you 2 have been up to, They should be able to decide if that want to stay with there cheating partners. i hope they both find out I feel so sorry for them.

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 23/06/2016 21:49

I agree with everything, no excuses. It's disgusting.
It started and ended within a month last summer.
He's coming here tomorrow to pick something up ( not me ) and I'm going to tell him to leave me alone.
Think I needed this to open my eyes, it's not flattery it's bordering on stalking and the stupid fucking thing is I don't fancy him one bit, he's ugly and I wouldn't have looked twice at him.
I'm so torn in my head who to tell, there's children involved and I'm ashamed and rightly so.
Thank you isn't appropriate I'm sure but I'm glad I've been told good and proper.

OP posts:
pictish · 23/06/2016 21:52

I don't think he'll leave you alone.

loobyloo1234 · 23/06/2016 21:53

Op - are you going to tell your DP ... ? And are you going to get yourself checked out at the STI clinic?

Pearlman · 23/06/2016 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magoria · 23/06/2016 21:58

Why are you meeting him at all tomorrow?

Make your DP arrange to meet him to return the stuff and don't be there. If you are serious about him leaving you alone don't be meeting him.

Goingtobeawesome · 23/06/2016 21:58

Who's Piper Laurie?

Pearlman · 23/06/2016 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisnow16 · 23/06/2016 22:02

Is this another troll post. Surely people don't actually do stuff this bad?

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy · 23/06/2016 22:03

OP, I don't think you need to be berated. You've done something selfish and stupid, which you know and regret.
What you need is a plan now.

Telling OM to leave you isn't going to work. Even if he listens, that isn't going to change what you did, how you feel now and the fact that he's going to be in the background. He's friends with your dp ffs!

It's horrible and hard but I think you need to confess to your dp (DH? Sorry I can't remember and am on the app). Don't tell him your reasons, just tell him what you did and that you regret it and you're sorry. Then you have to sit it out and let him decide what he wants (assuming you want to stay together of course).

You also need to accept that this is going to implode and people are going pick sides. From the outside your dp and your bf are innocent - people will stick with them. I know it's rarely as simple as that but that's generally how it works.

I don't think you have a choice. At some point, whether now or in a year, he will brag to the next affair partner about what you did or slip up, and all your dp is going to know is that you betrayed him then lied and lied about it. And if you read the boards on here, it's often the lying that hurts the most.

Lorsaidthedean · 23/06/2016 22:04

Blimey, just how many times would you have shagged him if he'd been attractive?

twittwooery · 23/06/2016 22:18

What is up with lots of times women cheat vulnerable is mentioned by the OP or posters saying "you sound like you were in a vulnerable place" like men always are prying to take advantage?

At the end of the day, the OP chose to cheat and in that respect its 50:50 I know no ones stuck up for OP yet, but she's tried worming her way out of it. I imagine if her partner admitted he cheated and said he was vulnerable he'd get laugheday for being ridiculous