Second Child

[unmumsy1994]

My husband and I are in disagreement about having more children. Our first was not planned, however, he is the biggest blessing and the absolute love of our lives. We are both now back at work in stable jobs and my career is going from strength-to-strength. I never wanted children and, after having a terrible pregnancy, 3 day labour and awful birth, I am not keen to have another. I obviously don't regret having our first, however, I do not suddenly feel the urge to have a house full of screaming children. One is plenty and we have been very lucky that he is a good eater, sleeper and generally a joy to be around (at the moment!).
My husband is adamant that he does not want our son to be an only child but I just cannot see any reason why I would want another. To me it seems like time I would have to take out of work, more stress, more money and tempting fate because I'm convinced this pregnancy would also be terrible and I'd go back to no sleep and permanent exhaustion. Is it fair that I think I have the final say as it is my body, not his? And is having a second child really that good anyway? PLEASE HELP!

Is it fair that I think I have the final say as it is my body, not his?

Yes it's perfectly fair as its a big change in life, body, career etc. You have to go through this pregnancy keeping your toddlers life in priority as well as its a huge change for him

And is having a second child really that good anyway?

Unless you really want one it doesn't matter. A reason to have a child should be you want to and nothing else. My mom regretted having a 3rd child and my sis was devastated when she came to know this though someone. She wasn't loved less but that regret feeling meant she was never as close to her as she was to me.

I have an only child simply because I am not ready to have another and unless I am ready I won't be able to give any of my children quality life. So I am enjoying my only child so much. He has some amazing friends and cousins. It's definitely more practical as we do spur of the moment things take a day off and go off on a picnic. Just go with whatever suits you and your family.

In response to what do only children do? Well in my home it's play with a parent. It's not always easy as there are boring household chores to do. But you make it a game. And you play games, colour, make fantasy games up with toys. My DD is 5 my DP would like another. I'm not sure I can face another 12 months of disturbed nights never mind the money!!
Ultimately you need to communicate list the pros and cons and together decide what you can a) afford and b) tolerate as a couple because it isn't easy being a parent!

My ds is an only through circumstances rather than choice, I do worry about him feeling alone when his dad and I are dying and dead but he's not lonely now.
He plays great on his own, is very creative and happy and also well socialised, he makes friends where ever he goes. As one of 4 I didn't really need to master the art of making friends at the beach or the park because I had ready made friends in my siblings. My ds leaves me awestruck at times how easily he can make friends and I think that's a wonderful skill I really admire him for.
He also has lots of close friends from school and clubs, a couple that are more like cousins as our families are very close.
None of my siblings have children yet so still not a real aunty but I'm aunty to my friends children and there's nothing to suggest ds won't have close relationships as he grows up so he will still get to be uncle.
He also has numerous second cousins.
I'm sorry this turned into a guilt trip only bashing thread. Do what feels right for your family op there's no right or wrong way. Park it for a year then think again

My six cousins are coming for lunch on Sunday. I love them all and loved visiting their crazy multi-sibbed world when I was wee. Then I went back to my lonely only live. Smiling my face off because I loved it so much.

I now have one child. We are all very happy.

From my experience, self confidence is much more important in life than the absence or presence of siblings.

A self confident only child will thrive in life, as will a self confident person with siblings.

If you didn't do it what would they have done? Put them in a home? Sounds like they took advantage of your good nature

By doing fuck all I mean day to day. We all wanted what was best for dad and I was a SAHM/WAHM so of course I took on more and more as my DD needed less and less.

I'm capable and practical and better suited to a caring role than either my DH or SIL. They were excellent at things I'm not.

SIL was medically minded and made sure the GP and hospital care was as it should be and the importance of early introduction of routines.

DH once he faced up to it and that dad was rapidly getting worse was fantastic in sourcing the technology I introduced in those routines from the start and which allowed him to stay in his own home for as long as he did. Then fabulous at seeking out the best home for him to be moved to when his condition worsens and I and the professional carers could no longer cope.

My part was the largest in terms of time, but together we all played a part in ensuring dad had the best quality of life possible.

My family stepped in too, trying to keep him socializing in those early days. It really was a team effort.