MIL resentful of me being a SAHM

[OneTiredMummmyyy]

I'm a SAHM to two children under two (youngest 7 months). DP works long hours and we have no family around who can help out childcare wise.

Recently it has been apparent that my MIL and SIL are both resentful of the fact I'm a SAHM and from the vague hints that DP drops, they keep asking him when I'm going to go out and get a job

I'm getting so fed up with being judged. I know it bothers DP as they are basically implying I'm lazy, despite the fact I had a job right up to DC1 being born. It's hard enough doing what I do with no family help, but to be criticised as well is really getting me down.

Anyone else who has been in this situation? Any advice on how to deal with it?

AnotherEmma we did discuss moving back to be closer to my family, and DP was open to that as his commute to work would be much less... However we have lots of lovely friends where we are and it is an amazing place for the DCs to grow up. This alone means I wouldn't want to move to be honest. Also my parents plan to move nearer to us in the not to distant future.

I do know what you mean though and I told DP that worst case, I would limit my exposure to his family. Because yes you are right, if we're not careful, they will cause a rift between me and DP.

Your parents moving near you would be brilliant as you'd have more support.

MIL is so awful that I would personally cut right back. Maybe see her once or twice a year, birthdays and Christmas. You don't owe her anything.

I agree with AnotherEmma I was thinking the same thing - that she could cause major problems for your marriage.

That's why I say you need to completely disengage with her.

Well, if you're happy where you are, that's good

I do think you need to cut down the amount of time you spend with them. No more one-to-ones with MIL, there's absolutely no need for that! I wouldn't see her unless DP is there. Am I right in thinking you usually see them once a week? If so maybe you could gradually cut it down to a family meet up every 2 or 3 weeks. DP can always see them by himself a bit more often if he wants to.

Just to complicate matters: MIL has had health problems in the last few years and DP puts her behaviour down to that, in that "she's not thinking straight". Um, I think she is!! However, I try and make allowances because I feel bad for her.

Are you asking them for financial support? No, then it's f**king non of their business.

I dont know why people insist on commenting on what people do with their lives. I have had it, as i sold a business and then became a housewife with no children and people felt it was their place to ask me what i was going to do for work?? Well its nobody elses business if i want to stay at home all day and watch tv, i pay for myself and dont rely on the state, so why comment!!!!! Arrrggghhh, sooo meddlesome.

AnotherEmma yes, you are spot on and I have suggested to DP that I see them a bit less, given her views.... Then he tells me MIL said she'll call me during the week and arrange to meet me for a coffee

Well, as we always say on these threads, you have a DP problem not a MIL problem. You need DP on the same page. He needs to respect your boundaries and be willing to help you enforce them. It won't work otherwise. None of it will.